All Rants

I'm so bad with kids, I literally freeze and say nothing and just stare at them. After a few seconds I can see them getting confused and weirded out or even getting upset. I don't hate kids (don't necessarily love them either) but they feel like a different species altogether. I have always had extreme social anxiety so I am already awful at social skills. I try to get better a lot and read self help and put myself out there, but then I have to deal with a little kid and I realize how delusional I was thinking I was making progress. I instantly feel like a monster who can't connect with human emotions in their most primitive form, and I hide it by dressing up and trying to have a social life with adults. It ruins my mood and I begin to question my existence or why I am allowed nice things if even children don't like me.

Finding out i was an accident by my parents makes my life feel so worthless it's kinda like i wanted to do all these things and now what i wasn't supposed to be here so why do i owe anyone anything if i dont get my dream life like i want then im probably just going to kill myself bc whats the point

I hate being trans so much. I can’t fucking take it anymore. I’m tired of being jealous of cis men, im tired of not being accepted or everyone thinking im girl. I can’t do it.

Honestly i want to have something wrong with me so bad i had severe depression and i was cutting myself and considering killing myself only to be told i have vitamin d deficiency :| i dont want to take the pills and i haven't because i prefer being how i am rn

I miss my cigarettes :( i finally admitted to the only trusted adult ik that i smoke and gave them to hik to throw away and i miss them sm i want a ciggy sooo bad

I’m so sick and tired of preventable drownings of children. No fucking such thing. It is every adult in the homes fault. Preventable. Where r the locked gates around immediate pool. Alarms inside and out of pool. So preventable it really upsets me. Adults should b ashamed already. How many stories do we have to read. Why why why

tw ed & smoking mentioned everything is just too much. i keep telling myself i'll stop. i'll stop going to the toilet after every meal. i'll stop smoking. i'll stop procrastinating. i'll stop waking up late. none of it ever comes to fruition. i can't help myself no matter how much i try. i can't do anything. i've had an ed for nearly 4 years and i still can't lose weight. i still come to school late every day. i barely even passed my classes last year and i still couldn't bring myself to do my work despite seeing my grade drop every day. i can't even help others. i just make everything worse. i can't comfort people. i barely even feel empathy towards others no matter how hard i try. i'm unreliable and a burden to everyone in my life. it's not my responsibility, i know. i just can't help but think that if i can't do that, what's the point? why do anything anymore? why try to improve? i'll just have to accept that i'll be an ugly, useless, fat chud for the rest of my life.

you don't need to help me but I wanted to say ty for everyone who helped or tried, ily all and don't give up like me ily guys please never get rid of your place in the world like I am, don't ever give up here is my real name -El PS my real name 3l3@nor

I can't be the only one who wants to commit but doesn't want to go to he'll because of sinning (Christian) For anyone who doesn't know: Murder is a sin and killing yourself is a sin and since you can't seek forgiveness since your dead you just go to hell.

you know it’s bad when you actually search something like this to just let out everything you’ve been feeling. idek at this point, everything feels so hopeless and it’s like the worst scenario i have always imagined has happened. just two years when i felt like i need to quit and just give up, but somehow ended up taking the chance to move to a different place. at that point even when i thought a lot about if i should take a loan for my master’s, it felt like maybe i will be able to get a job and i can clear it and actually do something for myself and family. now three months after graduation i feel like i’m in hell. unemployment, living situation, expenses, no money and a loan. i feel like i have hit the rock bottom and idek when the situation is going to improve. im in such a helpless state because i feel guilty for everything, i cannot depend on parents for money, my sister has her debts, my friends have their own stuff to figure out. i just feel so dead.

I am NOT surviving this school year at least without attempting

I can't stop crying, even just thinking about it makes my eyes well up with tears so fast. I don't even normally cry

i know it's bad, but i can't stop holding everything in. i'm aware enough of how it works. if you keep everything to yourself, it'll all boil over someday. i just can't, i can't tell people. even if i could, what's the point? i don't think others can fix this overwhelming feeling that there's been something wrong with me since the start. i keep thinking back and realizing i've always been like this and that kind of hurts. i don't want to bother people, i don't want people to know those parts of me. it's easier to just be quiet and pray for things to change, even though i know that it doesn't work like that. i'll keep pretending to be happy, and i'll keep pretending that it doesn't hurt everyday. one day this aching feeling will go away and i'll forget about all this. one day it won't be so hard for me to talk about it.

I wish I wasn't a coward. I wish I could get help.

I don't wanna kill myself. But if something were to happen to me, I wouldn't resist it. I'd let it take me to wherever you go after you die. I don't wanna end my life, but sometimes I wished I could just not exist for a day. I wish no one knew me for only a day, because it gets too much at times. I don't wanna go, but I'm sick and tired of staying here. Staying here just because of the guilt I'd feel when someone dose miss me. I know I won't kill myself, I can't kill myself when people need me. But dammit, I wished I was anywhere but here.

Wow I get my fam has issues and stuff. I just wish they wouldnt be like a trip wire landmine. Say the wrong thing one wrong step and BOOM. They think they're not hateful and deny it but geez they surely are. It's so emotionally draining sigh.

life used to be simpler, I hate being an adult

People who romanticise mental health issues have never experienced or been around someone who struggles with MH, I’ve just lost a relationship because of my mental health issues, by yet again being called “Broken Goods”, that my looks don’t compensate the mess that my brain is, medication seems to never work and I will always feel that some part is missing of me.

The only thing that is stopping me from relapsing right now is listening to come on Eileen on repeat because that’s too embarrassing of a song to cut yourself too

i feel like my friends don't like me so i have these two friends im going to call them 1 and 2 so ive been friends with 1 for 6 years now and I've been friends with 2 for a year and so recently 1 has been ignoring me, she yelled at me when i told her i couldn't play volleyball because of my foot and she was like YES YOU CAN! and i was NO I CANT and she kept making fun plans with 2 and posting all over her social media account and 1 and 2 know my parents wouldn't let me hangout because i have very protective and strict parents and so it's been annoying and like we went to the park and on the way back i tried to fit on the side next to tehm on the sidewalk and they practically pushef me in back of them and then whenever they see eachother they completely ignore me and forget im there and like when we are walking around and talking they talk about things idk and im in the back of them alone walking like an idiot and people stare at me