Ive just left a friendgroup where no one was in the right, and there was someone else in there who fucked everything up by spreading rumors to each other in the group because he was obsessive over this one friend. Ive left it some time ago but their whole group disbanded after that friend was kicked out. I still feel an intense rage, more like Im still trying to figure out how to cope with it. Because there was nothing I could do to prevent that. And not only that I just found out I was cheated on several years ago in the same semester. And Ive just connected with people this semester more but realized that it doesnt matter because I know none of that will last forever. There isnt a reason for that. Im angry but tired at the same time, almost like people are just so disconnected from their own emotional state or the awareness of the world that it pisses me off. Sometimes I feel the need to vent out my anger, but what for. It doesnt matter, none of it does. But ill keep going.
Recent Rants
my girlfriend finds sex really important to her and i can’t reciprocate that. i don’t want to get into the details but i have a fair share of sexual trauma and it’s really fucked up my view of intimacy and sex. half of the time i only reciprocate to make her happy. it’s not that she pressures me, she’s so loving and always tells me to say no if i don’t feel like it. i just can’t. i don’t want to disappoint her because i know how much it matters to her. i know it’s bad. i just pray for it to be done every time and revert back to pretending like i did so many years ago. i always feel like i’m in danger when we do it. the worst part is that i don’t even feel like my trauma is valid. i don’t know why it still bothers me. i’m with someone who loves me now. i just keep reverting back to that scared, naive child.
i’m a big hypocrite and useless. i always tell my girlfriend that communication is important, and i’ve gotten her to open up to me but my response always makes it worse. i wish i knew how to comfort people and how to stop sounding so robotic when people open up to me. i can’t stop it and it frustrates me. i’ve tried so hard to keep trying to improve and just trying to better my comforting skills for her. but i can’t. i’m so useless and an asshole. i’ve made her feel bad so many times. i don’t even know why she talks to me anymore if i can’t do anything for her. she already has a friend who would be a better fit than me. and the hypocrite part, i never open up about my feelings. i used to, but nowadays i can’t bring myself to talk about them. it’s just so much easier to be quiet. when things bother me, i just tell myself to deal with them. i don’t want to be vulnerable to anyone. i’ve been told my whole life that everyone will just leave eventually. maybe it’s true.
I have no personality i hate myself i hate myselgf i hat e myself uckf ufjcklfif FUCK
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Need to rant? Let it out. Anonymous.
IM SO BORINGJREGHREGHREGREGEKGNEGNERNGBRKNGBDFKJGNFBFDFDNBFDNMFDMBLKFDKLGKLBKLGFDLKGNFDJKGNFDJKGNDFGNDF IM SO FUCKING BORIGNDOLF NGJFDNGJFDGKGSKGJL;SDKJGFDSLNFDMGDESKFSKFDNKLFEWFKLNESFNKLESFKNLEWEWKNFEWLKNGWENGWENKNREWKLTMEWLMTEWMTEWLKMTKLEWMTEWMTMEWLWEJNDSFNFFJNKDKLSFKNLFEKGLNNGGLKNGRKLNGWLMKGKLFGKNLDGNKLKNFKGDNKFGDRPKEPRPKRPRWRLKGSLKFGL;GFL;GFL;KGFL;KGFLK;GFLKGF MB FEBMREGL;ORKTLRNGKRMG,REWNGKREW;MGR,EG REAW,GMR,G RSABFD .B,FD B.,FDBMFDMB
A few days ago I held a belt in my hands and imagined a small child in front of me. I could never for the life of me find the strength within me to raise the belt. I wonder if he knows how much he ruined me.
had this friend for years. things happened between us and i had to call it out because i wanted for us to talk things out instead of just letting time make it worse. thing is, by that confrontation it only got worse and i feel like im at fault for it. now they wont even reply when i asked if they still wanted to work things out. i dont want it to end the way its ending right now because they matter so much to me and this whole bad situation between us isnt enough for me to just forget everything weve been through, but i cant just make things okay on my own and theyve shown that they themselves dont want to do that. im currently writing a farewell message as a means to properly end things, to apologize on my end and to thank them for everything despite the situation going on, and im struggling on sending it because i dont want to make them carry my feelings anymore because i know i can be too much. and part of me doesnt want everything to end. i did everything i could, it wasnt enough.
A while ago, I read a Japanese book called The Complete Manual of Suicide. I thought it was terrible, I conceived of some Christian value toward this life not worth living. I now know that it's natural selection, as the book put forward, if you're too weak and not strong enough to persevere and find a way as the weak suffer what they must; be it bullying, be it whatever economic crisis hits, be it inceldom or an unsocial temperament. I think my threshold may be when the last person in my life walks away. You can't seek pity for this because in the end, you're told to live this life just because it's good and virtuous not to take your own life in the eyes of the self-repressed. All you're doing, again, is meeting the evolutionary process.
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Need to rant? Let it out. Anonymous.
I wish I could spite the people that I envy with my suicide, but all I'm doing is enacting the process of natural selection.
Someone get me out the box I feel like I am in. It feels so dark but it’s so light. I need help but I don’t know how to ask for it. I wish someone would take my hints. Someone help me please. I want freedom.
11 Days clean?!? I'm starting an art camp today, I think it'll be fun. Good luck on your journey ya'll :)
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Need to rant? Let it out. Anonymous.
I have wanted to die since i was 7 and ive gotten banned in ventscape for AGE even tho im struggling rlly badly this is the worst year for me luckly its for 4 days im banned but im worried i will do something stupid without being able to vent god i js wanna die
Entry 1 continued because I ran out of space.: My grunkle died last week. My family keeps fading away. We used to be so close. Now there’s only a few people left that’s still lives near me and most of them are old and will be gone soon too. I hate that feeling. I hate change. Someday they’ll all be gone and I’ll still be here. I’m the youngest by a landslide. I don’t want that. I hate living in a body that can’t handle change in a world that’ll never stop moving. I think I’m very ugly, but I’m also very pretty. I have very pretty eyes and eyelashes. But I’m fat. I’m very insecure about my double chin and how I still sound like a kid even though I’m almost an adult. Despite everything I feel calm this morning. August 18-19, 2026.
Entry 1: It feels like I’m already gone. And so is everything else. That’s okay though, I don’t hate that. I can’t sleep anymore. I just can’t seem to fall asleep. My eyes are so heavy but no matter how long I keep them closed I won’t sleep. It’s been getting worse and worse. I’ve been doing what I’m supposed to do, dimming the lights, putting the phone away, etc. This has been going on for maybe two weeks now. It’s okay though. I haven’t slept more than 3 hours in the past 2 days I don’t think. Stuff like melatonin doesn’t help. I’m doing kind things which makes me happy even if I feel deeply compelled to do bad things in my heart. Sometimes I think I might be too kind? Too generous? But I’m not kind enough where it really counts so maybe I’m just wasting my time. I wish I had the ability to do everything. My fyp was filled with scary videos for some reason today. I saw a guy get hit by a train. It made me scared. I didn’t like that. I feel so alien compared to others.
I have recently found out my fiancée is a lying slut. I found out she cheated on me, got pregnant, and had an abortion to hide. I found out she cheated on me at least 2 other times. I went through her phone and found old videos before we were together of her sucking dick. She originally told me that she only does it for me. I found all this stuff out a couple of weeks ago. I’m utterly disgusted. I can’t even look at this girl the same. Ready to go.
Feeling the same?
Need to rant? Let it out. Anonymous.
My brother attempted for the fourth time this summer I know it’s not my fault but I blame myself for not being enough for him. I’m scared of one day actually losing him I don’t know when his next attempt could be but what if he doesn’t wake up this time I’m scared of losing my only brother.
i think our relationship is over… but i don’t want it to end i love you z i love you more than you could ever imagine.