All Rants

How I feel eh? Well for starters my relative thought it was ok to treat me like complete garbage while my other fam was gone right? Then completely act totally different (to them meaning all sweet and crap) once they got back. But them if something affects somebody else they'll act like it doesn't matter. But only if it affects them they'll act like they're dying. Like when they knew I literally told them I was abused. They blocked my number and dms. But have audacity to put online "any body who had problems you should shower them with love". Me? They showered with shit fake ass 1 sided heartless bitch. How I feel you ask? I feel like fucking smacking the shit out of them for acting that way to me. This wasn't the only time they treated me like garbage either. So excuse me if I want vindicated.

Like wtf it's mother's day and all. I was thoughtful enough to get her a card (the house has been full of drama and stress because somebody else threw a mean cussy drunk), and she effing bites my head off JUST FOR TOUCHING THE EFFING THERMOSTAT. WTF GOOD GOSH GIVE ME A BREAK. so tired being attacked verbally emotionally or otherwise on a daily basis. Happy fucking mother's day :(

I'm so tired of being yelled at and criticized in my own house every day. Gaslit and told that everything I do is wrong. Sometimes I wish I hadn't gone through life-saving surgery so that I didn't have to deal with this every goddamn day.

I've been dating this person for months, I'm not at all unsure about my feelings towards them. But recently I become more aware of a close friend of them, and how they are as a person and such. Since this I haven't been able to stop thinking about this friend of them, they're constantly on my mind. But the thing is I'm unsure why this is, I haven't interacted with this friend I only know what I know from my partner, we're quite similar in our interests and such. In other words I am completely unsure about my feelings for this friend of my partner.

Im doing cheer next year.. yay? im only doing it so people stop calling me fat and weird I just want to fit in why do people make it so hard?

What is this f*c***' life is this. There is this loneliness inside me that i cannot figure what really is this. Is it because of someone that i've learn to love? She know long ago that i like her but i think i was taken advantage of my feelings about her. Im too good enough to follow and do her requests and also even if we don't regularly talk, my mind still thinking of her. It pisses me off really.

Happy mother's day to no one cause I can't consider you my mom just a stranger that I love but hate

I'm so unlovable. Why did I turn out like this even though I'm only turning 13? Why do I know things I shouldn't and why do I accept failure so easily and move on so fast. Why am I mature for my age. I wanna feel like a kid but I don't wanna because that would make everything I did just to convince you not to leave useless. Don't leave me. Don't say I'm a pain in the ass. Don't hit me. Don't lock me in my room. Don't say I'm not doing enough. Don't make my hardships seem small. Don't make me think I don't need to have love expressed towards me already cause I'm mature. Please don't leave me. I love you but I hate everything you do to means yet I've experienced it for so long that now everytime I actually feel pain it feels bittersweet and nice that I want bad things to happen to me now. It's your fault I ache to die or be injured just to get the pity of people and it makes me look disgusting but satisfying.

Is there someone out here like me still dont know whats their purpose at the age of late 20s and your parents keep on pressuring you not only through words but i can feel it through their actions. I dont know why but my life lately is so rough that even smiling is too expensive for me.

I can't be loved and yet I yearn for someone to love me at least in some way

I have to choose between my friends, and they’re all awful. Three of my friends have fallen out, and they’re all asking me to pick sides—whichever one I side with, they give me the cold shoulder. I feel adrift and in the sharp pain of loneliness. I hope it passes.

When people around me ask why am I not in relationship, I reply with something along the lines that I am happy being single, Single life is best. But deep down I know, it is a defensive mechanism. I am just lying at some level. I do want a partner that understands me, just heard me out, is there for me. I do want someone to share the happy moments of my life, i want to be there for someone. Have someone to come back home to. But the thought itself is so drawing when I look at my current life responsibilities. I am bound to help my family, take over the position of bread winner but that also means I have to say no to a lot of wants, compromise and sacrifice. The thought of asking someone to adjust to it feelings wrong and who would in this day and age. The older I get the more I understand, not everyone can afford to be in a relationship and I am not talking just about money, but mental capacity as well. And the rejections that I have faced do ensure I think twice before trying again

And it's mother's day. My mom despises me probably, I don't blame her :D

I'm actually fucked up. There's no justification for it:D

I feel lonely, and saddened by how my loneliness

"Some of y'all are so dramatic, it's just a simple fix!"

Gonna start with a bit of backstory. I've gone pretty much my entire life as the weird trouble making kid that never seems to get anything done. I was always getting called into meetings and was forced to see councilors. It always seemed like I understood everything else better than myself. Now fast forward a few years, I'm in highschool and my parents finally tell me I've had autism my entire life. I've gone years thinking I was just a loser and a weirdo, you'd think it would be normal or relieving to have a reason but it just made me self conscious, every moment of my life made sense and I hated it. I always saw myself as a normal person, what reason would I have not to? So now every time I struggle with it, it feels awful. I feel guilty being so depressed all the time, I've seen people lose their parents and be more composed than I am. I know it's the autism but I just can't bring myself to blame it. Why my parents hid this from me, I wish I could understand. I hate being autistic.

so basically i was in a relationship for 5 months right that was my firs ever serious relationship, he looked like the type that would cheat an he kept talking to his exes and making it seem like its not a big deal, i loved, cherished, respected him as well then a new girl came to school right and he befriended her but then i didnt think his moties would be to actually kiss and be busy with the girl whilst im not there but then ye i found out about it because everyone would tell me they see her and my boyfriend now ex together , so i did something crazy i went to his house and banged on the door right and screamt his name no one was home so then i wrote it big "your days are numbered" Lerzy love jess in his yard he got back and saw it and called me and started shouting a hung up and went to his house to talk about it then he came with a screw driver and i came with an okapi since i wanted to warn him about his nonsense now we broke up and i havent cried but im hurt he cheated on me

I collapsed amongst the fallen bushes, face melted with a mouth full of worms. The sun tasted of acid.

I abused my parents for years. Sometimes, I feel you just should just keel over. There's nothing saving you, the only things that keep you alive are plastic and have deteriorated. I live in a rotten world with a heart full of hate and anger directed toward anyone who has ever fell for the corporate lie that we should cater to the sick and the mentally ill, those wetodds, when in actuality no one ever does anything and the sick and rotten carousel keeps moving without our inference, without our false compassion and claims to be above the material. Our piousness and our pity. I try to find beauty, god, some sort of eternity in the garden of waste, in the filthiest pits and heights of despair, just to come back barren and empty handed. I'm told to love; I can't love. I long for compassion while the world tears itself apart without an opening. I'm nauseated. I abused my parents for years; beat on them, degraded them, was a worm feeding on their splayed and rotten corpses.