All Rants

I just never do anything right anymore. My depression takes such a big impact on me and who I am and how I act. I am rude, I am mean, I am hostile, I am dishonest, and with my full heart, I don't know why. I wanna be good, I want to be a good sister, I want to be a good daughter but I just can't anymore. Its like everyday I just become a worse and worse person. I feel just like my dad. And even with all this you know what I wanna do? cut myself. its ALL THAT'S EVER ON MY FUCKING MIND. even as my world and who ! thought I was is burning down, all I want to do it cut myself, my body is already covered is so many disgusting, jarring scars, I don't know why its been my copping mechanism for so long. I just miss who I was a few months to a year ago. I was so awsome, trying to do my best, putting my all, but not fuck all that ig, I'm a horrible person now yay. I'm gonna go fucking kill myself.

my friend is a bit concerning. she can be so irritating with her delusions; she has this bias from a boy band group called stray kids. I'm completely fine if you have an idol, but this is too far. her bias is felix and she always says how she wants to marry him, says inappropriate jokes about him and is becoming a Korea boo just because he's Korean. mind you, she's under 15, he's like 25. when I talk about it, she's like "so? others have huge age gaps too" it's just so fricking frustrating. like please, you're only a minor. just because another young idol did it doesn't mean you can do it. plus, her inappropriate jokes about felix irritate me. it's like she can't treat a 25-year-old man like an average human. I don't mind if foreigners want to learn Korean, but this girl is trying to learn Korean just because of him. her future job wants to be an idol just because of him, she's going to live just for him, she has a "kid" with him (skzoo), blah, blah.. oh my gosh. SHUT. UP. ALREADY.

today I was just trying to loosen up a bit for being so uptight. my parents noticed and they started scolding at me. they say how much stress they get just because of me (and my brother). here's the thing, yes, I do understand that my parents are going to be very, very stressed because they are taking care of their children. they pay rent, they work hard for money, they pay for food, clothes, shelter, tutors, etc. yes, my parents do a lot for me, and I am actually very grateful for everything they do. I understand and know that my parents are people too. though, since both of my parents have such high standards, it's almost impossible to reach them. my parents point out everything that I do. I need to walk like a model, earn good money, study about a few hours a day from now on, get good grades, take care of your brother, take care of your friends, your responsibilities matter, what more can you ask for? I also stress out too as a student. I'm human too. I'm not a robot.

My girlfriend that I’m in love with is getting professional help after a failed attempt, and I’m terrified of waking up one day and her not being here. She told me she put her phone on silent bc she knew I would be able to talk her out of it. The stress is horrible and idk what to say or how to help

i just want to be somebody's favorite person everybody values romantic relationships over platonic ones but i'm aromantic so i can't feel that and i can't seem to find one singular platonic relationship on the same level of closeness that a romantic relationship would have all of my friends have at least one person they like more than me the majority of my grade either ignores my existence or makes fun of me i feel so lonely all the time

I actually can’t focus. At all. My procrastination is awful. I’m using this vent thingy rn as a form of procrastination too so this isn’t even gonna help. I have a history test tmrw that I haven’t studied for, I have so much research to do for an English assignment due tmrw, and I have my APES test on Friday. It’s so late rn and I spent all afternoon reading (amazing) byler fanfic. I wish I could just get my work done before I have fun and relax. Idk why my brain doesn’t let me.

I hate being depressed and single while trying to also be happy for my friend's finding people. why cant I get that happiness to?

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My mental state has been getting worse to where u can’t trust people anymore and I don’t know who to believe if feels like everyone hates me and are ingoreing me my gf broke up with me a few days ago and now she’s dating my friend I feel like I just can’t keep a relationship with people it sucks she knows how people treat me she vented to me but with everything going on I just don’t feel loved or like I belong I want to Kill myself but I don’t have the courage to I can’t do anything people are making up lies and rumors out me it making me feel sad and they don’t know what’s happening I’ve been stressing I wish I could trust humans again….

Uh so I’ve been dealing with depression and trust issues also a lot has been happening with family like my parents thinking about a divorce it sucks I wanna die but I’ve turned to online friends cause it feels safer and stuff I’ve been pulling myself awake from every one and my gf just broke up with me a few days ago now with my friend.

i try so hard and nobody cares. nobody cares about my grades, or how much effort i put into everything, or how hard i try to be likeable and nice, or how stressed i am, or my eating disorder and how im trying to fix it. i try so hard to be liked and to be confident and everyone hates me. i just cant do this anymore. i want to die. i just want it to stop.

Earlier this week I just found out my best friends hate me- or at least they're talking about me behind my back. I went down a rabbit hole and read their texts and now I just feel worse about myself. I kinda talked to them about it (online) but I'm having trouble trusting them. I feel like nobody likes me. They're really my only friends. And my mom got really mad at me for a small thing on Friday and didn't talk to me/look at me for 2 days. It was a bit better yesterday and this morning, but today I was stressed out about a project and I couldn't find the construction paper because my parents had moved it and I was panicking and my mother started yelling at me saying I don't know how selfish I am. If my own parents don't like me, who will? I've been trying to work on my confidence but I just can't when I keep hearing horrible things about myself from others. I'm struggling with an eating disorder and I just want to give up on that too. If nobody likes me, what is the point of trying?

I have reached a new level of revulsion toward all jerks who drive around in vehicles that they deliberately customize to be as loud and obnoxious as possible. There seems to be an epidemic of these insidious assholes who troll around; especially at night, with the primary goal of making unnecessary noise. They are like a legion of inconsiderate, attention-seeking, man-boy assholes driving around in obnoxious growling, muscle cars, super-sized pickups, Harleys, and then the young turds in the little shit boxes with aftermarket resonators that try and make them sound like something it's not. I am a male who is secure with my masculinity and don't feel I have to prove anything like driving a huge pickup or loud muscle car. Then you have these anuses who have the subwoofer thing going. The walls of my house shake when they go by. The anxiety that this collective noise imposes on me has me concerned that someday I may snap and do some serious damage to one of these vermin.

shooting star reentry won’t go well my already dead eyes are watching the planet hurdle towards me in full force i’ve already accepted it i knew from the start that i was going to burn up as i came down i’m going to be the most beautiful star in the whole damn sky i hope when people look up and wish on my fiery death that it’ll come true i’m smiling and laughing as my body gets hotter and hotter i’m finally glowing

One year, whats that after the five years I worked so hard at. I laugh at the idea that this is the "hard part" fuck I have had so many "hard parts", sounds sexy, but not what I mean. So many hard parts in my life. I feel like I was built for this. So angry I am ready to bite someone. Have u ever had someone sniff you to size u up? I feel like that w/ life. Like when a dog sniffs its prey, sizing it up before it decides how to kill it. Too angry to let it go, too passionate to stop, smart enough to know to keep going..

I feel so angry. I feel so mad at the world mad at the system. I feel so mad at the ppl I let in my life that took what they wanted. I feel I cant rest until I let him know. I wont rest until I get some sort of satisfaction. I still havent read the email partly b/c I dont want the torment of knowing u moved on and are happy. I dont know what it will say but I know I am not done yet. You could say its an obsession you could say I am crazy but what matters to me is that I feel some sort of satisfaction out of it. Maybe thats why I still hold on to this entity b/c I havent found what I wanted yet. Strangling it because if I let any sort of relaxation in my grasp it will slip away. I need to suffocate it until the life drains out of it, wouldnt that be lovely.

ACK!! Success ACK! Prompts are back

What does it mean when a full on gay guy holds a females hand and says “if I were bi curious I’d date you”. Ok so what happened was my friend went a concert with her coworker/friend and he said this to her and she thought it was a compliment so she smiled at him. After he stopped trying to hold hands and was weird with her for a few days. After they fought at work and he’s been a jerk and showing others their private convos to everyone to make them all hate my friend. My friend did try to fix the situation privately but he’s been bringing all the employees and his friends into this now. He even called her a weird a** b*tch that she’s pathetic etc. now it’s been a week they haven’t spoken. She’s upset as she considered him a little brother and he basically back stabbed her. I’m thinking it has to do something with what he said at the concert. What are your thoughts?

I’m too tall I stand out everywhere and I have come to know throughout my life that everyone likes the shorter ones better, they are more cute and I’m just a monster. It’s the only thing people mention about me and not any of my cool achievements, I feel so awkward all the time with other people my age and too intimidating to make any friends. I’m just a loser outcast never meant to fit in with anyone. Also I’m not blonde with blue or green eyes so I’m just a basic person with a monstrous body that nobody in this society will find interesting or attractive but just an outcast to be made fun of and for others to be grateful that they don’t look like me. I also don’t have a fun personality, I’m not athletic, and I’m naturally a quiet kid so that also makes me more of a loser to other people. I feel like I was never meant to be apart of this world because I don’t seem to fit in or be genuinely liked anywhere physically and personally.

I fucking can't deal with one of the friends sometimes because she constantly gets in everyone's love lives. I've had to deal with the fact I temporarily have to break up with my partner until things are better with their parents and she's all like "A little birdy said that your relationship when splat last night", like I'm sorry, but what?? And then she told me that apparently my partner actually broke up with me because they like someone else, which I doubt, but she told someone else before telling me. Like even if it's true, which I don't believe one bit, why didn't she tell me first, instead of telling me midday and our friend before. The worst part is, is that she gets in everyone's love life, not just mine and she isn't even fucking dating anyone and it's not like I tell tell her to stop because she'll be like "Alright, I just wanted to tell you, don't get so angry", like I'm going to be angry because they would tell me the truth if they liked someone else, instead of lying to me