im never anyones first, second, or third choice. even my bff is with someone over me but thats fine cause its understandable. am i lonely? i just wanna be someones bff... but i feel so unwanted and awkward i wanna disappear eternally. its like im feeling two completely opposite shit at the same time. 1. im over my old shit friendship but the aspects of it still haunt me?? 2. idc being alone but i dont wanna be left out 3. i wanna be close with everyone but im so tired and exhausted from having to try so hard every damn time 4. worried they dislike me but i cant just assume and even im aware okay if they shit talk thehre just not good people but woah wtf 5. pls just once just once in my life i want to feel safe and truly comfortable just once i want to trust a friendship without ever having doubts i want my presence wanted i want to stop trying so hard i just want to cry and yell but i cant cause i always vent im a loser