All Rants

There's this whole situation with someone I really like. She's my crush, but she's straight, and I've liked her for a long time. I told her how I felt before, and she was actually really kind about it, but I still have feelings for her. I've been trying to just act like a normal friend, but lately I've been overthinking everything and worrying that I've somehow made her uncomfortable or stressed her out. I care about her so much that sometimes I end up blaming myself for things I probably can't control. And then there's everything else going on in my head on top of that. Sometimes I feel like dying, and I've struggled with hurting myself before. I don't want to go into details, but recently I got scared I might hurt myself again. I moved away from anything I could use, and I'm okay right now, but I'm still scared of where my thoughts can go.

my self confidence has been boosted I got scouted for a modeling thing yayyy

not to join the cacophony of, "damn, i wanna kms," on here, but... damn. sigh. im just not really sure what to do anymore. over the past year, i've gotten wombo combo'd by contamination/cleanliness OCD and worsening chronic fatigue (when i was already disabled) so going out for even a day takes all of my energy and then some, knocking me out for a day or two after, and then aggravates my depression instead of making me feel any bit better, but the only way to "get better" is going to be by going out and trying to do all the hard things until something clicks. it's just... it feels useless right now. it doesn't feel like im getting anywhere and i feel like i spend more time not doing anything than i do making progress, and even if i do make progress, what if im still this fucking sick at the end of it? ... i feel like im stuck here. alone. with nobody able to help me. treatment resistant and broke, unable to work. no real passions or motivations. it feels like im already dead.

I used to think horribly about hook up culture and now, I think it is great, probably because my ex traumatised me so much, and somehow found someone else who also got traumatised by their ex. Meaning we are basically trauma bonding while fucking each other.

how to open a pomegranate it wasn't always messy. you just needed to be careful. to follow the white lines, to open it slowly, to know that beneath the skin were hundreds of little pieces holding themselves together. but you were impatient. you tore through the skin and watched the red spill across your hands. you called it messy. you never noticed how carefully everything had been held together before you touched it. some pomegranates bruise long before they split open. and somehow, you still blamed the red for staining your hands. when really, it was only everything that had been hidden beneath the surface. you could have been gentle. you could have taken your time. but by the time you learned how to open it without breaking it, there was nothing left but seeds on the table and red on your hands.

Uhhh 17-1516 TCX ?? I’m not sure

I’ll get them pierced for you if you like it that way 🫶

It’s shaved with smooth tiny hairs popping up :////

A friend betrayed me and lost my trust no girl code whatsoever yet I miss them I’m confused idk what to do they aren’t good for me but I still miss them idk what to do I wish I was strong

Yes. You can put whipped cream or Nutella however you like ^^

How to forget being violated by someone you were supposed to trust? It was during intimacy with my ex partner, they did not stop when i told them it hurt...only after I raised my voice to say stop twice, and pushed them off of me.

So, what do you want to eat: Boobs or Ass?

I bet he’s posting himself in his stories for her

Here´s the thing, I have never felt emotionally sane, to be fair i have not gotten diagnosed either. But I do suspect I have been depressed before, now I have just adapted that soulless attitude, like most adults in life have, by not really giving a shit about anything. Sincerely do not care if I suddenly die, though I would only be concerned for my family. I dont think I have any significant impact on them emotionally anyway, they dont believe in depression, after all they didnt do shit when i was deep in it. What do you mean by what my biggest dreams are? The first and Last time I reached for a god, was to wish for the end to my life. Truly sounding like contradictions, but that is how it is, it is as if my brain, heart, soul are three different people, it is disgusting to deal with as well as tiring. Not to mention, I broke up with my ex recently and I have just been doing fuck all to forget the horrible things I have let pass. I am so disappointed in myself.

I love my bf but he’s hurt me and idk how to forgive them it’s been a year or 2 since he’s done anything but I feel like I can’t let it go and I’m so tired of it all feeling like I wasn’t enough I wish I was strong enough to let go honestly

I hit styro by accident for the first time two weeks ago, and it’s been healing pretty well since I freaked out and took care of it every day since. But now that it’s fading, the validation from having reached that is too…

I turned 20 today. I shouldn’t have made it to 18, let alone 20, and I’ve been kinda going through the motions. I don’t know what I’m doing, what I want to do, or if I even can on the chance that I do figure it out. I’m severely anxious and incapable of speaking up or doing little more than the bare minimum, so trying to get a job is a nightmare. I wish my family understood this instead of just labeling me lazy or immature, because even getting out of bed is hard. I studied art and in this day and age it’s frankly impossible to find a position that isn’t AI related. Everyone wants experience but nobody wants to hire. I want to create and live in something real, artistically and personally, but I also want to continue living day by day doing nothing. Everything is exhausting

how the hell am i performative? sue me for getting excited for seeing my favourite flowers. they werent in flipping season were they? so ofc im excited. im not fcking performative. i hate you. i really do. ruined one friendship. ruined another relationship. what is wrong with you? IM. NOT. FCKING. PERFORMATIVE.

why am I the only one sharing pictures of my body while I haven’t seen your face for so long 😔

I wish he video called me on zoom :(