I am in a slump. I can't make myself be disciplined. I can't even imagine myself being disciplined. I have been struggling with loss of memory, attention deficiency and low self-esteem. I have been trying understand and get past it by trying to write about it, watch videos, articles, read books but end up not solving it and getting stuck and frustrated. So, I end up playing games or doomscrolling social media.

being in the health field is so fucking crazy. You literally cannot make anyone happy. tbh i don't get how people sustain full time in this field. i wish sometimes that I could go back to high school or earlier when shit wasn't as hard and it wasn't all on you. I look at kids and i'm like wait until you get to adulthood when shit becomes 10x as harer. i think being over 18 is so so so much harder than being a kid.

I have been feeling so burnout from school that I want to kms, i cant handle high school anymore, i hate every second of it, i thought it was going to be great during the first quarter but it went to shit quickly, my grades dropping, losing my focus even though im on meds for my adhd, and I lost all motivation for even subjects I usually love. I hate my whole life now, but im too scared to tell my family because they have said it was a phase before when I had mental breakdowns and I havent told them that I have attempted before....I dont to be lazy anymore, and i want to be happy, but even with my friends it feels so suffocating, I cant handle basic bad news anymore. I hate myself so much. I have become so bitchy and mean and I hate it. How does anyone even love or care for me when I push everyone away, and I cry everytime I talk about something even remotely upsetting. I HATE MYSELF AND I AM SUCH A GODDAM LAZY IDIOT. honsetly i might just do it....kms idk im so done.