All Rants

ok so this week is exam week and it is like state issued stuff and basically my proctor is so freaking annoying. this morning like as the exam was starting i was on the NYT games cause i was bored asf and no good games are unblocked and like i had done this before with other teachers and no one cared. the test hadnt started yet and he pointed at me from across the room and said "you need to get where you are supposed to be" like sir what did i do to offend you so badly that you are yelling at me from across the room at 8 in the morning. but whatever i took the stupid test and then after i was done i asked to go to the bathroom and its my time of the month so i passed by my backpack to get a pad and as i was stopping he said "no no no no you need to just go" so then i was like "i need to grab smth" and he said "do it quieter next time and just go" like i get that this might not seem that bad but hes getting on my nerves. also his voice is annoying. whatever gnite whoever is reading this

it hurts to remember everyone who will just think i ghosted them oh wait they'll forget me like everyone else i am nothing but a person online i give no warmth i give no ideas i drag them through my problems then shut down i make jokes about serious things i am horrible i am terrible i want to do it tonight i might do it tonight but im scared of the pain im scared they will hate me i care about my reputation so much i dont know why mom dad i know you wont see this but im sorry im sorry i cant live up your expectations im a waste of space i know

comforting doesnt work. it will never work. i have tried everything i have tried all coping i cant stop it doesnt work i am merely a bug the world will keep spinning if i died but i want to feel special yet i know i am not im just another person begging for attention thank you for listening to this short waste of time i hope you have a great day

What's something that happened today that made you question everything? Well. I found out my ex (we dated for 19 months) of one week got with their best friend, and I’ve been tormenting myself over all of it. Reading their notes and stuff. Crying. It hurts, it does. But I know it’ll get better. You’ll get better. Every tunnel has it’s light, even if it’s pitch black right now.

I'm genuinely so tired of my friends excluded me they had a very important GC where they talked about updates to their lives and then when I was upset that they hadn't included me and now I had been left out of a bunch of shit because of it apparently I was just supposed to know and I'm not allowed to be upset about being excluded

I got a warning today at work, its a job i just got. Its my fault I was essentially slacking off. I now have anxiety that ill lose my job. I probably wont lose my job but i just get that feeling that i will. I think its just not a good look really.

I feel like I just got stabbed 52 times at the same time and on the same day

Ketchup definitely belongs on pizza, right? All my classmates said it didn't and even my teacher! Show me support guys!

I AM SO SCARED. Trump is going to fucking ruin my life! I don’t want to move to a whole other country and leave my friends or home, I don’t want to fucking move because ima woman and so that means apparently I belong in the kitchen with a short skirt with my mouth shut, I. HATE. TRUMP. He’s literally a repeat of Hitler, and starting ww3. He’s a fucking idiot. And idiotic moron with dementia.

Does our relationship mean more to me and am I just convenience to them, I do all the cleaning all the cooking all the shopping that isn't delivered and he seems to be trying to get out of more and more bills each month and im left picking up the slack

Well I’m feeling like I’m getting bad again. I’ve started more ways of sh, such as plucking healthy hairs, pinching, scratching, picking until I bleed, cutting not until I bleed though, etc. And I genuinely don’t think I am anyone’s first or even second choice besides my mom’s sometimes I stress so hard about my future; academics and social life, so much that I want to take my own life but I’m too scared of the pain and I don’t want to hurt my dogs or mom like that. :/

i have feelings for my friend. i confessed to her a few months ago and she rejected me. we remained close friends after, and i was trying to get over her but couldn't really. this past month it felt like things might be finally changing between us. she texted me like a week ago asking me to come to her because she was feeling really anxious. i thought maybe she might be catching feelings for me too... she just posted an instagram story with what i assume to be her new boyfriend. i feel terrible right now. i hate myself for thinking we could be more than friends. i hate myself for getting angry at her. she already told me once that she only sees me as a friend. i should have listened to her and given us some space after that. it feels like everything i do i do to self-sabotage. i'm just so fucking done.

Hey so me and my now ex was together for only a month and about 2 weeks in “WHICH HE SHOULD ATILL BE IM HIS HONEYMOON FAZE) he switched up completely like dry avoiding calling everything so I tried talking to him many many time trnna find out what was wrong the this girl added me and he text me right after saying “don’t add the girl she’s trying to cause trouble she’s going to try use my past against me” and I believed it and I promised and then another week goes by and it just gets worse so I add the girl bc my gut was going off and she said the day after I said yes to him asking me out he text her saying he wanted to do sexual things to her while she was drunk and they also made out and I was shocked so I confronted him straight up and he said “ how dare you break a promise I told you not to add her fuck you were done” like how is this my fault and before I can say anything he blocked me on everything he even blocked my best friend and I just feel so betrayed and hurt and angry

i honestly feel so shit. most of the time, i feel like i dont even deserve to feel shit bc there are ppl who r going thru so much worse, for example, my bsfs dad died. and my other friend is in foster care. and my cousins dad is a dipshit. i honestly feel physically and mentally drained. i hate school. i hate home. i hate arabic school. i hate myself. im ugly. im skinny fat. im a liar. im annoying. i OD. i do sh. life is so ass rn.

so i had a terrible shift today. honestly sucked. not too big of a deal but i didnt enjoy it. so basically i walked in a 6:00am after waking up feeling so good and happy. I realised i was the only one waiting today so that was so fun. i also had to let people in and be the hostess. it's a monday night in april. super busy. so i was waiting tables all night and was obvs the only hostess and only 4 waiters so i had to do both pretty much simultaniously. i literally was basically dripping in sweat and then a table of fucking 10 decided to come in at 2pm. 2PM. i basically almost swore before realising where i was. they were like 'uh...10 people.' where the FUCK do uou want to sit? on the stoves? be my fucking guest. so then...THEN. there was a table of two that came, super nice whatever. then thiswoman ordered a vegetarian chicken salad, so i brought it out after like 20 minutes and then i give it to her and she goes 'i ordered a vegan salad...' GIRL WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GASLIGHTING ME!!!!

I found out I was going to graduate earlier than I was supposed to and when I told my mom she wasn't happy for me but it was a big deal because my entire life growing up I thought I was never going to graduate because I have learning disabilities and social anxiety so I couldn't be in big classrooms

I feel so frocking guilty for something I did in like January. My friend was being downright mean to me for ages, she told me I didn't have a personality, ignored me, and hinted to me that others hated me. I tried to vent to my other friends, but they either agreed with her or didn't care. I ANONYMOUSLY posted on a reddit forum, about the situation, different times as it progressed, asking different questions and trying to feel heard by someone. These posts DIDNT HAVE NAMES, AGES OR SCHOOLS, at all. No one irl knew my account. Anyway, about a month after, I told my BFF about these posts, she thought they were funny (considering they got like 4 comments max) and we laughed it off. She told them, she told a friend, who created a secret gc behind my back with screenshots and added someone who wasn't involved who I had had a shaky past with. One friend was fuming. They kept playing nice. And when I finally found out. I apologised. None OF THEM APOLOGISED for the gc or OG comments,

I hate and like this friend at the same time sometimes. But mostly hate her. She’s my good friend and I only have 2 good friends from college. I am not jealous of her no way cause I look way better than her but even then she’s the one who seems to get more attention from everyone even the people who don’t know us and are meeting for the first time. They’d greet her but choose not to greet me. Wow. I hate her. And she’s so full of herself. She always talks about her own life and things revolving around her. Eventually I stopped sharing my life events with her cause she’d always find a way to mock or humiliate me. And the funny part is I don’t do the same cause I am a supportive person but then she finds a way to mock me again for not mocking her the way she does to me. I feel like I should cut her off but then she briefly acts like she’s the bestest friend I’ve ever had. I hate that she looks so average and still gets more attention than me.

My psychiatrist canceled my zoom appointment without telling me so I sat for 15 minutes in a virtual waiting room until I called his office and found out. I have to stop taking a medication immediately due to awful side effects and now I have no replacement or guidance until he can see me in 2 weeks. I am also pregnant and very emotional due to that as well. I am absolutely livid and frustrated and upset.

I wanna jerk off since I can't fall asleep