All Rants

Saturday, August 8, 2026, at 7:32 I tried cutting myself. I bled everywhere. It felt soothing. A long crude line runs along my wrist now. In the aftermath of me bandaging it up, my arm feels sore and I feel queasy by looking at my bandaged wrist. I hope this depression and anxiety can end. (ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ)

I have nothing going on for myself, if I'm honest. I have no job; I hang out in my (disgusting) room daily, and I stopped going to high school in February of this year. I genuinely can not stand interacting with people and feeling as if I always have to put up a front to satisfy them. Worst part? I've lived with a severe roach infestation for ALL of my teenage years. Disgusting, I know. How do you think I feel about it? Do you know how embarrassing it is when a friend wants to visit and I have to say no? When I'm constantly worried about whether or not a bug has crawled into my bag and pray that it didn't get on someone? I would NEVER wish an infestation on anyone. I haven't been to a hospital or a dentist since I was a child, so I have no idea where that leaves me. I have no plans for the future, and neither did my parents. I wouldn't mind if I died in my sleep.

i feel so incredibly disgusted at myself. i felt a sense of dread wash over me after seeing both my ex and friend match pfps, btw my friend won't talk to me anymore, and i wont see my ex anymore(kinda a good thing, i still miss her somewhat.) i feel so invasive for creeping into my friend's following and seeing my ex's pfp, they were matching and i know i should just let it go, but i miss them a lot. i'm so envious, and i feel so selfish. i hate the way i am and i should probably just end my life sooner or later. but i'm so scared of death that i can only draw my deaths. i'm horribly disgusted at myself, i feel so angry at myself, i want to just beat myself up and tell myself how wrong i am. how nosy i am for looking into her following list just to stumble upon my ex, it's my fault my ex left me for her. i think they're dating, but i hate assumptions, and i hate continuing to be nosy. i'm a disgusting human being.

I argue with my dad and get reminded why I hate him so much. When we aren't arguing, things can be genuinely fun. It makes me realize how much better it would be if he were a friend I would occasionally see rather than a parent.

My mom was out of town for the day and left me with no food at home. I was waiting all day thinking she would bring something back for me but no. I’m starting to feel like she doesn’t realize I’m a human because she did eat today. And the past few days before this she’s been stopping for fast food for herself during work and I don’t say anything or ask for food because I feel bad since I know she’s having trouble affording things right now. But I’m just sitting here starving and I feel like she doesn’t care at all. I feel too guilty to ask for food but how can you not feel guilty buying food for yourself and leaving me with nothing. Everyone in this house ate today but me and I still feel guilty. I feel bad for even being hungry. I feel like a constant burden and I wish I was never born.

Abe ja na lwde I have plenty of handsome and good men behind my back. You’re short and ugly ass could never..

Im not a homewrecker. It's hard to let go of something you thought was a talking stage while he had a gf. I hate people. I don't want to hurt someone's relationship but the truth hurts me. Everybody acts like my feelings don't matter because the other two are happy. I feel like I'm always the other woman. The next option. The least likely option out of the multiple choice.this happened Everytime. No. If a girl starts talking to you out of no where like everyday. SHE FUCKINF LIKES YOU DUMBASS I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIENDS I WANT TO BE MORE. AND DONT THINK THAT CUANGES JUST BECAUSE I LIKE GIRLS TOO.

the feeling of being hurt is so damn familiar with me. and yet its like a stake to my heart every time. im suprised theres any heart left. truly. i am. im so emotionless, i hold no remorse, im a terrible human being. and im not just saying this. morally, i am not a good person. im rude. i mock. (regardless if i can control it or not) im selfish. i dont know why people are still friends with me. i say shitty things as jokes. i downplay people as jokes. people say im so sweet. you can ask any of my friends. theyll say im kind and funny. period. because thats what i am to them. im the person you can talk to about your ex, your problems, your health, anything that troubles you. people come to me. people trust me not to say anything to anyone. simply because i couldnt care less. sure i sympathize/empathize, and listen of course. but im also the comic relief. i make jokes alot, to make people feel better, because sure. im a good person for compassion and comfort, but not as me.

no one ever loves me and cares about me. no one knows me. i'm so weird for stalking i guess my ex repost and this one other girls repost. i'm so weird. bye. someone talk to me. i'm retiring the old navy clothes.

I liked this guy. Found him on my old Schools Instagram. He's a hot. And sweet. He lied my ex best friend. And me. But he wanted to like me more than her. We planned with date. Then he had a mental episode and it never happened. This was in June. In july, we reconnected and talked, saying we didn't like each other. Neither of us were convincing. I get ghosted again. Try texting a different guy. He responds. Find out from my other ex best friend he has a girlfriend. Here's where today comes in. I don't feel the rejection until weeks later or a day later. And it HIT a day later. When he followed me on insta. And a week from that, IT HURTS. I even texted him a couple days ago about some stupid couple I saw and hated at a McDonald's. No response. Half my reposts are about him. Idc if he finds out. It's the day before my bffs birthday party and her cousin, the ex bff who told me he had a gf is gonna be there and I'm crying over some stupid guy. I just want to be like my friend with a bf.

Its getting bad again. I thought it was getting better. I thought I could escape..why now..? Why me..?

i'm such a sad person. with sad ideas and thoughts. i want someone to talk to so badly. i want to be comforted so badly. i'm a real fucking bitch!!! why does no one want that !! wtf! im a a real fucking bitch. if u don't want a real fucking bitch wtf do h want then? i don't have think of little fairy tails like getting married and having kids! i'm not fucking childish for not thinking that! i'm a real fucking bitch, none of that shit is going to happen tf. i'm mature asf for not wanting that shit,l. i love all of you deep down! lovedddd**** deep down. i have a weird way of showing it.. but if all of u can come back and talk to me that would be great. because deep down i just need someone to talk to. man fuck love. i use people to get comfort for 20mins then i dip. but then im back cs wtf you're amazing and i talk again. and then i dip. the topics i talk about are real asf.. raw asf. if u can't handle that bitch wtf ur not for me what! i'm such a sad person. with a sad life.

I want to be free, I want to drift far away where no one can find me. But i dont want to leave my family. Yet they made. me feel this way. What am i supposed to do now. Im ruined. I tried everything to help myself. Yet i dont want to ask anyone for help. I help myself. Goodbye

Why am i not getting the hugs, the kisses, the cheers. I did what i was supposed to. Thats not fair. Will it ever be me?

One day, someone will listen to me

Maybe it is me. That im the problem. Ever since i was 4 years old. I had this "best friend". Throught our years together, she has taught me one thing. Dont trust everything you hear. She made me learn that lesson. Getting me involved in drama. And I was the victim. All the time. Having to solve the problems that weren't mine at 8 years old. I matured at a very young age, and ever since then, I had trust issues. At a birthday party, I was told to go. I didn't want to go. My "bestfriend" had just left the school, but she was the only person i actually talked to. Yet i was forced to go. Standing beside my dad. And then he asked me "why dont you go play with your classmates" I told him i didnt want to. That i dont talk to them. Then he snapped and told me, "have you ever thought you were the problem, you need to grow up". My heart shattered. My mom had pulled up in the parking lot after he said it. And i ran. As fast as i could. Got in her car and cried. She then kicked me out of the car..

I really hope one day I'll be free. Maybe one day I will grow wings.

You know what? I am so tired of people saying either 'AI will take my/your job/jobs' or 'AI is a useless slop machine' when both those views are far too blunt to be useful. For some reason everyone hates me when I say stuff made *with but not by* AI will be superior to stuff made either with AI dependency (usually not high quality or high factuality) or no AI at all (extremely slow). AI is better at producing candidates but not good at telling whether you've made a mistake due to a shallow 'causal worldview' - I use AI a lot, and it tends to make correlation-causation fallacies rather than understanding cause and effect? I am an academic, and I use AI to basically shallowly explore a direction or proof to see if it's fruitful. It's like a sounding line, it (in me experience, which may be limited) doesn't give you a 3d experience, but it tells you how far a rabbit hole goes.

I wanna die. But sometimes I dont. And I feel guilty. And I wish I could just go to sleep and not ever wake up. And I feel like shit. And I can't get out of bed. And I can't eat. And I can't move. And I'm just there. And that's it.

i wish i was as pretty and attractive as my friends, its a humiliation ritual just walking next to them