All Rants

i hate how my anger gets to me, it’s so tiring, i’ve tried every single method to try and atleast minimize the effect but with no success. it’s killing me, especially when i take it out on my siblings, they don’t have angry or abusive parents, yet they have an angry older sister that they have to deal w her bullshit every day, hearing her yell and lash out on everyone whenever the slightest mistake happens, id loterally do anything for it to stop i hate myself for it and i dont even know where i got it from, both my parents are chill af, it’s so confusing and frustrating

I really just hate how little I matter or how little others care about me. Have you ever felt that way? Trying to be the best you can be, but no matter how hard you try no one ever notices or appreciates it? I worked hard to get the achievements I've gotten, yet I always find someone better than me or happier than me. I try to feel important to my friends and my family, putting in my best and my attention and I get nothing in return. Sure, I don't expect anything in return, but I deserve a little appreciation or gratitude. Not only is my school life just hell, but my friends make it harder. I try to plan something fun and then all hell breaks loose and I get my hopes up and end up canceling the plans. I do something special for their birthday and they won't even do the same for mine. I feel second best compared to all my friends. Why can't I feel important for once? Why can't I feel smart or pretty or appreciated? I wish I could just be good enough.

Fucking hate my stypid body. I hate how ugly and unattractive my body looks. It doesn't even match me. I'm so fucking fat and ugly and i was born of a wrong fucking sex. I hate absolutely fucking everyone, all of my classmates suck ass, they're all veey lucky to be this normal and happy and not suffer on the daily from being fucked up in the head. I should've been born with a different body, different personality, in different country, in a different family... Everything is wrong with me and my stupid, pathetic, miserable life. I sometimes regret not sticking through with killing myself. Even though i tend to think I've gotten better, my mental health hasn't significantly imporved. It's really just pure suffering. I have no good irl friends, 1 singular online friend, but i still feel like they don't care much about me or that if i act too much like myself they will hate me or leave or feel uncomfortable for some reason i don't know. I hate everything so much, i wish it could be better

no one likes me. i swear. my one friends is completely fake, i mean like she talks to me about some one thengoes to them and is completely fine. every other one of my friends just bullies me. i try so hard to been see a s human but i'm just a joke. i'm so scared that they talk about me like everyone else. i hate it so so so much. i want to have a friend that i'm not fucking afraid of.i want to be a human too, they don't see me like that. i'm not supposed to be on the same levels as them, and that does so so much to me. i can't stand it, i want friends but i want people who treat others like humans at the are minimum

I wanna jump from the highest building on my town, or to fill the bathtub and cut my wrists in it. I am alone, I have nobody, I’m going to do it. There’s no room for light in my life, I am trapped in a deep and dark cesspool. I’ve touched rock bottom and I am ready to die.

I hate socializing and public speaking!! My friends and family and classmates say "its not that hard to speak infront of people" yes it is!! Its super hard to talk to people! Even if I have known them for years!! I have severe anxiety and I hate it! I've been taking depression medicine which kind of helped but I still cant do presentations and order my own food at a restaurant ughhh....

okay so its been a month since he said "yeah" when i asked him if he didnt wanna talk on the bus anymore. in this entire month, my biggest fear is that i porbably did not cross his mind like at all. His eyes are so cold whne i look at him, and i dont even think he cares about how much he affected me, and how much i would cry sobbing in the bathroom in the hallways in the room all alone, i coundlt sleep eat do anything, i had no motivation i was a shell of what I used to be. It pains me so much, thinking that I was nothing for him, and he left me in such a harsh way I was so unprepared for that. i just want closure, i want closure for that. I wan thim to scream in my face that he hates me so i can move on. but i still love him. I desrve that much at least. I want a proper goodbye. there is SO MUCH UNSAID between us. bryfewiodwijeoo. i feel like a loser venting this out, but omg that hurt so much. hell know this is him when I ask this. hey, hows shadow doing?? Is she good? Troll Emoji

Everything I do is cliche, everyone who tries to help me feels like a copy. I hope AI kills all the artists and we wipe eachother off the face of the planet. I don't want to be gullible enough to stay here.

my brother died almost exactly a month ago and i just had a dream where he was still alive. the dream was weird because we were still preparing his funeral stuff but he was still alive. also he mentioned our sister’s birthday and the age she would be turning which isn’t her actual age but it wasn’t like a memory like everything was still the same as it was when he died. so thats just kind of weird. i also feel like i haven’t like mourned him enough and that i’m just like completely over his death. i don’t cry about it and i pretty much went back to my normal life. i just feel like an asshole not grieving or being sad that MY OWN BROTHER died. but then again i feel like if i do cry or get sad about it it’s almost performative and not genuine. ik everyone grieves differently but i just can’t help but feel like i’ve moved on. i will be honest and say i miss him being around and that everything feels weird and i freak out whenever i think about how he’s gone forever

"im literally sobbing and there are so much tears running down my eyes and m yhands are trembling while typing this. I don't even know why I'm crying. I feel so fucked up I can't even sleep. I'm so tired. I'm so full. full of everything that's draining me. my dysphoria has increasingly gotten worse day by day and. it's even worse because I'm closeted. I feel like I just want to give up . everyday I always hope "I hope my eyelids stay shut this morning. I hope I don't feel my heart beating this morning. I hope I don't feel anything this morning. I hope I disappear this morning."I just want another life where I could be the version of who I hope and wish to be. I want to be a boy. I just want to vanish but it doesn't work. I can't find any possible way of disappearing without bloody tissues. I don't even know what to do anymore and i'm still crying. I can't talk to any trusted adult or anyone at all except this website because I'm not ready. this is my only hope.

How I feel eh? Well for starters my relative thought it was ok to treat me like complete garbage while my other fam was gone right? Then completely act totally different (to them meaning all sweet and crap) once they got back. But them if something affects somebody else they'll act like it doesn't matter. But only if it affects them they'll act like they're dying. Like when they knew I literally told them I was abused. They blocked my number and dms. But have audacity to put online "any body who had problems you should shower them with love". Me? They showered with shit fake ass 1 sided heartless bitch. How I feel you ask? I feel like fucking smacking the shit out of them for acting that way to me. This wasn't the only time they treated me like garbage either. So excuse me if I want vindicated.

Like wtf it's mother's day and all. I was thoughtful enough to get her a card (the house has been full of drama and stress because somebody else threw a mean cussy drunk), and she effing bites my head off JUST FOR TOUCHING THE EFFING THERMOSTAT. WTF GOOD GOSH GIVE ME A BREAK. so tired being attacked verbally emotionally or otherwise on a daily basis. Happy fucking mother's day :(

I'm so tired of being yelled at and criticized in my own house every day. Gaslit and told that everything I do is wrong. Sometimes I wish I hadn't gone through life-saving surgery so that I didn't have to deal with this every goddamn day.

I've been dating this person for months, I'm not at all unsure about my feelings towards them. But recently I become more aware of a close friend of them, and how they are as a person and such. Since this I haven't been able to stop thinking about this friend of them, they're constantly on my mind. But the thing is I'm unsure why this is, I haven't interacted with this friend I only know what I know from my partner, we're quite similar in our interests and such. In other words I am completely unsure about my feelings for this friend of my partner.

Im doing cheer next year.. yay? im only doing it so people stop calling me fat and weird I just want to fit in why do people make it so hard?

What is this f*c***' life is this. There is this loneliness inside me that i cannot figure what really is this. Is it because of someone that i've learn to love? She know long ago that i like her but i think i was taken advantage of my feelings about her. Im too good enough to follow and do her requests and also even if we don't regularly talk, my mind still thinking of her. It pisses me off really.

Happy mother's day to no one cause I can't consider you my mom just a stranger that I love but hate

I'm so unlovable. Why did I turn out like this even though I'm only turning 13? Why do I know things I shouldn't and why do I accept failure so easily and move on so fast. Why am I mature for my age. I wanna feel like a kid but I don't wanna because that would make everything I did just to convince you not to leave useless. Don't leave me. Don't say I'm a pain in the ass. Don't hit me. Don't lock me in my room. Don't say I'm not doing enough. Don't make my hardships seem small. Don't make me think I don't need to have love expressed towards me already cause I'm mature. Please don't leave me. I love you but I hate everything you do to means yet I've experienced it for so long that now everytime I actually feel pain it feels bittersweet and nice that I want bad things to happen to me now. It's your fault I ache to die or be injured just to get the pity of people and it makes me look disgusting but satisfying.

Is there someone out here like me still dont know whats their purpose at the age of late 20s and your parents keep on pressuring you not only through words but i can feel it through their actions. I dont know why but my life lately is so rough that even smiling is too expensive for me.

I can't be loved and yet I yearn for someone to love me at least in some way