All Rants

I'm so lonely. My mindset is horrible and it drips out of my body and everyone can tell how ugly I am inside. I'm not trusting, and I always feel like everyone hates me, but I'm too self-aware to seek reassurance, so it just simmers inside me until I get overwhelmed and ghost people. It's all cyclical and it's all my fault. I hate how people never ask after me or take an interest in me, but I know I'm not very interesting. I feel like I'm speaking a different language than everyone else, and people only understand half of what I say. I always say too little or too much. I'm frantic because I feel like I'm wasting my 20s. I feel behind compared to everyone else. I feel smarter than everyone else, but at the same time, I feel so jealous. I know I'm not smarter. I want to coexist with everyone, but I don't know how to be likeable even though I try so hard. I wish people understood my intentions. I wish I could change, but I feel burdened by circumstance. I'm putting off writing a final.

Soon to be thirty, which is far from old of course, but I have no sense of direction in life and that bothers me. Mainly because it has left me feeling distant from living, from connecting with others. At the moment I’m working on trying to create the life I want for myself. In school, soon to be (hopefully) moving away to another city to be around others and connect. Giving it two years. Not for everything to fully connect but to have some sense of a foundation. Something to keep me grounded to the world. If not I genuinely don’t know how much more will in me I have beyond this.

I feel trapped by my family they’re everywhere and I cannot run from them. I am expect to always be around my cousins and unfortunately they’re the only friend I have. I’ve worked at my family business for years and I am struggling to find a job outside of it. The few times I go out with someone new, I have to stress over my family and if I miss a call they beguin screaming through my phone. It’s so isolating, I’m 20, I desperately what to leave but I feel as though I don’t even know how to communicate anymore, it’s been so long since I had a friend that didn’t share my last name.

I hate being so emotionally sensitive and grasping onto anything I possibly can in a person, even when I know I cant have them. I want him so badly but im leaving him in this next chapter of my life. Why do I have to leave him? Why cant I have him? I know why, but it still hurts so much. I hate that I want him so much. I hate that I cry when I think about the fact I have to leave him soon. I hate all of it. I love him so much even though I know I shouldnt. The yearning I have is absolutely insane. Fuck.

Bro I lit just can’t like I’m so done with ts like the universe physically will not allow me to be with someone who I actually want and let me keep them

Its not getting better at all, its just like an empty void getting filled with nothing but regrets and sadness. Theres so many things I wish I could say to him but I didn't have the time and I didn't even respond to his message. it was a simply answer I could've had but I brushed it off, now the last thing I have from him is a "Hey bud, when ya coming down to Florida to see us all? Been thinking about you a lot". This truly shows me a new world of regret and sadness how a little message can change a lifetime, or your last words to someone could be the final.

..and u see the most shittiest ppl with the most great other half (guy or girl) and u think wtf. Either the other half doesnt know how much of a shit fuck they r with or somehow it JUST WORKS WOW. Never understood how ppl seem to fake their whole fucken lives such a fucken scam hopefully they will feel real fucken dead. One of many things I am so fucken glad I never have to fucken fake is my goddamn self with how these fucks that seem to pretend to be someone most of these fucks dont even like their friends, their partner or even themselves why even want to be accepted in a fuck ass fake world.

i’m so anxious bc of the ap world history exam.. and on top of the stress from that one of my family members just got diagnosed with cancer and it has a low survival rate past 5 months. it’s als really similar to the cancer that took my grandma so there’s that. and we started playoffs for softball so i’m stressed about that too and it feels like everything is happening at once. i’m trying really hard not to relapse and sh but i think about it everyday.. i need summer to come quicker so i can be done with all this bs

I feel so mad. I cant help but feel bitter inside about the way I have been treated. Ppl with their fucked double standards being hypocritical pos. The mistreatment and abuse I have felt when shit ppl get princess treatment makes me want to kill ppl. The stank ass loose bitches that seem to always wear pink and get their fucken way all the fucken time makes me want to gouge their eyes out so they gawk at fucken nothing dumb bitch. Whats with the mistreatment to ppl that are so nice it makes good ppl do bad things. Those bitches that ride their looks till they cant anymore fuck I wish I was a fly on the wall most days to see rightly done justice. I hate how some ppl get easy living b/c of what? they treat ppl like garbage and for some fucked reason ppl like that. Fuck I hate society. Whats with shit ppl getting the most out of life? Cant say I have done anything to a person that didnt deserve it but I definitely would to a pos

yall can vent to me if u want to

My partner's sibling is dating my partner's ex

So I'm kind of stuck. Not only can I not focus on what I'm supposed to be doing while I'm typing this up, but more specifically, I'm a hopeless romantic, have finally come to terms with the fact that the guy I've liked and gotten to be slightly better friends with will probably never like me back (I have told him how I felt within the first couple months of liking him, he preferred to remain friends, has had 2 girlfriends from then to now), and so what does my brain that has refused to be able to be fine with myself and patient and not feel alone and constantly liking someone do? Start crushing/thinking back and forth between the past 3 people I've liked b/c they're all really good people, I've started to become less introverted and so have gotten better friends with them, and its like "why am i still stuck on these people they dooonnnnnn't like me baaaAAACK!" and then my brain responds with "yes, but no u"

i used to think something was wrong with me because ive never had a crush before or felt romantic love before or bc ive never enjoyed doing things with friends or felt joy from platonic relationships. i mean i figured out what being aro meant so i know one word but what about the rest??? i didnt feel the need to stay in contact with childhood friends even after attending school with the same two groups of people for the first 17 years of my life. it was like they were nothing to me and i dont know why. they outgrew me and it hurt, and still not for long. why dont i care? even online friends, i uninstalled discord because it was boring. online friends of 7+ years, games, voice calls, everything. i uninstall the app and im lighter for it. why does taking people out of my life make me happy?

Explain to me how the fuck this makes sense! I get pulled over & ticketed for picking up my phone to silence it, but a lady destroying random appliances in the parking lot with a HATCHET gets a dozen cops showing up, no warning or anything, then goes right back to destroying things when they pull off. Makes no fucking sense! This is total bullshit.

i hate passive aggressive people. if you cant say what u wanna say, then shut the fuck up. if u feel so strongly about something, speak up. but if u dont have the spine to do that, then either say that or be quiet. nobody needs constant negativity from an ant that cant even decipher their own feelings enough to express them. get some fucking help for gods sake.

I’ve always been a perfect child in my parents eyes but I’m so tired. I’m so so tired. I’ve only gone out with my friends twice, I’m almost an adult in a few months. And I can’t even go out on my own. I feel like I’m always being watched even at school. I don’t ask for much, but even emtionally they’re so blunt they’re realists, I don’t have an opinion unless it’s my fathers and if it isn’t I have to shut up.i get good grades, i do all they ask. It’s to the point even my grandparents are concerned and they want me to stop going to their house entirely. I’m so weak. I try to resolve issues respectfully like an adult and it’s all no, no,no. I just Don’t see a point anymore. If I can’t grow up why should I progress? I just want someone to be proud of me, but no one likes me. I’m too weird I’m too different. Everyone at my school is so racist and horrible that I’m scared to talk to anyone. I don’t want the world to be spoon fed to me I just want to be appreciated and loved

fuck everything fuck everyone, I don't care, the people around the world are just so pathetic, and selfish I do not care, they think of themselves as the elitist, but let me tell you I am no where a stupid person, I know to fight back, its just that I am just way to considerate not causing unnecessary harm. Fuck everyone, I do not care I do not care, fuck them fuck you fuck everyone, I am the best no one can take my this confidence away from me. I am the best.

I just realized if someone is dating a transgender woman, they are technically dating the equivalent of a Panther-Body style Ford Sedan. Think about it, the Crown Victoria and it's similar models used a truck style body frame and then had a sedan form on top.

Nissan is f@cking dogwater, bum-ass company with too many financial issues and too many f#cking recalls for their stupid cars. Motherf@ckers spent too much money circlejerking each other with money just to now have to lease their old headquarters. Nissan's like the Kevin Durant of the Big three Japanese automakers. Constantly snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. F@ckers had the Silvia, 300SX, and GTR, now they're dogwater. Their SUV division is the only semi-redeeming quality with the old Hardbody 720, X-Terra, Frontier and Titan. At least with Mitsubishi they have the decency to give up, Nissan is like some middle-aged dimwit who couldn't handle the misery of their life and is trying to make up for it.

i get lustful thoughts about femboys and i dont want to, everywhere i go at any time i imagine scenarios. I hate people but i dont want to, i feel so alone