All Rants

It's hard being the eldest one. It's hard being the eldest one in a barely surviving household. It's hard cause my mother leans on me, my father leans on me, my sibling leans on me. That leaves me to nothing, I need to handle all their baggage while my own is in chaos. I need to stay strong cause if I broke down, chaos it is. It's hard, it's draining, it's frustrating. Even if I want to have someone I can lean to, I'm afraid I will only be passing my burdens to them. I don't want to be a burden. Trust issues, commitment issues, manipulative, liar, etc. you can brand me like that, but know that I can't help it if ever since I was a child, I'm slowly lifting this family up. Fuck, I don't usually say it but fuck it. Fuck this life. I just wanna be successful so fast so I can somehow breath. I want to escape but I can't now. Yahhh it's hard to stay composed when all the things I've been keeping shut is slowly showing.

So yahhh, it's too heavy and I just wanna let it all out that's why I'm here. I'm currently looking for a company for my internship, I found a great one after all the efforts I've put in. However, as much as I want to have my internship there, my family is nowhere near to afford my expenses even if it's just outside our province, like one jeep and tricycle travel only. I know my parents can't afford to give me atleast 250 pesos everyday. The possible transport expenses is 150 and since it's away from home, I need pocket money for lunch which is 100 pesos only. I feel like just thinking about wanting my internship to be outside of my hometown is too much, like I'm really asking for too much. I've been in my hometown since nursery until now, College student. I have somehow a strict parents so I'm able to away from my hometown not too often. I really wanna explore but yahhh, it's too much to ask knowing my status.

I really want to know what I did wrong....I was already feeling crappy after getting off of work at 10:30 and not being able to find my mom a gift for mothers day so my dad got upset with me, we did get some cards and flowers for her, I also made her my own card so I didn't go to bed until 1 am. I had some crazy dreams like those dreams where you think your up in real life but your not, yeah those. And so my dad ended up waking me up at 1 pm, I got up and washed my face and brushed my teeth, and then I see them, my mom, dad, and two younger brothers (which it's also one the my brothers birthday aswell) and they get oin the car and leave, they always leave me, I thought they would wait for me to come out like they usually would or loop around and pick me up...but they didn't so I sat looking all dressed up...alone...for 5 hours as they were out of town...I really thought they would come back for me...I was stupid...I texted and they never answered. They came back like everything was ok.

This might be really really cringey and quirky. But I feel out of it these days. I don't feel fully present but I don't think I am fully dissociating or anything, I just don't feel like I am here. I am trying my hardest to have a consistent routine to keep myself busy because I keep getting restless and when I get restless I start to check out. I don't have any motivation for any of my interests rn, I don't want to do anything that's "too much work" like playing games or drawing BUT I NEED to do something. I feel overstimulated and under-stimulated at the same time. Everything peeves me, everything makes me overthink, and everything makes me feel bored. I want SOMETHING to happen.

Guys. SOME TEENS/KIDS ARE ON THIS APP... I hope all the humans who hurt them and everybody else learn about this app. and what things happen to people

"he only acts out cause he has trauma" well because of him I am scared to let people sit next to me. "he only threatens you cause he likes you!" HE TOLD ME TO DIE AND RUN INTO A ROAD... "But he's F A M I L Y " we may be family by blood but that boy is a MONSTER

this might sound insensitive but i think i am autistic. I go nonverbal a ton, I have never just been like "other kids", I get frustrated easily.. my parents say its because I'm unique in my own way but wont let me at least see if I am actually autistic or maybe even have ADHD? I'm so stupid rn im sorry that you all had to read this

I'm 21, almost 22, and I hate how I look. Really skinny body that arms that look like it's about to snap with big chubby cheeks. I can't wear anything tight without me looking like I have a mismatched body and head. I want to change it by trying to see if other people has been successful with cutting out sugar or salt. Every comment I see is just "You'll be happy that you look young!" I keep looking like I'm a kid playing dress-up with mommy's clothes. I get body positivity and all, but if I don't like something, then I don't like something. And I get to be able to not like something. Because me, still looking like 3 kids in a trench coat when I dress formal, is the truth and positive affirmation isn't going to make that go away. I already get enough from my mom by her saying that I "don't look mature enough." Saying I look young will not help me. And if it's something that I can change without it affecting my body in a major way, THEN LET ME DO IT.

Sometimes I don't even feel like I'm alive. I feel like I'm see through, at school, home, even just alone in my room. I don't understand why I feel this way. I don't know how to make friends; I don't even think I want to. That's so weird to me, though. I don't want to make friends or put myself out there, yet I feel so alone. I have my cat at least, but I feel the craving for human affection. It's just when I get it, I suddenly want to be left alone and lie in bed and do nothing because it's so draining to me. I hate the way I am, how I feel alone even when surrounded by people. I don't really know how to put what I feel into words, so I'm trying this out to maybe feel seen or heard for once instead of feeling like I'm completely see-through or made of glass. I know I should probably sleep, but I physically can't. I just space out for hours, and suddenly the sun is coming up. I haven't slept in two days; tonight will be the third day in a row, and it is currently four in the morning.

I’m finally getting my test for hypersomnia and narcolepsy. I’m grateful for it, but it makes me so nervous. If I don’t have it, then there’s no explanation for a 7 year long problem. And then I’d have to see if I cause it myself and it was my fault. But If I do have it, I’m completely alone with it. I know nobody with the disorder. I feel like people can’t truly understand.

What I meant was hyperbole. I just hate being criticized as a weakling when I tried so hard to adapt to some distant and imaginary requirement that no longer appeals to me and made me feel like a replica, a copy. I feel my pity expressed through violence, which could be violence in language. I don't support people who waste their lives on the state in acting out violence physically, violence artistically soothes an absurd itch I'll never be able to reach.

I'm in my 30s have no friends, bf, or a job. I still live with my mother. Uh my life does anyone have any advice on how to rebuild my life?

I tried so hard to fit in with this one community who just constantly made me feel small. People who objected to them were put down, labelled as prideful, no match for the patriarchy and the gymgoers on there with their unsolicited wisdom and hot takes from contemporary office philosophy. The dog eat dogs of the world, infatuated with Sopranos and Euphoria. I was disgusted. Sick. They mocked everything I ever tried to make. I felt like Charlie from Flowers For Algernon against a bunch of ravenous Frank Reilies who happened to have talents. Mean girls with pop psychology and some cult spirituality that never made any sense, even to the mind that understands Wittgenstein and Deleuze, and especially to them. I never want to be judged by those people again. I just want to be smart and artistic without posturing for once.

Hey just found this website and I'm glad to be herew!

I don’t like where I work, and I don’t like anyone I work with. I work in retail, and it’s gotta be one of the worst experiences of my life, besides my not so good childhood. Everyone is ready to stab whoever in the back that they need to. Everyone is miserable. And everyone takes it out on everyone else. I’m so sick of it. I wish I could work from home. I really never wanna see any of these people ever again

My bf's grandma hates me for absolutely no reason, like I have done absolutely nothing to this women. She likes to start fights between my bf and his family over me, she starts the dumbest fights with me, and she likes to talk shit about me/and or my bf to his child. I had to move out once because of a fight and how much stress she was causing me while pregnant but now with my bf changing jobs I need to move back in and I'm already high risk in my pregnancy. I'd be dealing with the pregnancy on top of my bf's son, my son, helping my bf juggle his new schedule, and then dealing with her bs... I feel extremely lost on how to feel or what I can do.

I don’t understand when someone else does xyz it’s okay. But when I do it oh shit it’s a problem. I’m not forgiving you for what you said. You have no idea what he did to me. It was a long time ago sure, that doesn’t matter. I don’t understand why your best friend who talks actual crap about everyone is okay but when I try to share something shitty that happened to me it’s an issue? Nah he really did that. Nah he really said all that but evidently you care more about someone like that. That’s really all I need to know. You’re a shitty person for that. I would never silence another woman and her experience

I really wish I could just move somewhere I’d never have to see another person ever again. I wanna live in the middle of nowhere. Just me myself and I. No one could ever hurt me again.

I really don’t think people see me as a person. I don’t think anyone ever has. I’m just whatever you need whenever you need it. I’m just the girl you wanna get to make yourself feel less alone for a while. I’m the girl you talk to when you’re alone. I’m the girl who shows up when needed. People only want me for what I can do for them I think. No one’s there for me though. Any time I open up it’s like a deer in headlights. So I’ll just keep writing here because no one else cares enough to listen in my life

I can’t stand hypocrites. I can’t stand a kettle calling the pot black. The only reason you feel like you can talk to me the way you do is because you’re older and a man. And a big ass man. Must make you feel real good to put your little sister in her “place.” It’s not the trauma Olympics. You just can’t handle that my trauma involves mom dad AND you. Shit happens, but don’t act like you’re innocent. Or above it. You understanding and then continuing to treat me like this is worse than if you were ignorant. I used to dream of getting your respect, and it’s so funny how now I don’t respect you at all.