All Rants

Maybe you don’t mean to come off like such a bitch, but I swear everything that comes out of your mouth sounds so backhanded. Like and it’s not even out of some insecure shit, it’s just like I will say something very tame or mundane and you gotta come back with something dramatic. You’re just dramatic about everything. This is really fucking mean but girl no everyone is not hitting on you. At this point it’s just embarrassing for you how much you wanna say that shit. You do not need to get a silicone ring for work so people stop hitting on you no you don’t. Most of the time people are just being nice. You read wayyyyyyyy too much into everything to the point I think it’s a mental illness. And there’s nothing wrong with confidence, but with you it comes off as arrogant. And I can’t exactly figure out why. My best theory is you kinda are really sensitive and overcompensate, basically just being delusional. It comes off hella desperate though.

I'm about to get rid of social media period. It's been more toxic than helpful. The comparison like oh look at me haha I'm doing something you're not and you're not invited or allowed to be included you're trash you're a loser etc etc etc. then its oh look at me I'm a fucking angel even though I treat my family like shit and other people in real life (my relative and a neighbor). Oh look at me I'm so cool and you're not you're a fucking loser. Yeah no fuck that. Fake ass fucking people. Comparison is a thief of joy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH just people in my life have been so toxic and hurtful and cruel to me. Idk what to do anymore. Like on social media for example, relative was like "only got room for 2" meaning I couldn't come (which was a lie they just didn't want me to go. But my other fam did and I was stuck at home. Then on social media rubbing it in my they're like "oh we had a good day". Bitch. Yeah I had a good day with out you too. I'm so sick of peoples mistreatment.

You you you it's your fault you're crazy etc etc etc. Is what all I get told for the bullshit I deal with in an abusive dysfunctional household. Sure. I'm the crazy one for being mistreated!!!???? Make that sense to me FML

I know people don’t owe you things just because you do things for them, or bc you have in the past. But friends are supposed to be there for each other. I’ve been there for you so many times without question. I’ve helped you out so many fucking times. I’ve been there for you without you needing to ask. But it’s like pulling teeth to get a response from you. If I ask you how you are you won’t get back to be for what seems like several business days. You say you don’t do anything. You say all you do is nothing. But yet you can’t respond to a text? I understand you suffer with your mental health, but when it was me you were hounding me to go get help. Made me feel bad for not going to therapy and being medicated like you. But now that seems like it just doesn’t apply to you. I still care about you, and understand to an extent. But it’s getting really hard honestly to keep this friendship alive when we can’t even have a conversation to catch up. I wish you the best, but I deserve better.

Next. My family keep turning against me. Mom keeps going off on me because my so called Dad keeps getting drunk going all to hell on us, so she directs her aggressive feelings right back at me so I get attacked multiple ways. I'm about ready to hurt someone and or myself. I can't take this anymore. Fuck their shitty behavior drunks and addiction. Their anniversary was recently. All he had to say was x years ago I fucked up. If it was me I'd have thrown a fucking coffee mug at him. Drunken coward ass bastard son of a bitch. Tbf they are both cowards I have more balls than both of them. Upstairs neighbors tried to get us evicted all because of cigarette.smoke. YET THEY THEMSELVES VAPE ffs. Go figure. And they pretend to be angels on social media as well smh. Fam simply let them walk all over us they just simply puffed up and wouldn't do anything. Starting to wonder why I was even born anymore. I can't take being their dart board and scape goat. Fuck me fml apparently I don't matter atall

I actually can’t do ts anymore 🥹🥹 june 16 💔

First of all. This person I knew for a while. They vented to me used me like a Kleenex basically and discarded me. They'd go " boo hoo hoo my man won't let me do this or that. " Later made suicidal posts on social media for attention, fought tooth n nail with their other family with each other telling them to "get off the meth". Ok me just relaying a message from my fam I get called a keyboard warrior for it in front of all their supposed followers. Fast forward to today they make a post like a growling werewolf saying more or less "blah blah blah nobody cares about a grown ass bitching on social media, in fact they're probably tired of it suck it up"...... THEM THE VERY EXACT SAME THING THIS PERSON HAS DONE OVER MULTIPLE YEARS. this really pissed me off because it's so one sided callous and hypocritical. They themselves sought comfort through others there yet trashing someone else as if they had no value. Who wanted kindness yet shit on someone else. I'm over people being this way.

The assumptions, words put into my mouth, getting told what to think and say, how to act, what I should do, who I should give credit to, what to feel, I do not know where to stand. There is always something bad that lingers no matter how good things can get. Validation? Trust? Honesty? The ability to express emotions normally? What do I want in life is the question I always ask myself. To be successful? To finally be away from family that has broken bonds? A newer version of me who never wants to be the child who suffered emotionally growing up and forcing herself to be mature at an early age? To get away from authoritarian parents? To be rid of emotional manipulation? To be heard and understood? An environment to feel judgment free, to be open minded? What I want is to feel like I matter and not feel like I'm an inconvenience for being the way I am and what I want to do.

i crave happiness. i crave love. i crave everything that comes with human connection, and the fact that im never going to get it is eating me alive. i just want someone, i dont care who they are. i want to be their best friend or their partner or whatever they want me to be. i just want to feel that love that everyone except me gets to experience. i just need somebody. anybody. i want to love someone. i want someone to love me. its devouring me whole and i dont know what to do about it.

im just tired of trying for everyone that i love when it feels like they dont love me back. i just want to find my someone. whether that be a partner or a friend, im just so sick of this never-ending cycle of lonesomeness. i hate it. its so frustrating to come to the realization that i do everything for them and they cant even do so much as look in my direction.

Ive wanted to be more, something with a genuine meaning alongest side it. I wonder if i will ever amount to anything with value, i aspire to be the main topic, to be brought up, to be wanted, yet when i am brought up i freeze up like i was dipped into an icy pit of sorrow, i wanted that, i needed that beacause what am i without being needed what i need is the reassurance of making sure im still loved and cared for what am i doing here if i dont have anything that cares for me what am i needed for if no one needed to need me. im so fucking done

I feel like I’m drifting away, but not willingly. I wish the people around me made me feel like I mattered. They ignore me when I try to speak, or they outright turn away. I don’t get what makes my life not worth as much as anyone else’s. I don’t know what kind of a person I am that I’m treated equivalent to none. I hate myself, and these people enforce it. I know if I say something, I’ll get attacked for it because I’ve seen it within a friend group I’m somewhat around. They talk shit about their own friends, and especially one because she acted like she was left out. I don’t want them to talk behind my back, but I feel they probably already do. My best friend barely talks to me because her boyfriend is more important. If I were to die, it’d be those assemblies that people easily whisper during. Suicide isn’t even an option because through death, I’d never escape the reputation tainted on my life through the lies of how people perceive me for how I seem, not who I am.

im just so done im done im done im done im done. I cant live this anymore, school work is piling and piling up, im not skinny enough, my grades are dropping, im not fcuking pretty enough, im not enough. I jsut cant do it anymore, I just cant, im so done with life.

everyday is like the same day for me honestly.

I hate it when people get all passive aggressive and just say things that they don't mean at all. I mean, it's fine if it happened once. but I have friends and family members who do this every time they're pissed. it actually happened today with my parents. I loosened up for a bit, and I got in trouble because of it. I remember other times when my friends lashed out on me. either I did it by accident or I just didn't hear them. thinking of it now, why is it always me? what the hell did I ever do? they just don't think before they say things that can possibly hurt someone. of course, these stupid motherfrickers regret it. it's honestly really annoying to deal with it. I always look pathetic. looking sad for no damn reason. feeling sorrow for a friend who probably forgot about in milliseconds. they make me waste my time. i hate people who waste my time.

I just want him back I want him back so bad. I miss him sm i just wish i knew how he felt. I sit in bed crying everyday because idk what to do. I just wanna hug him again I just want to say i love you again i just miss him sm

I just never do anything right anymore. My depression takes such a big impact on me and who I am and how I act. I am rude, I am mean, I am hostile, I am dishonest, and with my full heart, I don't know why. I wanna be good, I want to be a good sister, I want to be a good daughter but I just can't anymore. Its like everyday I just become a worse and worse person. I feel just like my dad. And even with all this you know what I wanna do? cut myself. its ALL THAT'S EVER ON MY FUCKING MIND. even as my world and who ! thought I was is burning down, all I want to do it cut myself, my body is already covered is so many disgusting, jarring scars, I don't know why its been my copping mechanism for so long. I just miss who I was a few months to a year ago. I was so awsome, trying to do my best, putting my all, but not fuck all that ig, I'm a horrible person now yay. I'm gonna go fucking kill myself.

my friend is a bit concerning. she can be so irritating with her delusions; she has this bias from a boy band group called stray kids. I'm completely fine if you have an idol, but this is too far. her bias is felix and she always says how she wants to marry him, says inappropriate jokes about him and is becoming a Korea boo just because he's Korean. mind you, she's under 15, he's like 25. when I talk about it, she's like "so? others have huge age gaps too" it's just so fricking frustrating. like please, you're only a minor. just because another young idol did it doesn't mean you can do it. plus, her inappropriate jokes about felix irritate me. it's like she can't treat a 25-year-old man like an average human. I don't mind if foreigners want to learn Korean, but this girl is trying to learn Korean just because of him. her future job wants to be an idol just because of him, she's going to live just for him, she has a "kid" with him (skzoo), blah, blah.. oh my gosh. SHUT. UP. ALREADY.

today I was just trying to loosen up a bit for being so uptight. my parents noticed and they started scolding at me. they say how much stress they get just because of me (and my brother). here's the thing, yes, I do understand that my parents are going to be very, very stressed because they are taking care of their children. they pay rent, they work hard for money, they pay for food, clothes, shelter, tutors, etc. yes, my parents do a lot for me, and I am actually very grateful for everything they do. I understand and know that my parents are people too. though, since both of my parents have such high standards, it's almost impossible to reach them. my parents point out everything that I do. I need to walk like a model, earn good money, study about a few hours a day from now on, get good grades, take care of your brother, take care of your friends, your responsibilities matter, what more can you ask for? I also stress out too as a student. I'm human too. I'm not a robot.

My girlfriend that I’m in love with is getting professional help after a failed attempt, and I’m terrified of waking up one day and her not being here. She told me she put her phone on silent bc she knew I would be able to talk her out of it. The stress is horrible and idk what to say or how to help