All Rants

I dont rlly know what to say ngl everything’s just tiring

im trying to sew something for a graduation but when i tried using the sewing machine it just created a fluff of thread on the back, "wait for mom to come back home and she'll teach you!" stfu. please and when i started crying, my family was like, oh youre so dramatic! and they also kept ignoring me, plus my grandma started comparing me to trump and making it about her. "oh! my life is so difficult and you dont see me cry!" please. i dont want to hear it.

I've truly lost everything now. I am at rock bottom. I just don't know what to do. I am so sad. I don't have any real hope that things will ever get better for me.

What need for a soap opera when there's one going on in my living area. For real though this place has more issues than a newspaper. A rate hike with a bill happens , people go abuzz and through the roof. Yeah I get their concerns and frustration is valid. BUT. I have enough in my daily life to deal with. I don't the need added drama. Like the saying goes save the drama for your mama. Why do people enjoy it so much? Like they got nothing better than to spazz out about things that can be resolved soon enough or eventually. Not so sure about our karen situation though. Never seen anybody so intentionally petty, callous , doggish pig acting, hypocritical two face fake acting obnoxious etc like they are. They probably deserve a spot in the category neighbors from hell. What gets me is I'll see them leave sympathetic comments on social media on stories when people don't have a clue how they are as neighbors. Unbelievable. How tf do they sleep at night acting like that?

Maybe JESSICA, if you were a better friend to me, I might do the same thing. Just a thought...

Okay, look plants, we need to talk about risk aware consensual kink. I do not consent to your frisky pollen swinger parties, alright? Enough already. I don't need tree spunk in my eyes and sinuses for 8 months of the year! Seriously, my pollen allergy has been horrendous this year, even my cat who has never had issues before has struggled this year, as have a lot of humans I know who'd never experienced pollen allergies before, but have this year. On prescriptions and OTCs, and nasal sprays, and eye drops, and I'm still struggling this year. Jeez plants, chill! (And not Netflix and chill!)

im in love with my best friend but when she texts she sounds so aggressive/annoyed and i don't know what I'm doing wrong but I just want her to love me back. In person she's great tho. so i'm just like wtf o i do here bc i realllyyy like her but i dont think she would ever date me... helpppppp T_T

Why is going into a relationship so hard? Like I don’t want to make any mistakes and what if they aren’t the one for me?

been dealing with ptsd unmedicated and the prolonged stress/anxiety (from absolutely everything in life) has caused physical heart issues. have to see a cardiologist and a psychologist. both incredibly expensive?! i can’t believe this is where i ended up. gotta keep the faith i guess.

job searching has been the bane of my existence for the past year. i quit my previous job because it was causing me health issues since i was working a 24/7 roster, AND handling patients going through severe mental health crises. back to job searching, i had to do FOUR interviews for this customer service call centre job for a start-up company providing expensive ADHD support to people. they then ghosted me for a few weeks then when i asked for an update said someone else had better experience. THEN 2 months later the same role opened up again as they expanded and they asked me to do interviews again. I said - why? then they ghosted me. haha… i then had a friend who said she’d get me a job at her clinic. they called me and said they’d set up an interview. WEEKS pass, i hit her up again. the person who called said i made up the fact that an interview would be set up and the role wasn’t available. hope they all have unbearably shitty days moving forward.

I miss you. Or at least I think I do. Why did you have to leave? Why do they not allow any contact with you? Why don't they allow my photos to be sent to you? Am I the problem? I know I'm not the problem, but I blamed myself for years. You're the one that cut contact. What did you do to be hated by those who once loved you? Or did the cruel world change you, molding you from a wonderful charming person into another mindless soldier of society? I wish I knew. I look out into the night sky and think of you. Of what you used to mean to me. It's been years, but I can't forget. You were my idol. My heart. My soul. I loved you, in the truest sense. Even if I never find romantic love, the bond we shared meant more than that. But then again, I was a kid. Does it mean anything at all? To anyone who is reading this, sorry for being a bit vague, but this needs to be sent into the void.

I am genuinely losing it I feel like if I actually finally got a diagnosis for Autism like most people assume my life would be way easier.. but no my mom forgets to book the fucking appointment all the time and I doubt it's intentionally but it's SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING I don't want to say I have it as I feel if I don't then it's rude but like my grandma, teachers and DOCTOR have all assumed so clearly there's something there that should be looked into but oh well...

I'm so frickin confused about myself. I afraid I might end my life when I move into my own apartment, and at the same time I want to finally be out and alone from my toxic household. I promise myself I'm not gonna self harm anymore, just for it to be a lie to myself. What if me not wanting to die is also a lie I tell myself to cope with all this bullshit. I'm scared of society, what doctors might think of me if I where to cut really deep. Because I want to bleed, badly, but I'm afraid of the pain that comes with it, of the people who will see it. Will they be disappointed? Will they simply not care because it happened again? Is it unimportant because they wounds are just not big enough? At what point are the wounds big enough? I'm don't trust my own mind, and surely not my own mental health and it scares me that I have no idea if I'm stable or not.

i hate having a small dick. it doesn't matter what anyone says, being below average sucks. i've heard the entire spiel about how it doesn't really matter and you can do more but no one ever talks about how everything about current culture makes it so easy for you to get literal body dysmorphia over it. i've been pushed to suicidal ideations over it, over hating myself about something i can't control. why is it that i'm born with 'less'? why is it that i bother so hard to become someone who's a decent person in a culture where there's so many shitty men getting whatever they want out of life? it's not funny anymore. it's never been. every single 'small dick' joke i've taken to the chest with laughter and then i get home and just despise my body. i hate having been groomed when i was young. i hate having watched porn so young. i hate the fact that i was groomed into this bullshit cycle of pornography that just makes me feel worse about me. i hate feeling less. i hate it.

so i go to this christian summer camp and there was this girl (S). the first year she came i was a little nervous about S but all of my friends conclusively decided that i was rude so i just decided that i was crazy. but lo and behold, she decided that i was too “weird” to be her friend and she bullied me all the time. my friends took my side for once, then a year later i saw her come back to camp and i obviously was nervous around her, but none of my friends cared and they became friends with S. then this year i saw her at one of my sisters basketball games and she was acting as if we were best friends, but i obviously didn’t want to talk to her. then she came back to summer this year and was acting all chummy to me again, just like S did the first week of summer before she bullied me. i think im going crazy but i think it will happen again.

Random thoughts. Is it so wrong that I was a huge gamer. I mean it's all I ever knew because parents partied and got high drunk and left me hanging with video games. Come later in life ok get told "you played games too much". Wtf did you expect it's all I ever knew (not entirely of course but it became an addiction) and all you people did was stay high drunk , party etc. So tell me how that's my fault? Didn't want me to game you could have easily took it away or hid the power cords. It's not like I never went outside. It didn't completely define my early childhood I had plenty outside adventures/experiences fyi. Still that crap wasn't my fault. Yeah I know time can't be undone. There were times I didn't have a lot of friends so yeah id turn to that. It was an escape as well from a raging druggie drunk of a parent. So. I can't help how things went.y family is bad to bring up things of the past. Like I said that stuff didn't define me. So whatever I guess. We all survive best way we can.

I've moved to a new school, and there's this girl that talked to me a few days after I joined. I'm an introvert, and she was sitting alone too, so now she's my only companion at school. However, I completely hate her. She's a classic "emo" character, only liking heavy metal and gory horror films and wearing black. Honestly, she's so boring. I give only passive aggressive one word answers to whatever she says, and she is still not taking the hint. She is somehow also worse at interacting with people than me. Everyone, including the teachers, just look at her weirdly and tolerate her. The worst part is that she thinks we're friends! We are NOT friends! I only tolerate her presence for the sake of convenience! I can ask her questions about homework deadlines and such. She's extremely stupid anyways, saying that she'll get an A when she averages around a D. Still, for the sake of social niceties, I pretend we're friends. How fun.

I feel my life has no future and that I've wasted it, I can't handle in-person jobs as I struggle with eye contact, being kind and people in general and I doubt I'd be able to do any sort of online job as I can't handle drama/controversy very well I'm just fucking terrified man I'm 18 and graduated today I'm too scared to be an adult...

I have issues with gooning/getting off and it makes me feel disgusting after I do it and I can't keep it inside much longer as a mid teenager I'd get off to fanfics involving characters around my age never much younger and I feel awful for it now that I'm 18 I feel like a creep, a pervert and a predator even though I'm not I was experimenting and I just wanted to make myself not asexual anymore cause I thought that meant I was broken so to speak.. I just needed to vent this out I'm sorry to people who see this and are disgusted with me I'm disgusted with as well...

I want to break up with my boyfriend, but I've been with him for two years and he's convinced we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together, but I'm just not physically attracted to him anymore. I'm also being bullied by girls from high school and I want to transfer schools because I'm currently at an in-state college and I see everyone all the time I am so lonely and don't have any friends I wanna transfer schools but I know I can't. I just wanna leave this place forever and just start my life over. I hate how my body looks, and I can't get my stupid self to stick to a plan to get skinny. All I want is friends and to be confident and to have a boyfriend who I like, but he's so sweet and nice to me that there's no reason to break up with him. I'm so unmotivated all the time and I'm not even close with my family and my dog is struggling with seizures and that stresses me out and I feel like my whole life is just going to shit and I need to start over.