All Rants

I think I'll never love my body as a girl. If I have to stay stuck in this body is there even a point in living. I don't know how much longer I can live like this.

It's funny—before, I thought I could get a job just like her, but look at me now—I can't even get started. Seriously.

I can't cope with this world I think. I just feel like I just shouldn't be here. Like I'm just not meant to be here. That my existence was some mistake.

I feel like I'm on the edge of a mental break. I hate myself so much right now. And feel like and awful friend while also feeling like I'm just being used.

i hate summer. summer means leaving home. summer means asking. summer means everything gets a little bit louder. it means filling the empty void with empty feelings and thoughts. it means getting your hopes up just for it all to be shattered. it means giving yourself up for someone to continuously shut you down. it means asking to be wanted.

I really don't know. There's so much I want to do—like, I have all these materials, but I don't know how to use them. I feel like I'm not very good at it. I tried selling stuff—I did make some sales, yes—but the money just keeps flowing out and I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere—it’s not enough, is it? I can’t seem to sell the perfumes and the camera properly. I have a Facebook page but I don’t know how to manage it. What is this even about? I decided not to take summer classes so I’d have something else to keep me busy, but I’ve been hanging out at home for almost two weeks now. No source of income. I keep saying I’m going to apply for a summer job, but I haven’t even finished my resume. I have the WHOLE day to do things and yet, I end up doom scrolling on TikTok and Reddit. I don’t want to be jealous of other people’s lifestyles, so I deactivated my other accounts—I even made another account just so I wouldn’t see my friends who are doing internships in my feed—but I still don’t have anything to do to divert my attention to other things. It sucks.

I feel like my dad has an addiction to pickleball. Like, i know its a sport and something he enjoys and there's nothing wrong with that, its just.. he plays pickleball EVERY night and comes home tired and complains about it. Plus, he turns the tv on when we try to go to sleep, he's also a coach(well not really a coach just a mentor at a school) so he has coaching sessions everyday so we dont get to see him that much and we cant like bond together, he was also working abroad(Japan) but in 2022, he came home. He said that we'll bond together and everything but, since he came home, hes only been fixing the house or something. And before pickleball, he was addicted to biking, that was okay since we still had time to bond(he only biked in the morning). Now lately, he's been coming home late everynight. He also has a plot of land that he's been changing to an "all sport" court i put air tags cause he has only been trying to make it a pickleball court and has been focused on it lately.

I feel like I am babying my partner, like they are completely incapable of taking care of themself and I have to do everything for them including cook, regulate their emotions, clean up after them and everything in between. I feel like I am drowning in resentment and there's nothing I can do because every time I try to back off they completely freak out and it's all I can do to keep everything together. They are so depressed and so self conscious, that any time I do anything for myself or any time I accomplish anything it is a personal attack on them. I have to be so supporting and interested in all of their activities but when it comes to my stuff I can't even feel proud or fulfilled because every time I talk about it they just get so depressed and sad about their own fucking shit that they can't even look at me. its so fucking pathetic and I am so fuckign over it. I dont even know why I spend time with them anymore. it's like im watching a toddler the entire time.

Life isn’t easy. But I think that one day it will be worth it. For every loss I’ve had I would need dozens of wins BUT today I’m choosing to be positive. Some days can be rough and I stay away from therapy during those times but I’m realizing it’s ok to talk about these things in therapy because ultimately, I want to grow as a person.

I’m so scared that i won’t find proper healthy love I’ve only had one relationship and one situation ship and the relationship ended because he cheated on me financially stole from me and was so emotionally unstable to the point where even a ping from a text notification would send me into an anxiety attack and so much more and with the situation ship he slept with my friend right next to me as we where having a sleep over and so after everything I feel like I can’t find a long term healthy relationship I feel like I’m not enough no matter what

I feel like falling apart and crying. But I can't. I wish she cared about me as much as I care about her

It hurts. Everything hurts so much. I want to cry but I can't, 8 feel like those dark days of last year are coming back again, I just wish I had someone to tell, someone to take me away from all this and just hug me for a while. Love me for a while. Ara ma'am is just a teacher, why do I want her to take care of me so badly? When my own parents are unable to comfort me how will she? It is hopeless, i suppose. But when I think about lying in her arms, hugging her and crying out all my sadness into her suits, I feel relieved. I feel like i feel too much, and think too much. I wish I were as simple as so many of my other friends. They see a problem and they think let's fix it. I see a problem and start to critically analyse it. I feel like I'm desperate for attention, but I need someone to be there for me. Sr ma'am helped me yes but we don't match. And ara ma'am is way too wonderful for me to ruin my reputation in front of her by telling her that I'm dying. I feel like dying. I need her.

I feel bad because I hate my friends sometimes. It's not really that I hate them, but that watching them makes me feel depressed. sometimes I'll notice a mannerism or tone of voice from them that makes me feel so sad and miserable. I wish I had somebody to talk to about feeling this way, but it would hurt my friends' feelings, so I have nobody. wait listed for therapy. Parents are too stressed to deal with my shit. Sister would react so intensely, she always does. I feel like I'm all alone.

Bruh my depression is relapsing again.. I'm happy for a bit and then my sadness just comes right back.. I'm stuck in the same loop again. It's like I never made any progress. I'm just tired of school and of everything. My life sucks rn.. The girl I was friends with and whole I liked rejected me too so that's great. I want her so bad it hurts. I wish one thing would at least work out for me but nothing really does..

I really wish he just was honest about not wanting to date me I loved him so much got so attached to the point where I told my family about him after multiple times of them saying I can’t have a boyfriend anytime soon. He was my only acception I loved him so so much but his friends forced him to be with me after they saw we had chemistry and it just ruined everything. I don’t know what to do anymore and I’m so tired of all this shit.

My dad is such a shit person that I don’t believe he could ever be forgiven for the shit HES said to me out of pure anger, all this stuff he’s said without thinking that he never apologized for and then acted hurt when I avoided him and stopped talking to him because he was being ignorant about my mental health and illness. And he thought he was doing nothing wrong. So I exploded and I screamed at him that he was pushing me closer and closer to slitting my throat open and forcing him to watch, and I’m normally a calm person I don’t say shit like this but the one person who I hate most is my dad. The ammount of trauma he’s put me through and acted like I was the crazy one for breaking under all the pressure he put on me?? He pisses me off so bad it’s crazy out of 8billion+ poeple I only hate a few and the one I’m supposed to trust most the person who “protects” me is one of them get me out of this house I’m so tired of it my mom doesn’t deserve to be treated like this and neither do I

Sometimes I just wish I had that one person in life I could do anything with. I want that best friend but I feel like I’m at the age where everybody already has one and I’m just here. I’m too weird to be normal and fit in but I’m too normal to be weird. I don’t have anywhere I belong —I float. I wish I had someone that was my ride or die, someone that I could do anything with. I just want to exist without being alone. Out of the billions of people on the planet, I just want to find one person for me.

I’m so tired of being this way I’m getting better but I don’t want to everything has been so crappy lately when it was supposed to be my year I’m so depressed but hey atleast I’m high functioning, my dad doesn’t understand shit about my mental health and thinks he does nothing wrong when he screams at me to go to school. Overall makimg everything worse I’m so tired of my body weight changing over and over 120-150 in a few days it’s exhausting I’ve gone through so much shit that I think I’m just numb to it by now my body has suffered so much and I just wanna put it to rest. Self harm eating disorder chronic depression horrid anxiety I’m so done with it all. I used to be happy at my house feel safe there when my dad and mom treated me like a normal person and not someone who spent time in the hospital because she couldn’t keep her shit together it’s so infuriating how my dad thinks I can’t grow out of my old habits which I have and proved to him I have but no he thinks im ignorant :c

I'm thousands of miles away from my wife and kids and I feel like I've failed them. I came to the USA to make more money but all I've done is waste time and money so far. I can't provide for them, I resent my wife for not working and getting to do whatever she feels like, and every day I'm away from them I think more and more about divorce. I'm just so tired. Working crazy hours and feeling like I'm shit at that too. I go home in a month and don't want to see my wife again.

maybe its because of this secret social media life im hiding from my parents, which is making me feel very guilty about myself and everything i do and also slowly stripping away my youthfulness and innocence of life even though i know i wont be able to hold onto it forever. but id rather keep it with me for as long as i can before i actually grow up to be an adult with adult problems and such. it’s one of the only things keeping me from peace. although i may hate it, i cant stand the thought of cutting it out of my life either, its the only way i can actually socialize and talk with my closest friends. i have no idea what to do and its killing me. i’m so childish and pathetic.