All Rants

I'm so so fucking lonely and I've missed out on so much because I'm miserable and lonely and I don't know what to do. I'm missing out on the best years of my life while everyone has friends and I'm so scared that I'm wasting my life. I wish I had friends. I wish I could go back in time and fix everything. I'm so miserable. What if the rest of my life is miserable and I never find friends or fulfillment? I don't know what to do. I hate myself. I've lost so many chances and opportunities. I've wasted so much time. I wish I had people who loved me.

I use to hate my dad so much. He drank all the time and would throw stuff at me and my little sister. I had hated him so much, I had several escape plans, and every night I cried about how much I hated my life. I’m a minor, I can not control what I can do. Trapped with a threat in my own home, I really hated it all. I wanted him gone, and each time I saw him I felt an unbearable disgust, anger and sadness. It’s only been a year since him being abusive, and yeah I still am upset on how he treated me, but he doesn’t throw stuff or drink anymore. He can still be very rude, but I think it’s better now, but that’s left me with confusion. I use to want to escape him so bad, I would try hanging myself even at 7 years old because I felt life was so FRUSTRATING. I really hate those memories, and I know when he treats me this, well it’s just temporary since he use to compliment me just to throw me around. But honestly, I wanna have hope in him, I want to think this can be my dad still.

I vented about my SA on here and how I still talk to the guy who did it to me. He was my friend of several years, and everyday it got worse. First just touches of my waist, then my thighs then more. I couldn’t understand it or why he would do that - he’s my friend. A good person. That’s what I told myself. When I vented on here about my confusion, people blamed me? They said it’s my fault for still being near him, that I’m just encouraging him now. I dislike being touched, I told him. I keep trying to distance myself but he apologizes then I feel bad. We’ve known each other for so long and it’s hard for me to let go of such a close friend. Why am I being told I’m the bad person when I’m crying about a person I trust always grabbing my ass, trying to do more when I keep repeating no - how am I bad?!?

I wish I had someone to rely on...

I never said I was going to kill myself, but yes I’ve had suicidal thoughts before. I said I don’t want to live which is maybe melodramatic I don’t want to live the way I’m living, and sometimes I get tired of the world I live in. I’ve harmed myself once. Is that weird to admit? There are so many people who struggle with this I do too

i wanna be her so bad. I hate my body and my ed is getting worse

I think I'm starting to hate my dad. Like I feel awful saying that because he's probably trying his best but I'm just so frustrated. Okay so he always treats me like a child. Mind you I'm a teenager, so sure you could say "That's normal, you're still a child" but i mean FULL ON BABY VOICE and everything!!!!! its so fucking frustrating. And not just that, no, he also seems to think I can't think for myself. "Do you want _?" "No." "Okay. I will _ anyway." and then I'm like not happy yeah cuz i didnt want that and he's like "Why aren't you happy???" WHY WOULD I BE HAPPY, I SAID NO?!?! Or like another thing, he doesn't know SHIT about me! "Hey don't you like __?" I LIKED TJAT WHEN I WAS SIX YEARS OLD!!!! NOT ANYMORE! Why is he like this??? Why can't he accept I'm not a little kid anymore? Another thing he does, tho I'm not sure it's related, is whenever HE wants something he's like "hey do YOU want _??" or even worse he just says to someone else "[name] wants this" WHEN I DONT!!

I close this door to keep YOU OUT. Leave me alone.

Earlier I posted a rant about my school schedule and how I’m so nervous but I think I’m okay now. Unfortunately I have to change my study hall for studio art so I can get my art credit but I have classes with almost all my friends and the same lunch period!! I’m okay now but damn my bus is coming so damn late that their won’t be any seats left on that wretched bus and then ofc I’m getting dropped off mad late too. sigh sigh sigh it could be worse tho.

Hello, am I talking to real people?

I fucking hate how I cant find any sharp knifes. Why can't I fucking stab myself fuckfuckfucfkucfkfucfkucfkcfu I hate myself nobody really cares on this website nobody cared when the ten year old said they was gonna kill themself. one person even fucking mocked them noticed how after that they NEVER said anything? (before you say anything I like to learn how ppl type) now I may be wrong but everyone on here is rude af there's only a few kind ppl I even vent bout how some1 fucking said to just ao3 for stories (its the reason I stuck using nsfw even tho I don't want to) I like stories from real people from real moments. but ppl don't give a flying fuck yet they prolly on here venting bout something and getting lots of love from the ppl they fucking builled. the website is for FUCKING VENTING if you use it to builled or hook up with ppl, think HARD about the ppl on this website. fuck all the dumbasses and goodnight.

i wish people would walk in my shoes for a day

narcissistic mothers should be euthanized. I don't care what they did for their kids, they are the worst people in society. I would pour arsenic in my narc mom's water if I had any.

My eyes have been opened and some are saying I've been being psycologically manipulated via guilting by the one I loved most. My entire body now aches, especially in my chest, and I can't eat.

Im so unhappy and feel as though life as it is, in this day and age, is not worth living. I wont commit suicide or anything like that, since I dont have the nerve to, nor do I see it as a viable answer, but still. Its so tiring to... live. The worst part is I used to have such lust for life too.

I love you so much. You are my best friend. But I’m so tired of being compared to you, an accessory for you or second best to you when it comes to other people. I understand that people will like you more than me, no matter how hard I try. I don’t need any more reminders.

I’m so fucking numb and I want it to stop….

I have friends I just struggle to communicate/talk to them a lot. They know I’m a tweaker and a crashout but when I reach out they make me feel included and that’s all I need. It’s hard finding friends you really connect with in my life there are a handful of guys who I would consider best friends and even tho they moved away or went to different schools I still value that platonic connection we created and ik we could go years without seeing each other and just pick up where we left off

I’m so nervous..school is so terrible..no friends, I have a SUPER scary teacher..ugh I hate my life. I’m terrified. I’m so nervous. I can barely breathe in class and I have lost my appetite..my knees are wobbly and my stomach is like a pit EVERYDAY. I’m so scared..and I’m SO stressed..I’m so scared of school . And I have zero friends tbh..and my teacher ms.r is SO SCARY she cold calls every time. She’s so terrifying she makes me so on edge and I struggle to breathe or even talk in class..

I’m sorry for insulting women’s weight/looks and making inappropriate comments towards girls I had crushes on idrk how to act around women especially those I like. I don’t date around I’ve never dated anyone. I’ve changed in some ways but not in others I want to be a person people look at and go that’s a good man who does the right thing. Ik I don’t do the right thing often times I handle things in ways that are bad and I’m sorry for that. Ik I’m often not a good person but I hope they see I try to be