All Rants

You know what pisses me off? That S/H is treated like a game. I've just recently learned the different terms for layers skin you can hit whilst cutting. Cat scratches, Styro, baked beans, laffy taffy, and bedrock. I mean, I guess there's nothing wrong with having terms so you can talk about it online. But TELL ME WHY I see comments on TikTok like, "I've only hit cat scratches i feel like such a poser :(" LIKE NO??? S/H is a SERIOUS issue and you should NOT be treating it like a fandom/competition. There is no posing/larping S/H. It is a SERIOUS issue.

I feel so behind in life in almost every aspect I can't think of besides material things. Ive been homeschooled since 3rd grade but I'm so behind academically it's sicking and now that I'm transferring to a public school for my last year it's really been exposing that idk I can't catch up and I don't want to be shunned. I have no friends. None not online irl or any of my family. While I like be alone I hate being lonely. I hate seeing others my age talk about any type or relationship because I've never experienced anything like it I've never had a falling out because I've never had a friend.. I feel like I'm stuck like this I've done nothing anyone my age has and it sucks I've missed out on so much stuff and because of this all I just want to give up. Maybe I already have though? I'm really dont know anymore.

This whole week has sucked and I am just done trying.

When I was a baby my mom took me to church and this lady was cooing over me then put her hand under my blanket then took it out and I started crying loudly making everyone look at us and the lady accused my mom of hurting me, when the lady left a big cut on my stomach and my mom never saw the lady again. AND I BROUGHT THE BOWL + SOUR GUMMY WORMS.

i dont know what venting will do me. after thorough reflection, ive messed up with the girl i love deeply, the one closest to my soul. and even if we said wed get through everything, i broke her trust real bad (not cheating, id never do that). but you know its just this deep empty feeling cause were still calling together and all but like it feels like its all gonna go to shit and the fact that its all my fault really sits with me. i really love this girl and i understand the weight of what i did. what sucks even more is id really get it if she finally left me. anyways, living in this uncertainty of being with her really scares me and gives me this feeling i never think id feel ever.

Girls… sometimes you feel like shit not because you’re a loser but because your hormones dropped. It’s the worst and it sucks but it kinda helps knowing that’s it’s not always your fault. Sometimes you just naturally have a shitty day so be kind to yourself!

I'm a total zero; I shouldn't have been born into this world. Even when I grow old, I still can't give up childish antics.

Okay, so basically I am admitting to myself that I have a happy crush on a girl I met for one day at an event, whilst having a girlfriend for 3 years. Me and my girlfriend have no issues with our relationship, we are happy and love each other very much. It's just that, this new girl I met, she kept giving me butterflies in my stomach everytime I would glance at her. And to top it off, we have similar interests and feel like we have good chemistry with each other. I don't know if it was the butterflies in my stomach talking to me, but I felt like she was also into me, because she would actively try to stand or sit beside me during our event, in which the purpose of the event was to socialize with other people. So for her to constantly seek me out even after talking with other people... it made me feel like she was forming feelings for me, and likewise because I would also gravitate towards her even when there were others, we just shared so much in common.

not doing great in school, worried i might flop in thesis defense .... too many thingsss come to my mind ....... P.S excuse my grammar english is not my first language dont make fun of me

What's a deadline or expectation that feels completely unreasonable?

I was honest with you about something that happened over 5 years ago, now its being held against me. That hurts.

I know that my stupidity contributes to fascism. I don't know what I can do about it. No matter how much I read, I'm still stupid. I don't use my brain, I can only use this SpongeBob level of fantasy, this Lennie Small or Forrest Gump level of fantasy that makes me think I'm using my brain. I think I'm living proof that IQ and talent is the level that we fall to. I'm a piece of shit, I deserve every criticism I've received for being a piece of shit. I'm ableist too, but that's a defence mechanism to preemptively reject, shut out, and hate people who are of similar social condition to me, ironically, while I claim to support them in fantasy. You can quote Tate and I'd think it was some 18-20th century politician or radical. I can't even fake fitting in around a culture that values grit because I'm the one caught faking in my unimaginative fantasy. Preparing for a suicide that will never happen is my biggest artistic-intellectual achievement. I don't know if I can make life beautiful.

I just sat next to someone with nastiest breath! That's why I try to remember to keep mints in my bag. The attack on people with nasty breath. Do they not smell it?

I loved her. I really did. She meant everything to me and I fucked it up at the end because I was too insecure. I wish everything can go back to the way it was.

I get that we all have things that suck. But it bothers me when people not only complain all the time but it's all they focus on forever. It just annoys me.

here's the thing. i'm not comfortable with myself. any sort of style i go with, it just looks bad no matter how much i try to make it work. low self-esteem aside, nothing just works with my physique or personality. because of this, i've since then never wore any "girly" outfits. i felt that it didn't suit me. i've always went with what i was most comfortable with which is a little bit more "tomboyish" or tbh---a really plain and basic style. t-shirt + pants / jorts. it's what suits me---or so i thought 💀 i wanna be comfy with my outfits, but i also wanna be in style (?) does that make sense? but even with my comfiest fits i just end up looking straight buns. other people where what i wear and it looks good on them. everything just leads back to my physique and face and it just haunts me. i don't feel confident in anything and it just gets worse whenever i see myself in any reflective surface. i would always think i look good until i see myself in photos and mirrors. i hate this.

I HATE HOW I LOOK. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. I WANNA RESET MY LIFE. FUHHHHHHHHHHH

My bff is kinda rude about me wanting to get top surgery? I love her and i'd die for this girl, but she won't see this from my pov. she wants a bigger chest, and thats fine like i'm supportive of her and i understand that she'd feel more confident with a bigger chest. but i try to explain that most clothes look gross on me because they're designed for either flat chests or smaller sizes. how everything i wear is sexualised. i wear a cute dress that has a lower neckline and suddenly my cleavage is showing and i feel like a slut. her responses are aways "You don't know how good you have it" or "idk why you want to get them cut off, you don't understand how bad it is being flat" its awful because she's my bff but i kinda hope she feels how i feel when she gets implants and hates it. I DO? i get it, i swear. but i don't judge her for wanting to change herself to feel more confident, so why does she have to judge me? it's my body? and ik its awful because she's my bff but sometimes

life must be so good being rich and pretty. bonus points if ur smart too. life sucks ass.ion even need to go to hell, this shit already is one.

I think my mom might think im a trans male. I told her I didn’t really associate myself with anything and wasn’t comfortable with labels, but I caved and told her she could just call me a female and use she/her. But I’ve recently cut my hair short and I dress masculine and I guess she took that as a sign that im a dude? Like she tried getting me to go into a men’s fitting room when I was shopping, and I wasn’t comfortable with doing that. I love that she’s supportive and all but I feel like she not taking it right? I feel selfish tho, and ik that some people don’t have a supportive parent like me and im sorry. I’ll throw a reading party at my house where we drink caffeine and read our favorite books while it rains outside and my orange cat sometimes walks up for pets. And then we can go to hot topic or smth and buy band shirts :)