All Rants

Girls… sometimes you feel like shit not because you’re a loser but because your hormones dropped. It’s the worst and it sucks but it kinda helps knowing that’s it’s not always your fault. Sometimes you just naturally have a shitty day so be kind to yourself!

I'm a total zero; I shouldn't have been born into this world. Even when I grow old, I still can't give up childish antics.

Okay, so basically I am admitting to myself that I have a happy crush on a girl I met for one day at an event, whilst having a girlfriend for 3 years. Me and my girlfriend have no issues with our relationship, we are happy and love each other very much. It's just that, this new girl I met, she kept giving me butterflies in my stomach everytime I would glance at her. And to top it off, we have similar interests and feel like we have good chemistry with each other. I don't know if it was the butterflies in my stomach talking to me, but I felt like she was also into me, because she would actively try to stand or sit beside me during our event, in which the purpose of the event was to socialize with other people. So for her to constantly seek me out even after talking with other people... it made me feel like she was forming feelings for me, and likewise because I would also gravitate towards her even when there were others, we just shared so much in common.

not doing great in school, worried i might flop in thesis defense .... too many thingsss come to my mind ....... P.S excuse my grammar english is not my first language dont make fun of me

What's a deadline or expectation that feels completely unreasonable?

I was honest with you about something that happened over 5 years ago, now its being held against me. That hurts.

I know that my stupidity contributes to fascism. I don't know what I can do about it. No matter how much I read, I'm still stupid. I don't use my brain, I can only use this SpongeBob level of fantasy, this Lennie Small or Forrest Gump level of fantasy that makes me think I'm using my brain. I think I'm living proof that IQ and talent is the level that we fall to. I'm a piece of shit, I deserve every criticism I've received for being a piece of shit. I'm ableist too, but that's a defence mechanism to preemptively reject, shut out, and hate people who are of similar social condition to me, ironically, while I claim to support them in fantasy. You can quote Tate and I'd think it was some 18-20th century politician or radical. I can't even fake fitting in around a culture that values grit because I'm the one caught faking in my unimaginative fantasy. Preparing for a suicide that will never happen is my biggest artistic-intellectual achievement. I don't know if I can make life beautiful.

I just sat next to someone with nastiest breath! That's why I try to remember to keep mints in my bag. The attack on people with nasty breath. Do they not smell it?

I loved her. I really did. She meant everything to me and I fucked it up at the end because I was too insecure. I wish everything can go back to the way it was.

I get that we all have things that suck. But it bothers me when people not only complain all the time but it's all they focus on forever. It just annoys me.

here's the thing. i'm not comfortable with myself. any sort of style i go with, it just looks bad no matter how much i try to make it work. low self-esteem aside, nothing just works with my physique or personality. because of this, i've since then never wore any "girly" outfits. i felt that it didn't suit me. i've always went with what i was most comfortable with which is a little bit more "tomboyish" or tbh---a really plain and basic style. t-shirt + pants / jorts. it's what suits me---or so i thought 💀 i wanna be comfy with my outfits, but i also wanna be in style (?) does that make sense? but even with my comfiest fits i just end up looking straight buns. other people where what i wear and it looks good on them. everything just leads back to my physique and face and it just haunts me. i don't feel confident in anything and it just gets worse whenever i see myself in any reflective surface. i would always think i look good until i see myself in photos and mirrors. i hate this.

I HATE HOW I LOOK. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. I WANNA RESET MY LIFE. FUHHHHHHHHHHH

My bff is kinda rude about me wanting to get top surgery? I love her and i'd die for this girl, but she won't see this from my pov. she wants a bigger chest, and thats fine like i'm supportive of her and i understand that she'd feel more confident with a bigger chest. but i try to explain that most clothes look gross on me because they're designed for either flat chests or smaller sizes. how everything i wear is sexualised. i wear a cute dress that has a lower neckline and suddenly my cleavage is showing and i feel like a slut. her responses are aways "You don't know how good you have it" or "idk why you want to get them cut off, you don't understand how bad it is being flat" its awful because she's my bff but i kinda hope she feels how i feel when she gets implants and hates it. I DO? i get it, i swear. but i don't judge her for wanting to change herself to feel more confident, so why does she have to judge me? it's my body? and ik its awful because she's my bff but sometimes

life must be so good being rich and pretty. bonus points if ur smart too. life sucks ass.ion even need to go to hell, this shit already is one.

I think my mom might think im a trans male. I told her I didn’t really associate myself with anything and wasn’t comfortable with labels, but I caved and told her she could just call me a female and use she/her. But I’ve recently cut my hair short and I dress masculine and I guess she took that as a sign that im a dude? Like she tried getting me to go into a men’s fitting room when I was shopping, and I wasn’t comfortable with doing that. I love that she’s supportive and all but I feel like she not taking it right? I feel selfish tho, and ik that some people don’t have a supportive parent like me and im sorry. I’ll throw a reading party at my house where we drink caffeine and read our favorite books while it rains outside and my orange cat sometimes walks up for pets. And then we can go to hot topic or smth and buy band shirts :)

I feel like im in a cycle almost every day. I wake up at 4am against my will and listen to music while waiting for the sun to rise. I lay in bed until 7am and then I get up and have a caffeinated drink. Then I go downstairs and I eat a yogurt and go back up to my room. Then I watch/listen to a podcast while crafting/drawing. Then I play an instrument. Then I eat lunch. Then I craft/draw, watch/listen to a podcast, and play my instruments again until the sun sets. Then I eat dinner and go back to my room and take a shower. On special days I dye my hair or I turn the dim led lights in my room on and cut myself while listening to music. Then I lay in bed and read/watch a show on my phone until I realize that it’s 12am and I should probably sleep. It’s the same fucking thing over and over and over again and I sometimes feel like im not even fucking real.

When I was 10, my dad died and my whole family kind of locked themselves in their rooms and waited for the crying to stop. I needed a distraction, and I found something a traumatized, sad little 10 year old probably shouldn’t have got their hands on. Porn. I got addicted to it, and I would watch it on my unrestricted fuckass pink tablet almost every day. I began drawing women in sexual poses and in lingerie, but they obviously weren’t very good. I slowed my addiction when my brother found one of the drawings and told my whole family at a fucking breakfast diner. I also tried denying I was gay (my dead father was republican and taught us that “gays are disgusting, they need to beg god for forgiveness”) and only realized I was 2 years later, when I was 12. I haven’t touched porn like that in years (I read smut but like, come on dude) but I hate the person it made me be. I’m such a fucking pervert now. I hate it so fucking much. Stay away from porn guys 🥀😭💔

i rlly fuckin hate seeing candid photos of me bro LIKE shit I look ugly as FUCK. i hate seeing my reflection, photos, videos, and everything. it just ruins my confidence (not that i have any). uggghhhh

Is it selfish to stop texting my friends for a week+ to see if they even care? I just feel like I always share everything that I thought was funny or they would like, but they don’t care. I don’t have any other friends but them and I just feel so lonely. They know I’ve been depressed lately and a lot has happened with my family. I just want to see if I even get a simple text of “are you okay?” to see if they even bat an eye.

Why do people (my neighbors) have to act like uncivilized apes. Just because you get up whenever you do DOESN'T MEAN EVERYONE ELSE BELOW YOU WANT TO NOR DO THEY WANT TO HEAR WHAT SEEMS TO BE YOUR INTENTIONAL THUMPING. WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!?!? thank God I got some sleep last night. But this has become totally ridiculous. We're not in position to move away from this ignorant petty bunch. I will keep saying it, animals in zoos and their own dog has more maturity than they do. The have no decency thoughtfulness of others that below them. Some of them think they can thump all night and sleep all day. Why do people have to act this way?! I have my own problems with our this going on. My family is unstable as it is. They don't want to validate how I feel about this either. Why I have no clue. I guess cuz they're not the ones jumped out of bed. The one hippo stays above me and the other is all over the place. I'm not a mean person ,I just shouldn't have to be put through this.