All Rants

What's something about your mental health that you wish people understood better? My white friends didn’t believe I was autistic bc I act differently from them. And explaining that my family basically didn’t allow me to show symptoms and it was “beaten out of me” meaning that I just got good at masking to avoid abuse and scrutiny from my folks. I think people forget that socialization and community have a massive part in how some symptoms show up in MI. Not everyone w the same problems show symptoms the same and it can be dependent on how they are raised & treated. I’m overly self reliant but that doesn’t negate my autism, bipolar & bpd just bc I don’t show it the same. Funny enough most poc ND ppl clock me immediately.

I don’t want to be here anymore

I think my besties are lazy! I live with my two best friends as roommates. When it comes to their jobs, they go above and beyond. They do great too! But lafter moving in with them post college I realized they are absolute slops. We all work, they work 9-5s while I pull evening in my field post grad. I will clean all day while they are at work and then come home after my shift only to find it trashed. The only time they actually do chores is when I tell/ask them. Even then it’s a struggle. It’s been like this for years and now they’re kinda pissed at me for refusing to renew the lease again and moving in with my s/o. I’m just happy to never have to clean moldly dishes or cat sh!t off the walls ever again. I hope they change but if they don’t I hope the mold doesn’t get them

I’m tired of being the emotional punching bag for everyone around me. My friends use mental health to excuse how they treat me, I’m mentally ill also and have physical health problems. My family pretends all the horrible things that happened to me growing up are either my fault or an overreaction (including recorded abuse). My friends know this and while they support me and dislike my family I’ve been realizing they do the same stuff but it’s “different” to them. I feel like the cycle is continuing and my friends are also refusing to see why I’m upset. Im close to cutting them off but I love them and being friends for over a decade is making it harder. My boyfriend who is the only person who doesn’t treat me like this says I should probably put distance between us but knows why I don’t. I’m scared though, I feel like the same who child cried myself to sleep every night and having my feelings minimized about it. I hate it

my friendships are falling apart and its because nobody wants to deal with a mentally ill fucked up teenager like me

I'm weak. The slightest inconvenience annoys me, and I lie to make myself feel good. I don't have artistic talent, I usually just trace over others' art. I'm not a person who works for a super big company at a a high-ranking position, I just wanted you to make me feel good. Yeah, I'm using you for my own benefits. And, when you don't do something I like, I become miserable. I'm useless, I can't even help you. When you feel down, I say I'm here for you, and then disappear. I can control it, but I convince myself not to. I'm weak.

A guy I’ve been dealing with a year and 8months just up and left me for another female without no question now I’m going through the worst heartbreak of my life and don’t even know how to handle it I don’t even want to love or trust again or give my heart away I feel so broken all I keep doing is crying

i dont want to get better. i probably have bpd, depression and social anxiety and ive been struggling with the symptoms since i was 6. i dont care though, ive been miserable my whole life and im comfortable with it. i want to hurt forever, i want the scars to last. if i recover then i lose my entire sense of being. my sickness is the only thing that makes me special. im not happy with it but ive found a community with people who are anti recovery too even if they dont know me. i get it and i want to keep hurting with them too. lets have matching scars together

I am so fcking tired of everything happening in my life right now.

You can take all my stuff I don't mind after all I'll be gone pretty soon so at least you'll have a memory of me isn't that nice huh. I think it's sweet

I like the thought of dying painlessly. I should try finding a way.

Why am I a maso? Do I count as a pervert if I want everyone to hit me and take it all out on me. If he didn't like me then couldn't you have at least loved me.

Today was supposed to be my graduation. If only Papa had supported me through college. If only he never abandoned me. If only he chose us instead of his new family. If only Papa knew how exhausted I am, his little girl. I was supposed to graduate as a Med Tech today, and if only Papa knew how disappointed I feel.

I'm such a shitty person. What an unlovable bitch I've become

you cant do jack shit in this school, app stores are disabloed, extensions are disabled, the phones are disabled, the autism resource center took away my damn phone. if you see this and youre the person who banned the things i listed, fuck youy fuck youy fuck you fuck yo

My girlfriend has been invading my boundaries for a long time now and saying very weird things through text messages, for example she said she wanted to touch me multiple times, kept on asking me when we would kiss even though I said I didn’t want to.

after failing back to back, I might just get kicked out. I honestly have no idea what I'm gonna do if that happens. I know I'm smart, but I feel like I can't catch up or not committed enough to catch up with the work load. Plus, the fact that I don't seem friendly either, I feel like it pushes people away. I don't think I have a good impression there atp. Seems so...hopeless. I don't wanna do this anymore. But if I don't keep going, I'll rot aimlessly. because in this country, regardless if you got a degree or not, its still hard to find a job. idfk what to do at all plus, i joined this course, thinking I like it. but atp, idk if i really do like it, or just the concept of it.

Seriously WHY is it that I can't be who I am? I don't wanna eat "as a family", I want to eat at my own time. I don't want them controlling my religiousness and wardrobe. And for heavens sake I ABSOLUTELY HAAATE SPORTS but I was forced to sign up for 3 of them. Like, do you really have to treat me as your clone, dear parents? Stop telling me about reconciling with God. I doubt His existence and its so depressing. I sleep more nowadays too because I want to be in stasis and I can only eat ice cream without feeling like I'm just shoving burnt carcass into my mouth. I know my mental health is slowly going down the drain and honestly? When you use fiction to cope, you get called a phone addict. For trying to survive your depression. WTF. I am so sick of family but I can't move out. I don't wanna return to school. Give me a clean slate where I can be me.

im so tired of pretending everything is okay at school. behind a girl who smiles and laughs everyday is someone who comes home so mentally exhausted. its not easy to talk about my feelings because i feel so guilty to put my troubles on others. im so tired

Writing goodbye letters are so hard. I can’t even write one without getting my paper wet.