All Rants

I can never sleep. I stay up until minimum of 11pm at night and maximum of maybe 3am then I need to be at school by 8:00am. I'm always exhausted when I wake up. I can't seem to fall asleep. Ever. I always make jokes about being sleep deprived or my massive dark eyebags but I'm almost always feeling like shit. I'm always nauseous and sweaty at school. I'm only twelve turning thirteen this year and I feel miserable already. I want to kill myself sometimes but whenever I reach out to the suicide hotline my computer won't let me in. Things at school suck and my parents suck and I want to die. With my dog passing away sometime last year and lots of end of year finals I'm stressed beyond my breaking point. I just want peace. It's currently 11:34pm where I am.

It's been just over a year since my dog Pippa passed away. She hadn't been able to keep food down for a few weeks and I had a feeling she would die soon. She was the best girl in the world. She had been with me since I was born. Eleven years of pure joy and happiness. Until the end of March rolled around. I was having the best day of school and it was a Monday. I was surprised it had been going so well and I was suspicious something would go wrong later. I walked home from the bus stop to see both of my parents cars in the driveway which was weird because that day my dad had brought Pippa to the vet for a checkup to see what was wrong that day and my mom was supposed to be at work. I walked in to my parents sitting in the living room with Pippa together looking terrified. That's when they told me and my brother the news. We had to put her down. And at the worst time possible. April fools day. We put her down on APRIL FOOLS DAY. My grief keeps coming back in waves. RIP Pippa. Fly high..

The reason Jeff Bezos resigned from Amazon the scam company especially sending wrong products, and focus on his giant penis space program, is his words and actions means he is off the planet.

I'm just like my mother. Everyday I'm reminded of it. I get angry and shut down randomly, I lash out on people when I really don't mean to. I'm as emotional as her. I'm just like her. I always will be. And that thought scares me. I love her, but I don't wanna be her.

I transferred to a new school after being heavily bullied at my old one and I have tried to improve myself by cutting out things that harm me like za and i have realized that I really don’t have any friends or real outside family connections i have out of state friends and people who I try to talk to but i end up not really having anyone to hang with so i am very often alone and i think that the usage of za has hurt my brain to the point where i can’t make connections anymore even at my old school i had some friends but i really don’t think there is anything i can do to help myself and i am so incredibly lonely all the time:

My 16f sister didn’t audition for a thing in school that my dad explicitly told her to do because she “didnt want to” and now he’s getting mad at everyone. He blew up at my mom for something her friends said and apparently hes also mad at me (18f) because i didn’t join a certain one-credit chamber ensemble class at uni when i didn’t even know he wanted me to join and he only knows the vaguest mutterings abt this class bc of a piano teacher. I’ve always done everything he’s asked me to do (auditioned for xyz, applied for xyz) because i knew he would get mega pissed off if i didn’t and now i’m worried that tomorrow morning he’s going to start yelling at me and i won’t even be allowed to say anything in return. I’ve literally done so much of what he’s asked me to but its the things that i DONT do that make him say i’ve wasted his money, wasted his time, wasted LIFE or something and right now i’m stressed out because my sister didn’t do the thing and it’s ruined the entire rest of the week

I can't empathize with people-- of course i can see why they would feel sad but i can't feel sad for them unless i see it happen in front of my eyes, i can't give comforting responses but i can listen i guess but i dont want to bear their burden like i don't want them to bear mine but i need someone to listen but sometimes even writing in a diary makes me want to rip it to shreds and end its suffering, for it doesnt deserve to live with the words i have etched in it

i dont really care if they leave me or not because if they do then they will be happy and it probably wasnt meant to be if they think and act on it in the first place but i crave intimacy but im not actually gonna go for it im never gonna outwardly say i love you eww that means nothing and its awkward and cringe but atthe same time the thought is lovely i guess i want to be hugged but the feeling is disgusting eww ummm they deserve freedom they dont need meit hurts but it fades quickly because if they leave me then we're both happy. relationships are reciprocal and if one person doesnt feel happy its not going to work so itwas never meant to be. one day someone will be happy with me and thats the one that i might stay with. of course it will take time but thats for everything haha ummm thats never gonna happen tbh low chance i dont offer much actually but i expect so much i dont deserve anyone

im reading these and i lwky feel miserable but i shouldnt feel miserable because i have an ok family i guess straight As n shi umm good friends but idk everyone i know has it worse than me but i also feel really bad even though im privileged to even be here today if i just disappeared they would have something to replace me all of them i might be a lazy bum umm yeaa yeaa i wish i could take their burdens maybe the world would be better my friends are aspiring scientists and lawyers if they just had better mental health then maybe there could be great things contributed to the world tbh idont know what my focus in life really is because im not even the best in my class so i cant contribute shit ummm yeaa yeaa yay wow

I feel left out. All the time.

bipolar has cometely destroyed my life. im an alcoholic now at 29 and i dont have a job and my roommates dont know hoe to fucking function so i feel like their mom. all i do is drink. i donate plasma when i dont drink to get money. i have zero hope for angthing. the world is fucking evil. i cant be happy or live on my own so why would anything be ok. i hope everyone on earth dies. i only think about drinking and killing myself now. i dont know what to do anymore besides kill myself. theres no point to living with bipolar. its a terminal torture illness. i hope after im dead the world improves and the environment is saved. i dont even care about human life anymore, i hope everything rlse on earth survives. im miserable amd i only like alcohol. yayyyy

being raped made me hypersexual. No one gets it. It's not fair. my dad thinks I'm a whore and I'm not. I still consider being a virgin after being raped. it happed since I was 6-14. It stopped around december 13th, 2024. I love older men, they make me feel safe, idk, they comfort me the way my dad never had. even if my dad is still in my life I can't get over the fact I need that kinda attention from grown men. I just wanna be dada's baby to older men. anyways, I'm 15 now, living with my dad since my mother was abusive.

in another life, this may have been different.

I am so burnt out with everything. Im tired of having mental health problems, i hate being 18, i hate having no friends and such a boring life, i hate not having a boyfriend. Everything is just a mess. What the hell have i done to deserve a life like this? Im a good affectionate girl but it seems no boy wants my love they want to make it all about sex why? why would you rather just use someone than be happy and giggly over someone? i remember my first big crush, I just had a big crush on him and i was so happy even when he just smiled at me, he ended up not feeling the same, it still impacts me. Im over him. There is this other boy im really into, hes all ive ever wanted, i just want to be with him, Gid i promise i will be so good to him. I might as well km3 because i feel like im not good enough or wanted in this life. If i end it people can say they missed out on a good girl, i guess once im dead boys will say "wow she was an affectionate girl in a world full of users but she gone

Struggling with scuicidal thoughts and trying to to relaps for sh

I’m 19. I live at home because I’m a full time college student and working part time I just don’t have enough for an apartment. But I’m treated as a child dude. My parents rarely let me leave the house. I have no friends other than my boyfriend who is always fighting with me because he just doesn’t understand. Like he changed our plans aka my ONLY chance to leave my house in MONTHS for a weekend just to find out it never had to be canceled and it would’ve worked out but bc he canceled it I get fucked out of a surprise and can’t even just do the plans now anyways bc he already made different plans. With my family not even me.

I hate how girls can just sit there and not take any risk while me as a male have to take all the risk and make the first move, plan the first date, approach her and talk to her first. And if i don't do that she just moves on to the other guy on her phone. its so lame that love isn't real. I just want to experience anime love with a girl but all these girls just be using me for attention.

I'm so sick of being a horny teenager. The feeling of disgustingness only increases at the fact that I was sexually assaulted in my school bathroom 5 months ago. My asshole was bleeding. I pissed myself multiple times. I'm in pain physically and emotionally. Constantly. I just want to die.

So ive been in this relationship that i shouldnt be in cause i have to baby the guy every single day. Honestly if i wanted a child to take care of i would've birth on myself. But him being 43 years old and still needs help remembering anything is alot for me. He doesnt wash himself properly doesn't brush his teeth doesn't know how to put shoes on dont know how to clean and really needs help with complex problems like wipping his own ass. He also snores so loud i can hear him outside my own apartment building. He gets mad if i dont let him smoke in my apartment even though one of the rules in my lease says you can only smoke outside. Everytime i tell him this he tries to gaslite me into letting him but at the end he throws a fit slams doors and rants about it for days on end about how he has to get dressed every single time he has to go outside to smoke.

I was 14, turning 15. 14 When a guy on the internet decided it would be funny to doxx me. He had me send him all sorts of explicit content. It got to a point where I had to prostitute myself, so that he would have enough material for his twisted needs. I still haven’t gotten over it. I feel sick only thinking about the way they touched me. Their hands roaming over my body. I want to throw up