All Rants

I get that we all have things that suck. But it bothers me when people not only complain all the time but it's all they focus on forever. It just annoys me.

here's the thing. i'm not comfortable with myself. any sort of style i go with, it just looks bad no matter how much i try to make it work. low self-esteem aside, nothing just works with my physique or personality. because of this, i've since then never wore any "girly" outfits. i felt that it didn't suit me. i've always went with what i was most comfortable with which is a little bit more "tomboyish" or tbh---a really plain and basic style. t-shirt + pants / jorts. it's what suits me---or so i thought 💀 i wanna be comfy with my outfits, but i also wanna be in style (?) does that make sense? but even with my comfiest fits i just end up looking straight buns. other people where what i wear and it looks good on them. everything just leads back to my physique and face and it just haunts me. i don't feel confident in anything and it just gets worse whenever i see myself in any reflective surface. i would always think i look good until i see myself in photos and mirrors. i hate this.

I HATE HOW I LOOK. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. I WANNA RESET MY LIFE. FUHHHHHHHHHHH

My bff is kinda rude about me wanting to get top surgery? I love her and i'd die for this girl, but she won't see this from my pov. she wants a bigger chest, and thats fine like i'm supportive of her and i understand that she'd feel more confident with a bigger chest. but i try to explain that most clothes look gross on me because they're designed for either flat chests or smaller sizes. how everything i wear is sexualised. i wear a cute dress that has a lower neckline and suddenly my cleavage is showing and i feel like a slut. her responses are aways "You don't know how good you have it" or "idk why you want to get them cut off, you don't understand how bad it is being flat" its awful because she's my bff but i kinda hope she feels how i feel when she gets implants and hates it. I DO? i get it, i swear. but i don't judge her for wanting to change herself to feel more confident, so why does she have to judge me? it's my body? and ik its awful because she's my bff but sometimes

life must be so good being rich and pretty. bonus points if ur smart too. life sucks ass.ion even need to go to hell, this shit already is one.

I think my mom might think im a trans male. I told her I didn’t really associate myself with anything and wasn’t comfortable with labels, but I caved and told her she could just call me a female and use she/her. But I’ve recently cut my hair short and I dress masculine and I guess she took that as a sign that im a dude? Like she tried getting me to go into a men’s fitting room when I was shopping, and I wasn’t comfortable with doing that. I love that she’s supportive and all but I feel like she not taking it right? I feel selfish tho, and ik that some people don’t have a supportive parent like me and im sorry. I’ll throw a reading party at my house where we drink caffeine and read our favorite books while it rains outside and my orange cat sometimes walks up for pets. And then we can go to hot topic or smth and buy band shirts :)

I feel like im in a cycle almost every day. I wake up at 4am against my will and listen to music while waiting for the sun to rise. I lay in bed until 7am and then I get up and have a caffeinated drink. Then I go downstairs and I eat a yogurt and go back up to my room. Then I watch/listen to a podcast while crafting/drawing. Then I play an instrument. Then I eat lunch. Then I craft/draw, watch/listen to a podcast, and play my instruments again until the sun sets. Then I eat dinner and go back to my room and take a shower. On special days I dye my hair or I turn the dim led lights in my room on and cut myself while listening to music. Then I lay in bed and read/watch a show on my phone until I realize that it’s 12am and I should probably sleep. It’s the same fucking thing over and over and over again and I sometimes feel like im not even fucking real.

When I was 10, my dad died and my whole family kind of locked themselves in their rooms and waited for the crying to stop. I needed a distraction, and I found something a traumatized, sad little 10 year old probably shouldn’t have got their hands on. Porn. I got addicted to it, and I would watch it on my unrestricted fuckass pink tablet almost every day. I began drawing women in sexual poses and in lingerie, but they obviously weren’t very good. I slowed my addiction when my brother found one of the drawings and told my whole family at a fucking breakfast diner. I also tried denying I was gay (my dead father was republican and taught us that “gays are disgusting, they need to beg god for forgiveness”) and only realized I was 2 years later, when I was 12. I haven’t touched porn like that in years (I read smut but like, come on dude) but I hate the person it made me be. I’m such a fucking pervert now. I hate it so fucking much. Stay away from porn guys 🥀😭💔

i rlly fuckin hate seeing candid photos of me bro LIKE shit I look ugly as FUCK. i hate seeing my reflection, photos, videos, and everything. it just ruins my confidence (not that i have any). uggghhhh

Is it selfish to stop texting my friends for a week+ to see if they even care? I just feel like I always share everything that I thought was funny or they would like, but they don’t care. I don’t have any other friends but them and I just feel so lonely. They know I’ve been depressed lately and a lot has happened with my family. I just want to see if I even get a simple text of “are you okay?” to see if they even bat an eye.

Why do people (my neighbors) have to act like uncivilized apes. Just because you get up whenever you do DOESN'T MEAN EVERYONE ELSE BELOW YOU WANT TO NOR DO THEY WANT TO HEAR WHAT SEEMS TO BE YOUR INTENTIONAL THUMPING. WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!?!? thank God I got some sleep last night. But this has become totally ridiculous. We're not in position to move away from this ignorant petty bunch. I will keep saying it, animals in zoos and their own dog has more maturity than they do. The have no decency thoughtfulness of others that below them. Some of them think they can thump all night and sleep all day. Why do people have to act this way?! I have my own problems with our this going on. My family is unstable as it is. They don't want to validate how I feel about this either. Why I have no clue. I guess cuz they're not the ones jumped out of bed. The one hippo stays above me and the other is all over the place. I'm not a mean person ,I just shouldn't have to be put through this.

Sometimes I wish I was a dude and had no tits and a dick. And a higher metabolism so I don’t hate my body as much.

Don't block me jsut because i didn't instantly respond to your trauma dump. oh, i'm sorry i have work and school? i should of quit just for you. fuck you. i listened to you and i was as understanding as i could be, i even made changes to my life so i could be there for you, but i'm busy one day and you block me. I hope you never find someone who listens or cares about you again if you're just gonna use us to dump your problems on 24/7 and then leave when we don't sacrifice everything in our lives for it.

i love a girl and she loves me tooo, but she is bum sometimes as she easily get manipulated by her friends and that is effecting our health!!

it’s been a month and 8 days since me and my ex broke up. yeah, it hasn’t been long but to me? it feels like centuries. i’m still stalking his playstation account since it’s the only thing i have access to (i blocked him everywhere), it doesn’t feel enough. everything feels so unfair. the stupid trend on tiktok made me realise that the door back to that part of my life is closed with no door handle. it’s really over. every bridge got burned when i left him and it feels surreal thinking that.. but genuinely it’s what i had to do. was i perfect? definitely not. but the casual disrespect and genuine disregard for me toward the end was actually awful. that’s the only thing i can look back at and make me not go back on what i’ve done. i miss everything, a piece of my heart feels like it’s missing and i feel empty more often then not. being with someone for almost 5 years even with (small) breaks since we were well literally children (17) feels awful.

Oh well, i guess i messed up the first rant

I feel unheard repeatedly for a fairly long time. While i write this vent, i'll maybe consider practicing structured paragraph.

my house got struck my lighting and I’m greatly traumatized

. In 2021 my brother had a life altering stroke at 13 years old, he was just a baby. I was 9 and my sister was 6. After the stroke he lost all ability to use his right side of his body, and can’t walk or talk or use his right hand and it kills me to watch him everyday. He’s 19 now, he can’t read, graduate Highschool, get a job, or be my big brother anymore. I have to babysit him and take care of his needs. The part of his brain that helps him rationalize and control his emotions was greatly affected too, he now has bpd and abuses tf out of my whole entire family. I sometimes wish he died in that bed, or in the ambulance, or the icu. At least he wouldn’t have to feel like this, at least we wouldn’t have to feel like this. I don’t want to selfish but it hurts me so much. He put his hands on me recently and it scared the shit out of me. Everything keeps me awake at night 😢 I wish that it could be normal for everyone again but it can’t. I want to kill myself

Kids, be careful who you bully in school. A boy bullied me, now I am his daughter's aunt. Turned out his brother is the opposite of him and is also very attractive.