All Rants

I miss her today. It’s been a few years since I have felt this way.

Final exams are up (I have one literally tmrw that could impact my semester grade badly) and I know I need to study, but everything feels useless, worthless. I don’t feel motivated when I’m alone. It’s like the second I’m out of anyone’s view or space, anything other than apathy disappears. I want to feel; I feel hapoy other times, hell I just told my mom I’m the happiest I’ve been and I MEANT it. Why can’t it just stay consistent? I want to have good grades I do, but putting in the work for it just isn’t clicking. I’m going into art anyways, why do academics matter?! Why should I care about calculus, except I do and the problem is I’m a good enough student I still get B’s so theres no consequences and I keep sliding by. Honestly even with consequences I don’t think it would change anything. I just want to feel, I want my passion back, I want to succeed in school but everything feels useless.

My mother’s personality changed because of a stroke and now she’s like an entitled teenager instead of the caring and capable woman who raised me. The worst part is that to her, nothing has changed. She doesn’t see how she’s alienating people with her behavior. She basically got John Fetterman’d and it fucking sucks

I have an entire imaginary life in my head and imaginary people in it too. I love it so much there and i wish i could never leave because this world is so depressing and boring

I'm so alone in this life. I just want to live like a normal teenager. It's been like this for years I'm on way too many damn meds ( WHAT DO THEY EVEN DO?!?!). Questioning everything

I’m so in love with my ex boy bestfriend and I genuinely don’t know what to do. I’ve never had a boyfriend and recently we started to have more of friendship, if you can even call it that, (talking sexually/intimately over the phone) but the BIG problem is is that he has a gf. We aren’t really close but bc we started playing tennis together we started to get close. I want to leave the guy alone but I don’t know what it is inside of me that’s making me go back with him and repeat all these things to each other. We also use to like each other when we little. Idk I hate myself for it and I feel so guilty and I’m praying to God that he’ll take away this devilish temptation.

Killing myself by the end of summer. Nothing's going right anymore and I feel like if I don't die soon, my only fate will be being homeless in an awful city and selling my body to live. Nobody would miss me anyway, except for maybe one person who would eventually move on like everyone eventually does.

Maybe in a couple weeks or months or years I’ll look back and think “damn, not you crying over a man who catfished you, lied, and took your money”. Right now I’m just pissed, and hurt. You were a friend I confided in. How are you going to say “fuck whoever made you feel that way” then turn around and make me feel that way. I felt confident enough to leave my abuser. You said you would be there to help whenever I was ready. You built me up and the tore me back down. I hate that I still like you so much. I hate that I still look for your messages. And I hate that whatever confidence I had in myself because of you is back down to nothing, because of you. I don’t even blame you.

I feel like the only reason I don't kill myself is because i know that if I kill myself, my online friends and real friends would never know until it was too late I'm so curious to know what they would ever say... Would they spam my messages then eventually stop? Would they ask a mutual friend that knows me irl and would that friend have to break the news? "Why isn't ___ answering?" "They're dead." It's so strange to want to die, because I really don't think I do. Yet, a part of me wants to cease to be, it's large but hidden within me, somewhere. It's large to a point that I can't control it when it pokes, but I can't name it. Is it a feeling of disturbance? Or is it the hatred towards my own flesh? The same flesh I live in but want to escape? I think I ask questions too much.

For context,I’m a 15 year old girl in high school (9th grade). This all started when my BFF moved schools in the 8th grade so I was basically forced to hang and get back close to the girls I was friends with back in elementary. And it was going really good until 9th grade. First off, I have really bad second hand embarrassment I genuinely don’t know what it is. I’ve always been too embarrassed to do anything and cringe REALLY BADLY when someone does something to embarrass themselves or myself. And I thought everyone was like that especially since society forced us into a comfort zone yk? Anyways my friends are all loud people and I grew up not being that way and so did my friend that moved. In the hallways they would sing and yell to the top of their lungs, they’d always chat when the teacher is talking and when called out for their loud behavior they go on and complain. Its super immature to me so it makes me feel embarrassed. And they make racist jokes towards me (I’m a black woman)

i hate my life. no one cares abt me anymore. its what i do and what i dont. if i do something "wow im so proud of you!" if i try and fail i have to work more and more and more. life is miserable and it sucks. im tired of this. i'm tired of crying all the time alone where no one can hear me bc if they do i'll be called a wimp or "man up, be a real man" or "ur a boy you should act more like one" all that matters is my achievements. im tired.

I miss my brother. We were so tight when we were little. I wish we could go back to not having to care about ourselves. I remember when he started slipping away. He would force me to wrestle him every day. He was diagnosed with bipolar the next year. He’s going through a particularly rough patch right now. I just miss him so much we are so apart now. I wore his sweatshirt the other day and I could barely function. I miss him so bad I wish it was like before. I’m not sure if the only reason we were so close was because he just wanted to be nice to me because of how horrible my sister was to us. I miss him.

My boyfriend of almost 5 years is going to leave me in a month (basically a scheduled separation) because of a dream he had multiple times telling him to leave me, and that I will be ok without him all that. He said he will take my car so he can sleep in it but he will be buying me my dream car which is a wrx. I wish I was joking life seems so unreal right now

Im so stressed I can't even do this anymore I'm crying like a little kid again into my baby blanket I'm tired I'm so tired nobody believes me for anything and I'm sick of it

I can’t take my mind off my crush who rejected me a year ago, I just visited his acc after a year of not doing so and now I feel guilty and I regret searching his acc bcs I saw how he still misses his ex. Maybe I just need new friends to talk to.

it feels like every day had passed by the same. I've always hated myself and there isn't a moment i haven't. I've always seemed to care for people and be a compassionate being but that feels like a plastic tree. There isn't a grudge for others but myself because I can only see my own image, the back of the stage, the scenes behind the act. Those who have seen the footage leaked through reality have been vocal about it and I can't deny the truth. I'm stuck with this fucking image and the mirrors around that remind me of who I actually am. And because I'm used to hating myself I've grown to believe in nothing, I've grown to be nothing, I've grown to know that I'm a lie, that alone already made me run down my system, I've already grown to feel nothing. Then I'm here right now typing this in bed. As the days pass I can't look at the mirror without frowning, followed by the stare before entering the bathroom only to feel if I'll ever get out alive or ... Some other fate.

Roommates!!! Such disrespectful roommates! They’re disgusting and have been for MONTHS. I moved out of my old dorm because my ex roommate was filthy and didn’t know how to clean up after herself. So I moved in with two of my friends who I knew weren’t the cleanest, but you’d think living in a real home you’d have space to exist right? WRONG. My roommate’s overtook every single room in the house, the living room, piled full of their stuff, kitchen table covered in their things, kitchen itself a mess, both sides of the sink piled high with dishes, to the point they resorted to using my things. I asked them to clean and they literally said “I used to be a dishwasher so I did my time cleaning dishes.” So I report their mess to the RA including damage their cat has done that I’m not paying for, and they have the audacity to give me th silent treatment and literally say “we were doing you a service by letting you live with us. It’s not our job to accommodate for you because you’re clean.”

I cannot do this anymore. I have nobody to talk too, but I hope it will end here. I wish I could tell my friends and family I love them, and I hope they don’t blame themselves. All I can hope is that someone sees this, and maybe, reaches out to someone they love. Stay safe. Maybe next time, things won’t be so bad.

I used the R word to my very special friend, I used his unique habits, and unusual liking against him, to formulate a conclusion that he could be a potential rpst , we've been talking for almost 3 months, he had past trust traumas and abandonment, I learned something, and was scared to the probability that he might be someone leading to that ledge, ( he hides his story, calls women Btchs and even know the black market that sells Rpst Content, he like real life documentary ) I had scrapped an uncomfortable topic and indiviual autonomy and I inhumanely degraded his own authory to live his own ways that is for his desires and inspiration, I did said it without considering the thought, he still hasn't blocked me, but I am nailed with great regret that wants me to correct things, but I'm afraid I might just make it all about me and own short comings, I want to hit the situation before it's already time-out, but how could I? now that trust and confidence are at stake or risk between us.

I hate you god why me? I am trying hard but it seems I am still left behind, failing in life. I am really exhausted, why am I left alone. Sometimes I feel like ending everything.