All Rants

Tw cussing My fucking parents have been being discriminatory to me this entire time and I had zero clue until recently and now they’re acting like I’m the villain in the story. All, because I want my freedoms. Context I I have high functioning autism and I’m on the spectrum but according to my parents that just means I’m difficult when it comes to things that related to those traits. Now, my recently they’ve been getting more physically aggressive with me over my phone all because sometimes I will not hand it over because I’m still texting someone in fact, they restricted text messaging so I can’t even text someone if I’m having a hard time. My parents have also ignored me when I was going through a mental struggle. They don’t respect that I’m trans and they certainly do not respect that. I am on that spectrum it’s fucking annoying

To the person who replied to the kind minded thing. Its nice you say that, but im maybe hyper wired for it with zero outlet and it just makes me feel like a creep... thats my issue.

Why did i have to be so kink minded? Im lonely enough trying to find a regular hobby group.

why do i keep doing this to myself.

I'm tired, which is crazy because I don't have school, or a job, or anything going on really, but I'm so tired. The people around me say I'm wasting my time and my life, what am I supposed to say to that? I know I'm a mess, I know they're tired of me too, I'm tired of myself. I don't want to be like this too, but most days even three hours of having to face people is too much for me. I know something in me is broken, has been for a long time. I can't afford therapy. Sometimes I just think about where it all started getting so messed up, and I can't even find where it all began. I don't even think I'm living anymore sometimes. I wanted to die at 16, I knew I needed help, but never got it. So here I am still wanting to die, and still holding on so that I don't inflict that pain on the people who still care about me. I know I'm hurting them though, every time they see the current me, they hurt. so the question becomes, do I just tear the bandage off, how long can I keep going?

I love you and I know you don't so I should probably not care anyway cuz teenage crushes are temporary but I don't look at the way you look or dress I just look at the way you walk into the room and brighten up everyone's day when you maybe just faced a storm yourself. I love your eyes and the way they shine....I love the way you're so kind and funny...I love the way you walked a little extra just to make sure I got home safe....I love that little hair flip you do right before you're about to drop the craziest pice of school lore ever known....I love you...maybe its a teen crush....but it's love to me...atleast for now....which is really weird considering I have a career to worry about lol

I have moved out today, i had no choice , my mum is a single mother, she doesn't have money to support me , i have a school fees balance of 170,000 kenyan shillings probably i won't be accepted to school next semester ,i save enough for rent and deposit,i don't even know how i am going to sleep or eat. I have no one i can borrow money from . i am frustrated and depressed

What's something you have to deal with regularly that nobody else seems to understand? Well seems everything I say fam wants to invalidate me in it and how I feel. They're always edgy like landmines and eggshells. Also they don't get the amount of anxiety I go through on a regular basis to do normal things and errands. There's other stuff but those are just a couple

I wish I had friends. I dress very nice (have been told multiple times) and I am the best player on two of my college's club teams and I'd rate myself a 7/10 on a good day (looks help, honestly). Problem is, I am extremely awkward and boring. Not even shy; I just have nothing to say. All my interesting qualities are deliberate attempts to compensate for my social deficiency. Many people are nice to me and try to include me but it understandably fizzles out when they realize I have no personality. I don't enjoy being this way.

I want to be so skinny like 40kg!!!!!!!!!

i believe im still okay, and no. i can do this.

i'm so tired. but, i still have this slight hope that everything will be alright. it's just a bad day, not a bad life, right?

I’m not going to get a remote job. My dads job was remote during covid which was nice then and now it’s like a hybrid thing but he fucking hates his job it’s not a career he never planned a career I’m going to graduate school after college. My LinkedIn is a total joke

I’m just lonely and sad. In love with someone that wants to take care of me but doesn’t want a relationship. I want to move on but letting go is too hard

I’ve been feeling lost and like I wasted my professional career. I left the corporate world last April to work remotely after moving to the province because I bought my first house. Commuting to the city was no longer practical, and I had wanted WFH since the pandemic. Logically, it made sense, but five months in, I regret leaving my career path. I spent years climbing the corporate ladder in hospitality and eventually became a manager. Now I’m in a remote role outside the industry I built my career in. The pay is good, but I feel like I lost my professional identity. I also constantly compare myself to my younger brother whenever he gets another job offer, and it makes me feel unaccomplished. I’ve been applying for remote roles related to my experience, tailoring my resume, but most applications get no response. Some interviews went well, only to end in rejection or silence. I know leaving my toxic workplace was right, but I still feel like I traded my career identity for stability

I feel weird, I've been 18 for 4 months now but nothing feels like it's changed? I still like relatively "kiddy" interests (MLP, Gacha Life, Cookie Run, Sonic etc) and it makes me feel bad? Like on Roblox someone insinuated I'm a creep for being 18 and being on Roblox.. It's stupid but it made me feel awful.

I’m not addicted to porn idk what to say I’m treading dangerous waters here

Feeling lost and I feel like I wasted my professional career everytime a tend to compare my current position with others like my younger brother So long story short I left the corporate world last April to transfer to any remote work regardless of the position as long as its a good pay. Mainly transferring from another city to a province area which logically and economically commute is not an option because the fare will be 5x more expensive. Reason why I moved from the city to a province is because I bought a house.My first ever house.

Update on: post 3812 I still feel like this, it's gotten better but I still feel it on bad days I don't experience attraction I think or struggle with it which has made me fear I am what I said in the post, I think I had a porn addiction growing up.. because I was exposed to NSFW at 11-12 and sort of fell down that rabbit hole. It's better now I'm not trying to "fix" my asexuality at least haha...

I fucking hate myself. I'm in this birthday susprise thing and im the only animator. The only problem is, I'm the only animator. It's my fault. I'm just a fucking failure who doesn't care about anyone. I want to kill myself.