All Rants

I feel my life has no future and that I've wasted it, I can't handle in-person jobs as I struggle with eye contact, being kind and people in general and I doubt I'd be able to do any sort of online job as I can't handle drama/controversy very well I'm just fucking terrified man I'm 18 and graduated today I'm too scared to be an adult...

I have issues with gooning/getting off and it makes me feel disgusting after I do it and I can't keep it inside much longer as a mid teenager I'd get off to fanfics involving characters around my age never much younger and I feel awful for it now that I'm 18 I feel like a creep, a pervert and a predator even though I'm not I was experimenting and I just wanted to make myself not asexual anymore cause I thought that meant I was broken so to speak.. I just needed to vent this out I'm sorry to people who see this and are disgusted with me I'm disgusted with as well...

I want to break up with my boyfriend, but I've been with him for two years and he's convinced we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together, but I'm just not physically attracted to him anymore. I'm also being bullied by girls from high school and I want to transfer schools because I'm currently at an in-state college and I see everyone all the time I am so lonely and don't have any friends I wanna transfer schools but I know I can't. I just wanna leave this place forever and just start my life over. I hate how my body looks, and I can't get my stupid self to stick to a plan to get skinny. All I want is friends and to be confident and to have a boyfriend who I like, but he's so sweet and nice to me that there's no reason to break up with him. I'm so unmotivated all the time and I'm not even close with my family and my dog is struggling with seizures and that stresses me out and I feel like my whole life is just going to shit and I need to start over.

that moment when you do all the assignments yourself in a group project but that one bitch claims that “we” did it and ends up getting a better grade than you bcs the prof thinks she did it all by herself bcs she was the one presenting it and making it seem like she was the one doing all the hard work when shes actually the slowest bitch in this planet because she doesnt even know what the hell this project is about

i absolutely despise my mother. sometimes she acts all sweet then the next thing you know your getting blamed for smth you didn’t do, getting yelled at for literally no reason, and she makes you feel small and weak. my parents pay attention to my sister and im just there in the background and i can’t take it anymore. everyone is blinded, because all they see is my sister. after a few minutes they are like ‘ oh i didn’t see you there who are you?’ i swear im actually gonna jump off a cliff

Part 2: The dealership gave her a free emotion support button in the form of a hooter because she was diagnosed with incurable superiority complex. Honking is the soundtrack to her entire life in D minor — because nothing says “calm, mature driver” like honking! Also the only horn she gets so wear and tear rate is high.  The whole car smells like a burnt clutch, superiority complex, Woolies receipts, and pure parking-lot aggression. She drives like she owns the mall, the road, and possibly three unhappy ex-husbands, two children that avoids her just because you are one self-entitled bitch.

Part 1: This older woman drives through the shopping centre parking lot like her GT stripes turned her Ford minibus taxi into a Formula 1 car. Speed limits? Merely suggestions. Smaller cars? Optional obstacles.  The “Sandton Face” is pulled tighter than a brand new leather handbag — so tight she can probably see the future, her past, and a few complaints about her “turfjakkals” attitude. Her cheeks haven’t moved since 2004, and somehow the eyebrows need to apply for separate passports.  One hand glued to the steering wheel, the other permanently raised in the air with that bent arthritis finger. Honestly, I couldn’t tell if she was flipping me off or proudly showing me her ID photo for comparison purposes.  The way she screams outdated Afrikaans homophobic insults out the window like a shopping trolley with one broken wheel — loud, aggressive, and wildly off direction yet so proud of herself… Shame, calm down “tannie”… Your blood pressure is doing more revs than the engine.

Like a month or two ago I recently started liking someone new after finally getting over someone that I was infatuated with for over a year. The relationship I had with that girl was one-sided and very unhealthy. I didn't realise that it was, but I'm glad I eventually did and apologised. She had rejected me multiple times and it was difficult for me to cope after she did because I find myself being codependant on people. My relationship with the person I like right now is fine, but I'm worried that I'll lose control over myself again. I've recently been really anxious about how she might react if I confess because I would feel absolutely crushed if I finally moved on from a rejection but then get rejected again. The worst part is- I'm still quite young. I shouldn't be worrying about this, but I can't help it. Seeing others be favoured while I'm over here really hurts after a while.

I always envied the kids who were told by teachers that they have bright futures ahead of them, though that means nothing now, nor would I have wanted to just compete.

I wish I could enjoy life the way I see others do. I want to be able to go outside without worrying about every single thing that could be looking wrong with me. I want to buy groceries without feeling like everyone is staring at me and judging everything I do. I want to feel joy around others, instead of being scared of them. I want to laugh, to scream, to cry, to genuinely smile, to show emotions I truly feel instead of hiding and pretending. I want to come back home and not overthink everything I said or everything I‘ve done. I want the pit in my stomach to go away. The racing of my heart. The trembling in front of others. The nausea and urges to bang my head against the wall. I want to be me. But not the me that I currently am. Not the me that has been shaped by anxiety and fear and that wilted away. I want to be the real me free of judgement by others and judgement by me. The me that was free to become exactly the person they wanted to be.

I feel that men's rights movements in particular wouldn't want me to have a life. It's funny how they always call people like myself delusional, when they're delusionally becoming carbon copies of eachother. In most cases, I'd just ignore them; I just feel stupid for ever expecting them to help, part of the same system that doesn't give a crap about me and keeps crippling my aspirations toward the void and away from their performative optimism. As I mentioned before, it's embarrassing trying to get like that when you know that it does nothing for your creative spirit. I can't bleed it into a soulless product, I don't even want to. Every "exit" is barred to something else or has already been mauled at by strange, foreboding creatures that try to claim themselves as another person's past; these goblins of commercialism.

I'm so pressed bro, there's this insufferable guy at my school and he always does things to me. Today we got our class pictures, and since there's a lot of people in my grade they put the pictures in a cardboard tube since they are so big. I was already irritated that my friends kept touching it (People just don't know how to handle photo paper it pmo) so it was getting smudged and then I get to class and this fuckass kid swing the tube and the paper comes out and he dents out, then he steals the tube. lt genuinely made me so mad and now there's nothing I can do, I could care less about what happens to this dude, I just wish he didn't dent my paper, and its a noticable dent too, I haven't even unrolled the paper to look at it though. #worstdayever

I never had the money to truly care for myself. I don't even want the money, I don't want to go out and work for it. It's shitty and makes a lot of people envious, I'd rather just stay put and try to be "creative" at the cost of being noticed or productive- because, again, I don't have the money. Talent isn't even an issue. Social media gives the visage of invincibility, but they're still sinking into mediocrity with the market that they can't see. There probably are other ways, but I'm not one for travelling or grovelling to people. People embarrass me, generally, and I've found that most of them don't even care. Even if I were to invest more time into becoming skilled, I can't get them to care. Then there's the guilt and the trauma of being that one kid who everyone bullied; no one from high school wants to meet up with me, even. I'm still a blight on other peoples' reputation. I can make any polished man look dirtier, it's part of my whole aesthetic.

I'm still hurt by people using me as an example for someone who's too incompetent, too addled or brainwashed by society, too incapable of handling anything themselves. I've been known as a Charlie Gordon, as someone you'd go along with while looking down upon. "Friends" always avoided me, I brought their reputation down whenever I tried to Yozo myself into some performative cheerfulness in the sad and deteriorating role of a clown, reterritorialized and taken from pleasant interactions. I know there was an expectation to perform, I played into every trap and was known by some as an "incel." "You want a date with (my name)," they'd say sarcastically, yet would play into it- I was constantly reported to HR for being too much of an autistic creep to get that no one wanted me there. I still don't grasp the determining tone; I was subjected to this just because I was special needs, I was special needs because I came from a poor family with not much experience in education at all.

I'm not depressed or anything, at most I have depressive and self-pitying mood surges, but sometimes I just wish I'd end it. Or be locked up in an asylum. Or I don't even know anymore, I just wanna rest and be gone from this world. All this anxiety, all this confusion, and all of these things in me that I can't identify but know are wrong and negative is making me rot from the inside. I'd like to believe I'm fine, I'm improving, but these days some of these little moodswings feel so intense, yet they go away so fast once I realise I don't HAVE to feel this way. But once I realise I feel a certain negative way and decide to stay in bed a little more and let myself doomscroll, I feel like an impostor and like I'm overdramatising how I feel on purpose. Which I truly feel like I do, because I have NOTHING to be that way about, yet I still do. I fantasize of bad things happening, scarring me, and I somehow, disgustingly yearn for it. I wish for all of it to stop.

I think this is the most appropriate category for this. My at-school friendships don't feel real. Most of the time they do, but then I remember the horrible shit I used to think and say to my ex-friend (who is a piece of shit and I was naive and stupid) about them because of a lack of judgement and, honestly? I have no idea why. In 7th grade I was at a new school w an old really really great friend of mine from our previous school. She started talking w this girl and then me too and I got really close really fast and she was a mean bitch. Like, she hates and says shit abt everybody. But I was stupid and naive and too anxious to voice my opinion. When hse made fun of someone, I agreed and laughed. Eventually I didn't bc I recognised it's wrong. I broke our friendship a year after and I've been good friends w more, bette rpeople, but people I once said shit abt. I misjudged, but I will never be able to forgive myself for even THINKING those words. I just feel like the fakest bitch.

I dont think i qualify for a relationship but I want to be loved so bad. My partner always tells me how it's their dream to only belong to one person (It might be slightly unhealthy but whatever, they didnt care) which I thought was amazing because I have really horrible jealousy issues so we both could fit each other's standards. But recently they havent been following what they said. They have this one friend thats always flirty and touchy, always wanting to hang out with my partner, and the friend makes me extremely uncomfortable. Ive told my partner before and my partner said they would cut them off, but they havent. they keep hanging out together. they keep talking even though I told my partner I wouldnt want them to talk at all, and they got mad at me and said i dont own them. And it just hurts, but Im also mad at myself because they arent actually mine. I feel horrible for trying to control them because now I dont think they love my jealousy anymore

I'm sick of having to deal with the problems my family causes every day, and that's the biggest mistake of their lives. It's also because my sister doesn't listen to me or understand me at all. Think about it: I live in a hostel that’s a 12-hour trip away, and you can only get there by changing modes of transportation. Now I’m coming there for a two-month vacation and bringing only a few clothes, and my sister and I are the same size, and I only brought her the clothes she doesn’t even wear, but I’m still getting an earful. And she can do this every day, but when I told her today for the first time not to give me the Vaseline, my mom tells me, “You eat this Vaseline.” Oh my god, even though she’s been so mean, she still wears my shoes and goes to practice every day, and yet I’m the one who’s to blame? No, they think I’m completely crazy. Don’t give the wrong answers, study, don’t be a top student—you haven’t achieved anything in your life so far. Oh, do you think I’d give up my life at 19?

I've dicked around in my late teens and throughout my 20s by spending money carelessly as a bad way of coping with long history of immediate family drama over money/bills, going on and off from college trying to figure out what I really wanted to do, and finally figured it out a little late and finished my bachelor's degree late last year (just few months before turning 30). Now, I'm stuck in underemployment hell working a temp job that doesn't really have consistent work hours, stuck living with my parents just to deal with even more issues, my mother has stage 2 cancer and currently getting chemotherapy treatment. All I have to show for my long-overdue college degree is student loan and credit card debt that I will probably never be able to pay off thanks to this broken POS job market keeping me in underemployment hell. I'm at a point where I honestly just don't even care about life anymore.

we broke up just days ago and it feels like hell atp, The worst part of it is that we ended so healthily my friends even agree that we'll find eachother again soon. I do hope that but theres another part of be that just wants to let go because what if he doesnt come back, what if he just decides to forget about me and move on. He says that he'll come back and that he still loves me but my past trauma and my mind is telling me that he isnt. I've lived this before and i cant fucking do anyhting about how i think and its killing me inside. I shut down before letting him in my life, i didnt believe in love and i never wanted to be vulnerable anymore, but he was literally my only exception. My heart aches to the fact hes not mine anymore, that i wont be waking up at 9am seeing his goodmorning messages and i wont be falling asleep with his gn's. It hurts knowing im not his baby, and i cant call him that anymore. I miss him, i want him to come back so bad i cant do this anymore.