All Rants

I'm thousands of miles away from my wife and kids and I feel like I've failed them. I came to the USA to make more money but all I've done is waste time and money so far. I can't provide for them, I resent my wife for not working and getting to do whatever she feels like, and every day I'm away from them I think more and more about divorce. I'm just so tired. Working crazy hours and feeling like I'm shit at that too. I go home in a month and don't want to see my wife again.

maybe its because of this secret social media life im hiding from my parents, which is making me feel very guilty about myself and everything i do and also slowly stripping away my youthfulness and innocence of life even though i know i wont be able to hold onto it forever. but id rather keep it with me for as long as i can before i actually grow up to be an adult with adult problems and such. it’s one of the only things keeping me from peace. although i may hate it, i cant stand the thought of cutting it out of my life either, its the only way i can actually socialize and talk with my closest friends. i have no idea what to do and its killing me. i’m so childish and pathetic.

It’s hard to know that someone I’m getting close with is planning on committing suicide this summer. The hints aren’t subtle, and I know there’s nothing I can do.

I’m in love with my best friend and we’ve talked time and time again about it. She has feelings for me too but we can’t do anything about it because she’s not comfortable coming out and she has so much to deal with and neither of us are in the headspace for a relationship anyways. But I just love her so much. I know it’s supposed to be like I don’t need anything from her but I just long for her. And she’s just a girl. But I just long for her and I just wish she felt the same because she has feelings but she just doesn’t care as much as me in the way that I do. I just love her so much. And she’s the one I talk to about anything. But I just can’t keep saying the same “I love you and it hurts” stuff because she tells me to be happy and just feel my feelings but i’m just in so much pain. I miss her even now. But she just doesn’t care as much and I know that’s okay I just love her so much and It’s so fucking painful.

He keeps getting distant, and not texting as much. I really like him but I can’t deal with the fact that he might be losing feelings while im still pretty much in lovd with him, I want us to last but I cry every night going back to our chats and seeing him get more and more careless about me

I wish I could grow up just to live my childhood the way I want to

I had a really bad situationship that I cut off after 3 months because of the 3 month rule iykyk. But during that time he was talking with two other girls and his ex which I guess I don't care since we were never a thing. However, he always forced me to show him my body and touched me even when I didn't want to be touched. It got really bad to the point I self harmed and the ONLY reason why I stopped initially was because my birthday was coming up and I was throwing a party that needed a fit with no sleeves. But to this day I still get those images in my brain and every time I look at my hands I can't help but scratch and want to cut them to pieces. I want to scrub my body until my skin is gone and lather it with soap again and again. I want to scream and cry and I do, but I just wish I could tell someone this and just get a hug after. I don't have trusted people because when my family found out they said I should do it and die if I really wanted to. I just feel horrible.

It's been a couple weeks after being SA'd and I still get random flashbacks when I'm all alone. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to since last time my family found out I was suicidal, they told me to just do it. My only friend that I could talk to moved away so now we barely talk much maybe once a week but we still comfort each other since she has a similar experience before me. And with finals coming and my mind being taken over by flashbacks and just the itch and burn of my own skin and hands, my grades are tanking and I'm set to a high standard by my family. I feel nauseous in my own skin and lately I've been feeling exhausted to the point where I am not even aware of my surroundings. I suddenly cry out of no where and I just want to give up so badly but I know some people would miss me.

my dog died and my family hid it from me for weeks (she lived at my dads house, i dont live there anymore) lowkey have been suicidal since 10 and it pisses me off and i dont have a safe space and i cant rant to anyone and OH MY GOD KILL ME. i self harmed for the first time with a hair tie since i couldn't find a rubber band and i am TERRIFIED of blood so i cant cut. but atleast ik my brother went through the same at 10 :')

I wanna die, not kill myself. Im too scared to commit to any actual forms of self harm, but I really just wish I were dead. I feel trapped in my own home and unable to escape. I have nothing, no one, 0 prospects, 0 motivation. I just stole alcohol out of the fridge and am trying to drink away my problems, which is stupid. Im not even a drinker, I hate the taste of alcohol, but I am desperate for solutions and I know people do this to make themselves feel better. Theres something wrong with me and I dont know what, and anytime I try to figure it out Im belittled and ignored. Writing this is stupid thinking these things is stupid. I wish I had the courage to actually kill myself, but I dont and so im stuck. I feel like a child for even thinking these things, I should suck it up and deal with it, but I cant. Im not deserving of the life I have, the people I know or even the feelings I have. Im truly an utter waste of space and resources. A fucking parasite to anyone and everything around

I told my boyfriend it's okay to quit his job because they caused so many issues and made him so stressed. I have a job that will pay the rent so I told him it's okay to quit , he eventually did. I usually cleaned because he was working long hard hours but was hoping he would start helping me clean after he quit. Nope I'm working everyday it's seems cause I have two jobs and he doesn't do anything but complain. Talking about I can't do anything tell it's a lot cleaner , like ya I wish I could. Now he's looking for a job and getting mad that I don't have the availability to take him to interviews cause he has no driver license. But I've told him just to message my family for a ride but he won't because he doesn't want to deal with them. But then gets mad at me for not being available!!! Like I'm working so we can eat and have a roof not because I want to!! I have told him it's fine to wait to get a job but he dead set on it. Im tired all the time.

So I’ve been hitting the gym for a few years now. 16 years old currently. I’ve gotten significantly bigger over all this time and got really lean. Like super lean sub 10%. But in all honesty I kind of hate it. Like I know that’s dumb cause some people would wish for it but I do. Not saying I would give it up or prefer being fat. I just don’t like what I am now. And I know people just say eat more food or stop being so active during the day but it’s not that easy. I’ve been trying to gain weight for months probably over a year now. I was like 140 a year ago and now I weight like 150. 10 pound increas other a year is not enough. I’ve been really trying and I hate the way I look because I’m so thin and sticklike. People always say I am crazy lean and I know I am but I just hate how skinny I look. I just need to gain weight. I need to be 165 or even heavier. I don’t care if I get pretty fat while doing so. I hate the way I am and I need to get heavier.

I really like this guy at my school, he’s funny, cute, nice, and he’s just a whole package, I really like him and I think he likes me too cause during testing he looks at me and mouths “are you okay?” Or “are you good?” And I’ve seen the way he looks at me and smiles at me, I just don’t know how to tell him or how to make sure he does, he always listens to me and looks at me too, he smiles at me or he walks with me to class, he’s just amazing and I wish I could tell him but I’m scared cause what if he doesn’t like me back and I’m being delusional? I just don’t know what to do.

y'all, something is wrong with me. I have ADHD, I feel like every moment in life is killing me, I'm lesbian, I have an amazing girlfriend, but why do I lie and keep things from her. I'm not scared she'll tell people, I'm scared she'll leave me silently. She has told me about her dad and the cuts she has, and I'm so glad that she's brave enough to tell me, but I'm too much of a pussy to let her know the scars on my body have been happening since I was 8, she doesn't know about them at all yet and I'm scared when she does shell move away from me emotionally. I can't lose her again; we broke up in elementary school, and I never stopped loving her. I don't know what to do anymore. My parents don't know and her mom his homophobic. WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO BE SUCH A PUSSY, WHY CAN'T I TELL THE PERSON THAT I HAVE LOVED FOR SO LONG GOW I FEEL, DOES SHE ACTUALLY LOVE ME, DOES SHE WANT TO BREAK UP!!! I can' do this anymore, I do think she loves me, I don' love myself. maybe It will end, maybe..

i might fail algebra I wish i wasn't so stupid my summer is going to be ruined because something is just fucked up with my brain why can't I just learn and function like a normal person??? fuck this, fuck me man

1) what would I do if I went invisible: Do whatever the fuck I want without being judged 2) why don't you hurt you talk about it so much: I can't image anyone thinking it's their fault once I'm gone especially my dad 3) why did you start doing bad thing that I shouldn't do it even when younger you said you never would: I realized that I don't have as much self-control as I thought I did 4) what would you do rather than hurt myself if you could do anything: I would erase myself from every one's life and run far away and start a new life 5) if you say how much you hate your body why do you keep eating: because starving yourself doesn't do shit, I learned from experience 6) what would you tell people at your funeral: how they shouldn't cry, the never noticed how much I was hurting, how long I was crying for 7) what would you tell your family: how much I loved them and how I never wanted to hurt them, but it was for the best I love you all, have an amazing day/ night, bye yall! <3

you expect me to feel gratitude? yes ma'am yes sir it's always "my child is a doctor" "my child is an engineer" oh will you shut the fuck up? it's never "my child is happy" "my child is living" "my child achieved their goals and dreams" you claim you "love" your child no matter what and yet your love is unconditional where strings are tied like a puppet and you love the helpless young soul in the version you want them to be "no one bothers you." oh please! i never tell you anything because you never acknowledge my feelings as a human being. and because of being forced into what you want them to be instead of happiness they are experiencing trauma dark thoughts feeling bad about themselves constantly masking thier pain and tears into happiness and the poor broken young soul never stopped loving its parents it stopped loving itself.

you expect me to feel gratitude? yes ma'am yes sir it's always "my child is a doctor" "my child is an engineer" oh will you shut the fuck up? it's never "my child is happy" "my child is living" "my child achieved their goals and dreams" the poor broken young soul never stopped loving its parents it stopped loving itself.

It kills me that I can't be skinny. Everyone I'm surrounded with is thin and slim and beautiful and I feel like so disgusting. I don't have a pretty body type and I just don't look good and all I've wanted for years is to be able to lose this weight. It's so draining after so long to still be stuck in square one, and it's so frustrating knowing that I'll never be able to achieve my goal. I feel like I've wasted so much time and potential. And I can't talk to anyone because I don't want to hear that bullshit about "you're beautiful how you are" well I don't feel myself in this body, I feel trapped and I feel like the extra weight and fat is suffocating me.

I dont rlly know what to say ngl everything’s just tiring