All Rants

I'm actually fucked up. There's no justification for it:D

I feel lonely, and saddened by how my loneliness

"Some of y'all are so dramatic, it's just a simple fix!"

Gonna start with a bit of backstory. I've gone pretty much my entire life as the weird trouble making kid that never seems to get anything done. I was always getting called into meetings and was forced to see councilors. It always seemed like I understood everything else better than myself. Now fast forward a few years, I'm in highschool and my parents finally tell me I've had autism my entire life. I've gone years thinking I was just a loser and a weirdo, you'd think it would be normal or relieving to have a reason but it just made me self conscious, every moment of my life made sense and I hated it. I always saw myself as a normal person, what reason would I have not to? So now every time I struggle with it, it feels awful. I feel guilty being so depressed all the time, I've seen people lose their parents and be more composed than I am. I know it's the autism but I just can't bring myself to blame it. Why my parents hid this from me, I wish I could understand. I hate being autistic.

so basically i was in a relationship for 5 months right that was my firs ever serious relationship, he looked like the type that would cheat an he kept talking to his exes and making it seem like its not a big deal, i loved, cherished, respected him as well then a new girl came to school right and he befriended her but then i didnt think his moties would be to actually kiss and be busy with the girl whilst im not there but then ye i found out about it because everyone would tell me they see her and my boyfriend now ex together , so i did something crazy i went to his house and banged on the door right and screamt his name no one was home so then i wrote it big "your days are numbered" Lerzy love jess in his yard he got back and saw it and called me and started shouting a hung up and went to his house to talk about it then he came with a screw driver and i came with an okapi since i wanted to warn him about his nonsense now we broke up and i havent cried but im hurt he cheated on me

I collapsed amongst the fallen bushes, face melted with a mouth full of worms. The sun tasted of acid.

I abused my parents for years. Sometimes, I feel you just should just keel over. There's nothing saving you, the only things that keep you alive are plastic and have deteriorated. I live in a rotten world with a heart full of hate and anger directed toward anyone who has ever fell for the corporate lie that we should cater to the sick and the mentally ill, those wetodds, when in actuality no one ever does anything and the sick and rotten carousel keeps moving without our inference, without our false compassion and claims to be above the material. Our piousness and our pity. I try to find beauty, god, some sort of eternity in the garden of waste, in the filthiest pits and heights of despair, just to come back barren and empty handed. I'm told to love; I can't love. I long for compassion while the world tears itself apart without an opening. I'm nauseated. I abused my parents for years; beat on them, degraded them, was a worm feeding on their splayed and rotten corpses.

I know I'm a spoiled, ungrateful, entitled piece of obnoxious, plastic trash, that's why I hate my parents. It's so funny isn't it? Everything is so embarrassing.

I quit a project I was working on with my buddy and I got upset when he didn’t respond to me in a day. When I texted him I said I wasn’t gonna keep talking to him if he kept ignoring me. It was wrong of me to assume but this wasn’t the first time he did that. Causing me to say that due to it being a repeated issue. He then told me that I am in no power to ask for what made the other people uncomfortable and they didn’t want to tell me. Which is fair but he never communicated that boundary. He just left me on read. I spoke with him about a break in real life so he said he isn’t responding to that. Except the reason why that needed his attention is because IT ISNT A BREAK. I’m leaving the project entirely. He said he was sorry for leaving me on read but if I get this mad over this I should stop being his friend and should consider cutting of a few of my friends that are dry. I apologize for anything that hurt him and now he wants space away from me. I just don’t know what to do here.

Part 3 so he wants at least 200 well you figure figured its 70 for gas even though we only used maybe half that 100 for his time/driving i already put 20 in his gas tank I bought him lunch and his family dinner and by the end of it im just sitting there like he didn't do this as a favor or to be helpful he saw someone desperate and got as much as he could out of it I try to have faith in people and pay it forward when I can even if I can't do much and to be used like that and its not the first time especially in the last 8 months I just... what's the the point if this is the way people act when your in desperate need of help....they squeeze everything they can out of you then act like you should thank them for it. I try my best to help people when I can but this is what I get when I need help

How do scammers sleep peacefully at night knowing they caused so much trauma to people they blackmailed. So many sleepless nights and being unable to eat anything. Do they really go through with their blackmails? I doubt it, but it still eats away at you

Dude I am really exhausted. I was helping my buddy with my project and he told me that I wasn’t fired but was going to go a step down in my role. He said I was making the other workers uncomfortable and when I asked for what I did so I could try to grow he only said something I already apologized to those I hurt before and I don’t know. He then said I wasn’t doing my job enough. Even though I’m the person who set up all of his systems and found them. Where they are all under my name. They’re basic bots but he frequently relies on them. Then I helped him write part of the stuff for the project. Not to mention I’ve never missed a issue even if I was late. I never would ignore it. I told him eventually I quit. He didn’t respond for a day. I texted him saying that if he keeps ignoring me I wasn’t gonna speak to him. I regret threatening my friendship like that now. He then told me how my message was running his mood and a lot of others I can’t fit in right now.

Part 2 lol so I think its only going to be an 1 or 2hr and I'm desperate so I say 20 an hour for his time is fine he picks me up we leave and he becomes insistant that we get my car and tow it to my place which adds at least 3 hours just driving he doesnt want to use his tow rope he wants to rent a tow dolly because that's safer I guess idk so I say fine. I'm grateful that he is helping me so im naively trusting thinking its really hard for people right now that's why he's charging me 20 an hour for his time plus gas. Well to get the car home do shopping and all of that it take like 4 to 5 hours and we start discussing money. he is absolutely offended when I offer him less than 200. You figure he worked gas out that it was 70 dollars worth of gas since supposedly when towing his truck goes from 20 miles a gallon to like 5 even though gas needle barely moved after we picked up my car and 20 an hour for even 5 hours is only 100 not to mention I already put 20 in his tank

I dont understand how the world has come to this to the point where I feel like I have to pay for human kindness.....I moved cross country about 8 months ago its been a shitshow the whole time basically cars breaking down ( being stranded because of that ) , my sil running away with my 2 nephews, money issues etc. My fuel pump went out 3 weeks ago I got stranded in a fast food parking lot for 3 days and 2 nights thankfully a family friend was able to take me home eventually anyway we got in contact with a "mechanic" he said he could help us get car home and help us fix it and if we needed a ride into town for anything . I thought super awesome finally caught a break well ended up had to do some shopping so asked him if he could take us he said yes of course we would pay for gas well about 10 min later he texts back saying he charges 20 dollars an hour for his time I'm desperate so say fine thinking only an hour or 2.

I have a christian "friend" who lied about me to someone on why he was abandoning me for his fucking christian buddies. Im not going into details but i just cant do this shit anymore. Wants to be a fucking christian but acts like a judas backstabber for fucks sake. Sorry if i offended anyone i dont hate christians but this is bullshit im so sick of people.

Upset with my younger sister about mother's day. My sister went out with her boyfriend and when he dropped her off at the house, she brought up plans to go hangout with his family because his grandma who lives out of state was in town. So her boyfriend wanted my sister to go to church with them and go out to eat afterwards. Which would've been fine if tomorrow wasn't mother's day. I could tell that it hurt my mom's feelings when my sister brought it up saying that she wanted to go over there. And it made me upset too. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to upset my mom even more, but I really came close to going off on my sister. Especially because my sister was really trying to fight my mom on the issue, which probably made my mom feel even worse. Even though my sister wouldn't be gone the whole day, I don't think it's fair for her to just ditch my mom for her boyfriend's family on mother's day. Idk am I wrong to feel this way?

I don’t know I have mainly a hard time with my family we don’t have much money and my parents don’t have jobs and my dad trying his hardest to get one again but also they do drugs bad ones to but somehow they keep it maintained it’s not bad but sometimes it can get bad. My mom is a stay at home mom but she doesn’t really clean the house much so then I have to clean it after get home from school after a long day so it just makes me irritated and not really respect my mom which I don’t if I should be in the right for because now my bad attitude as been a problem for my mom but mind you we just came from something really deep back in 2023 we got evicted and everything thrown out to the pooring rain for a month I think we lived in a hotel but my grandma came to come get me and my brother to stay with her for the next 2 months then my parents stay in the hotel and the drugs got worse and they didn’t have enough money for hotels so they started to live in the car

The new Nosferatu movie is actually pretty good.

I’m still sort of in love with a not so attractive woman. I know once I get used to, her looks will start to bother me. Better bail now….

Oh I pray for the flying shard to cut through the wind and pierce the mind of the traitor turned jester. May death deliver a message of freedom and may we all remember the error of our ways forever.