All Rants

I’m so fucking numb and I want it to stop….

I have friends I just struggle to communicate/talk to them a lot. They know I’m a tweaker and a crashout but when I reach out they make me feel included and that’s all I need. It’s hard finding friends you really connect with in my life there are a handful of guys who I would consider best friends and even tho they moved away or went to different schools I still value that platonic connection we created and ik we could go years without seeing each other and just pick up where we left off

I’m so nervous..school is so terrible..no friends, I have a SUPER scary teacher..ugh I hate my life. I’m terrified. I’m so nervous. I can barely breathe in class and I have lost my appetite..my knees are wobbly and my stomach is like a pit EVERYDAY. I’m so scared..and I’m SO stressed..I’m so scared of school . And I have zero friends tbh..and my teacher ms.r is SO SCARY she cold calls every time. She’s so terrifying she makes me so on edge and I struggle to breathe or even talk in class..

I’m sorry for insulting women’s weight/looks and making inappropriate comments towards girls I had crushes on idrk how to act around women especially those I like. I don’t date around I’ve never dated anyone. I’ve changed in some ways but not in others I want to be a person people look at and go that’s a good man who does the right thing. Ik I don’t do the right thing often times I handle things in ways that are bad and I’m sorry for that. Ik I’m often not a good person but I hope they see I try to be

So, I’m going to an anime convention soon. My fuck ass father bought an Airbnb that was way to small, he didn’t ask me, and now I’m crying in my room, wanting to cut myself because I have a test tomorrow for theatre that I didn’t study. I want to kill myself right now and I’m in a minority (trans/non binary, and I’m pansexual, and alt which is a style not a minority but still) and he supports THE FUCKING ROTTING ORANGE! And he embarrassed me by saying they at an open house thing for school. I genuinely need friends or anyone to help me with this cause I’ll feel bad if I tell my partners(were polyamorous so it’s not cheating) because they don’t know that I’m taking autism diagnosis soon. So yeah, also in case anyone wants to be online friends my discord is St4rZy_32 or St4rZy32. My age range is 12-16 as my age is in it. I will make this clear, I don’t care how old you are as long as it’s not freaky or something.

This may sound weird and entitled but I miss the boy my ex younger friend used to be. He was the sweetest boy I’ve ever seen. An adorable smile, was funny, and I loved teasing him and just joking and talking with him. Nowadays he’s quite rude. He’ll talk about girls and insult their looks and weight. He dates around, which I don’t care much too much about, but he also has made inappropriate comments towards girls he has crushes on. Of course, I’m not much older, so I don’t feel entitled to scolding him like I’m his mother or something. Also we haven’t talked in a year. I don’t know if I ever will again. He lives near me, but I don’t feel comfortable around him. He’s changed so much. He’s still the same kid but I just miss how sweet he was.

My dad is a first class jerk. Abusive, hateful creature. He’s been hurting me my whole dammed life. Why couldn’t I have had a nice dad? I never needed perfect parents!!! Just kind and loving ones. I hate him. I’ve never hated anyone as much as I hate him. He stole my childhood, gave me trauma to ruin my adulthood, and is still trying to insert his evil into my already broken heart. Why do people like that get to exist… I hate him.

i js wanna say, the next button isnt broken well it is js refresh the page then it works-f.g

Is it the end of the world yet? Because it feels like the end. Except in slow motion. Why is everything so freaking expensive??? Why are people so crazy and awful? What happened to kindness??

I’m living with my aunt right now and I don’t like it i mean it’s good in some aspects but I’m just not happy I wanna go home it wasn’t really the best but I was free I just wanna graduate already

I struggle with social anxiety disorder to the point that Im so scared of being judged that I can't reach out when I want to talk to someone. right now I'm finding it really difficult to keep going but everyone around me doesn't know anything because I'm too afraid to tell them. inside I know if I do tell them it would be okay but I'm too scared something will go bad. it gets better when I'm at school because of our uniform, it makes everyone look similar but everyone there is horrible, Ive heard the things even my best friends say about each other and it makes me terrified to think about the things they say about me.

What's nine plus ten, twenty one

What’s one thing you can’t get away from?

imagine, i loved you so much yet it never seemed enough. you always complained about the things i should do " better " and i always seemed to find excuses " oh maybe he just had a bad day''. meanwhile you were totally fine, the first few months we talked day and night, i stayed up till 1 pm to talk to you as we have a time difference. we slept at the same time and i felt so safe, so calm so undwrstood and loved for the first time ever. a few weeks past by and you told me that texting me felt like a chore and asked for space, i cried cause i was afriad of change but out of love i always tried understanding you and i got out of my comfort zone. you then suggested a few days break, that few days turned into a few weeks and you broke up with me. i waited 2 weeks for you, tried my best to undewrstand u needed space when all u wanted was me to be gone. save to say i left and now you are here begging me to come back, but you took it for granted.

i miss the way i was before i met you, you absolutely ruined me. i was such a loving caring person and you changed me into an avoidant person, i turned just like you and now you are here in my dms appologixing for a damage you cant fix anymore i gave you tons of chances and you took them for granted i hate the way you made me feel when you broke up with me just because i was too clingy. you ruined me, completely. because of you i had to seek validation from other men because i thought i was unlovable i was used and blackmailed just for ur own sake but god knows who the real problem is my heart will NEVER forgive you for the things you did to me, they still haunt me till this day. i dont wish this upon anyone except for yourseld. i truly always will hate you

I’m not trying to be narcissistic ik I can be pathetic I’m sorry I am who I am I’m just me

I hate my college. It's the worst one and the management is so uncooperative

I saw this poor girl run out of a dr office of one of my fams. She was having a meltdown saying she couldn't work with those people and someone giving information that wasn't right. Said she couldn't work with those people. I guess it was short staffed. who could blame her. I know what it is to work short handed and the place still expect the same amount of work out of you and your group as if the missing people were there or not. Couldn't blame her if she did quit. It's like drama is an epidemic everywhere I go almost it's there it feels like.

Neither my best nor my worst version belongs to a Narcissist like you. You do not deserve any part of who I am.

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE FUCKING TOILET CLOGGING. IT WAS INSTALLED A COUPLE MONTHS AGO, AND CLOGS MOST TIMES I TAKE A SHIT. I'M GETTING GODDAMN TIRED OF IT. FUCKING ASSHOLES DON'T KNOW HOW TO INSTALL A FUCKING TOILET.