All Rants

I’m just lost and confused I got addicted to these anonymous apps and they broke my brain and now I’m going to have to be a “normal person” around my friends again

fuck my life. I'm only 13, why does all this shit happen to me.

Ik im a overreacting don’t you want me to overreact over text and not irl I don’t want to say something hurtful to your face I want to understand

I don’t want to explain my order of crushes but if I have to I will to delude the confusion ig but that also makes people feel bad so idk this is hard

I've grown up getting taught that my feelings don't matter, and that I'm always "over reacting" so I've learnt to just keep all my feelings in and not tell anyone. I've been struggling alone for many years and anytime I muster up courage to ask for help, they always think I'm joking. I hate the way people see me as the friend who is always ok. I hate the way I was brought up. I hate that I've built this image that I am never hurting when that's just not true. most of all I hate myself

There’s one girl I like and it’s still the fucking same 😭 she doesn’t even know who I am

I am an attention seeker I am seeking out attention I want someone anyone’s attention I want to be free

It’s anonymous and I just want to know who Im talking to/was talking to that’s why I swing so dramatically if I was talking to a face this whole time I wouldn’t react like this idk who im talking to

I’ve never lied about my family there’s crazy lore there, I’m trying to think about what I lied about what did I do tell me

I’m tired. I’m really tired of your oscillatory behaviour. It’s draining me. I can’t tell if it’s your split personality or your adhd. I show an ounce of affection and you fold, swindling back to that one. It’s like you’re waiting for my attention to check if we good or not. What a horrible human you are. It’s exhausting. I don’t even want you buzz off

I’m not trying to manipulate or gaslight I’m trying to understand I can’t rationalize or apply logic to this I just know how I would act if I was in your shoes and I have no context so I can’t be in your shoes I’m just assuming I don’t know

Is it because I’m open about who I’m attracted to and who I’m not their are so many people who never thought I was attractive, certainly won’t think that now after I embarrassed myself anonymously the entire summer

Is it because I’m depressed when I shouldn’t be and there are people who are depressed with actual reason to be depressed why does that matter can’t I be depressed for depresseds sake

Was it because I showed my abs my abs look like shit don’t even have a six pack. Is it because I make fun of some people behind their backs I would never expect them to hear what I say. It’s usually people I don’t really associate with anyways that I make fun of

I wish I knew what I did that impacted and hurt some of you I would want to apologize but idk how that’s impacting you. I would rather settle it over text than in person. Why do you want me to confront you at school

I feel as though my presence holds no weight. When people invite me out and I decline and they make a big deal out of it I can’t help but wonder why. I don’t think my presence would have made a difference. I truly believe I don’t mean anything to anyone. When outside, I feel like I’m taking up space, I assume I am a nuisance to every stranger around me. Logically, I probably do mean something to a few I’m close with, I just wish I could see that beyond just convincing myself.

You wouldn’t have to hang out with me all the time although I would always want to hang out with you

I have money it comes from my parents. We have wealth. I can provide financially. I’ll get a job next summer. Idk about the license. I’m sorry for whatever I did or said and however that impacted your feelings you know I didn’t mean to

I miss you a lot but I know you love to hang with other girls just for fun and attraction but you dont know how it feels from my end . I am tired of everthing in my life . Financially , Emotionally , Mentally and Physically. My thoughts are winning . I dont trust anyone . None at all .I miss coming to work and just seeing you . You are my happy place and I trust you . I know you get happy to see me too and you tell me If I am okay or not . I am struggling alot . I want someone to be my side and understand me rather than just judge me . I actually want to go somewhere and get lost. I want to get lost forever .I want to be a heartless person . I want to learn to let go the desire to be permanent in anyone life or in a person. I miss you a lot T . ALOT .

I am honestly bottling this up this world is so expensive and I’m just a stay at home mom with no income and my husband bares all this responsibility and I’ve been tempted to start a go fund me to help pay off student loan among other debts because I can’t do anything else and I feel like it’s all my fault and I don’t want him to think he isn’t enough I just want to help. I’m desperate to help my husband and take the load off him