I am in a slump. I can't make myself be disciplined. I can't even imagine myself being disciplined. I have been struggling with loss of memory, attention deficiency and low self-esteem. I have been trying understand and get past it by trying to write about it, watch videos, articles, read books but end up not solving it and getting stuck and frustrated. So, I end up playing games or doomscrolling social media.

i didnt get into leadership. but my friend did. im not jealous but it feels so wrong. she barely put any effort into her essay while i worked so hard to finish it and make it amazing. it’s all because she has connections with the leadership teacher. im really bummed out bcz i thought this would be a good opportunity to show that i have what it takes to be a leader. and yes my friend is amazing and she’s a natural leader but it kinda hurts you know. to lose an opportunity you tried so hard for to another person who didn’t really try. and it hurts sm because they said i have good qualities that could make me a good leader but it was just a mass email…so what if i super close to getting in but the slots were taken….or what if i was just rejected because my essay and application wasnt even close to standards….or what if it was good but my teacher recommendations tanked it….or what if they thought it was ai because i can use dashes properly….so many things in my control that i couldve fixed

being in the health field is so fucking crazy. You literally cannot make anyone happy. tbh i don't get how people sustain full time in this field. i wish sometimes that I could go back to high school or earlier when shit wasn't as hard and it wasn't all on you. I look at kids and i'm like wait until you get to adulthood when shit becomes 10x as harer. i think being over 18 is so so so much harder than being a kid.