All Rants

money its always been my only goal im scared i wnt reach it and without that i dont have a purpose its all i ever wanted

Why is it so hard for me to just talk? I hate myself for it. My fear had ruined every aspect of my life. Always having that sinking feeling when I wake up everyday wishing this could all end. ……Sorry if I’m being too dramatic on my fear of socializing. ;)

in my eschool course I had a DBA, & I was really anxious about it because, 1 - some person I’ve never talked to nor seen, and 2 - I had to call them in front of the class (prior courses were after school times) “PERSON” started it off normal, Now, typically, most I get from a DBA is the teacher asking for a basic rundown & if I need any help, but no, “PERSON” was asking questions about assignments i don’t remember more than two words from. Me, already overwhelmed , goes, “Uh… um… H-hold on, let me go check,” because I wasn’t in front of the computer w my notes. wouldn’t been a problem HAD “PERSON” NOT MADE IT ONE!!! “PERSON” went, “Hurry up, I have a packed schedule today.” wasn’t so bad, Here’s another “You need to give me something or we’ll re-do this DBA” they said next had me fuming “next time you better know what you’re doing because i won’t do this again” SORRY THAT YOU CANT HAVE PATIENCE FOR A KID WHOSE NEVER TALKED TO YOU, IN TESTING SEASON & INVOLVED IN A ONGOING POLICE CASE

so one of our alters [Void] got us into a situationship that we don't know how to get out of, and the thing is, this would be fine, IF WE WEREN'T ALREADY DATING SOMEONE, and that person we consider to be dating the body but also specific alters. they don't know about the situation ship YET. Also the guy [Lunar, I'll call him] who Void got us in a situation ship with, is like VERY OBSSESIED with us, like think Pierrot from TFC but more harrlequin vibes. like He has pics of my avatar on his walls and a [ykyk] doll of my avatar...like gross...and he's also like SUPER freaky [like sexual freaky], and idk how to get out of the situation ship

i feel alone,emtey,blank i feel like people have me as a last option

fcking shit, If she only has a solid plan, they we won't be repeating this over and over again

I wish somebody would notice when I'm down. (TW) I wish somebody would say something when I'm on my 30th suicide "joke" of the afternoon. But whatever I'm the happy comedic relief that you go to when everyone else is busy!

I have no real friends and it kinda sucks. Also probably my fault. Just wish I could be somebody's first choice. This loneliness got to me so bad that I also was fishing for something romantic for a while. I got someone to talk to but turns out they don't like me at all and now that's broken off too. At least I got to experience it. It's getting old that all 4 of my friends either don't like me, are bigots, or have friends that fall into that category, and all of them only talk to me when their first choices aren't available. Am I worth the time? Sure doesn't seem like it.

One of these times you are gonna be completely shocked when you come strutting back to the car where you left me 2 hours ago thinking I would have no issue waiting here for you while you let that junkie whore suck your dick down in the tunnel while you guys get high on fetty. I won't be here. I won't drop everything to come get you. I won't even answer my phone at all insted I'll be home getting ready to go out ¹to make my own cash my own way .

It is what it is ... I can't take it anymore

i think im trans but im too scared to tell anyone and i dont know what to do

Alcohol is the only thing that helps me say how I feel anymore . 19 months sober for nothing. I can't live a sober life.

I just fucking hate everyone alive on this planet. Legitimately want to just not exists right now. I’m so tired of living. Alcohol just sometimes isn’t enough. People are so shit to eachother.

I feel so disgusting. My dad raped me. I mean I think it was rape. For some reason my body welcomed him, but I hated every second of it. Does that count as rape? And I've a relapse into hurting myself again because of him. He keeps telling me not to tell anyone but Its really hard and its making me feel like shit. I know if I tell someone he'll prob end up in jail and I don't want that and that's why I havn't told anyone but I feel like shit and I don't want this to keep happening. But I know it will because i'm a people pleaser and I cant say no.

i did something that i knew could be wrong, but i didn't know for SURE that the wrong thing was happening, but i didn't take the steps to make sure it wasn't even though i knew it was a possibility. and now it turns out i DID do wrong/bad and i feel evil and disgusting for it. i don't know what to do or how to feel better because i HATE the thing i did and usually ACTIVELLY ALWAYS avoid it but this time i just didn't think enough about it to avoid it and now i did something wrong and i feel horrible.

I hate autism. Ik its not an excuse for any behaviour and im aware ive been mean in the past and current. And im sorry. Im always working hard towards my goals and my future. Sometimes living with autism is hell. Social life is nonexistent, and connections is harder then ever. Love life is also nonexistent too especially when ur lgbtq. But I've accepted it.

Sometimes I think to myself. Why did I ever put so much effort in one person I truly poured my heart and soul into for 3 years. A girl I loved. Although. I know our relationship was not healthy in many ways. I wish it still worked out. But, it happened for a reason. She said I was never the problem and she wanted to work on herself. But, she choose someone else so quickly and pushed me away. Maybe I never mattered in the first place. True love nd dedication isn't worth it anymore.

I'm not used to putting effort into school work. Everything's always been easy for me. But since the start of my sophomore year, I've been struggling in collage algebra. Why do I have to be in collage algebra? Am I ungrateful for hating that I was put in that class? Is it my fault that I suck at math? Sure I haven't had an actual math teacher that sticks around for more than 2 months for the past 3 or 4 years, but others are doing so much better than me. Why am I a failure? I feel myself falling behind and I've barely even had the motivation to get out of bed, I don't even know how I'm managing to turn in (most of) my work. I hate school. I hate that I'm not smarter. I just wish I don't wake up tomorrow morning, just so I don't have to feel so worthless on top of everything else going on in my life.

i lose friends. why? i dont fucking know that. theyre all predictable on one thing, theyll leave as soon as you become comfortable. and its like you cant do anything about it. its just, inevitable. we shouldve just studied without any external connections, maybe that way we all wouldve graduated. i will never understand why people have to put others down when theyre on top of the FUCKING table with their 46 medals of appreciation and not because of their grades. like you have all forms of appreciation do you want a cookie for dragging others down? shitless shameless and fucking deluded losers. all of them have NO RIGHT to talk on who i am when all they do i search for appreciation while putting others down in the dark depths of vision. IF WE WERE ALONE MAYBE THIS WOULDNT HAPPEN. DECADES HAVE PASSED AND YOURE TELLING ME THE EDUCATION SYSTEM HAS ONLY DEGRADED?!

i don't feel good about myself at all. its like i used to be something, but im astronomically not good at anything. i grew up what is supposed to be called normal. i cant understand it. i know that there are seasonal depressions and shit but tmamn this has been so.. long. feels like decades have passed and im fucking done with myself. i want to prove myself right on something positive and not prove my overthinking skills again. i repeat everytime i predicted that someone would leave me because i had nothing on the fucking table. i FUCKING hate everyone. FUCK YOU TO ALL 20+ PEOPLE IN ALL 4 SECTIONS OF MY BATCH LEVEL IN SCHOOL. YOU ALL HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO JUDGE MY LIFESTYLE NOW. YOU WANTED THIS, SO FUCKING TAKE IT. I LOST FRIENDS TIME AND AGAIN AND YOU STILL USE ME FOR FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT. FUCK ALL OF YOU AND YOUR SHIT. IM NOT SOME PUPPY ON TELEVISION TO BE JUDGED. YOU HAVE NO EMPATHY AND WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WITHOUT IT. YOU ALL GREW UP SHITTING AND SHITTING. DIE ALL OF YOU DIE