All Rants

This might sound weird but I have a high school alter ego of myself with a totally different name, different personality, different talents, even different place growing up, etc. I even started writing a story on wattpad about it for a little while, to make it feel more real. I think about it (not obsessively) to the point where I've started feeling light nostalgia for things I've never done, or even feeling a little sad her friends and family aren't real on my timeline. Sometimes when I feel bad or need motivation, I pretend to be her... relatable or not, idk, but it makes me feel nice

I hated my family especially my mom and dad, they are religiously strict. My dad was never in my life emotionally, sure it was child-parent work day but it feels like my dad was always busy. Now he is busy downstairs working on his projects, it feels lonely. your father hardly knows you anymore and its depressing knowing that he could have been a good father if he had done something more. But no, never went to my 8th grade promotion. The only moments was him drunk always yapping to my mom and him blowing up on everyone. My mom would never talk to me, its usual dry and its just usual conversations like "how's your day?" mom - "good." And she would send me reels its just two reels of memes saying your mom said "how's your day" and the son saying "good." I don't say good. I say whatever happened in school. I feel like isn't proud of me, anymore just useless garbage in the trash floating away in a sea of despair. She hardly talks to me anymore after everything, and this is my mom.

i hate people who just dont have the sense of urgency, responsibility, dont act their age, dont act mature. how are they able to live up to where they are now while acting like baby adults? it's frustrating, i wouldnt care if it wont affect me, but it does. how are they so inconsiderate?

I don't think I'll make it after my summer holidays

why do people keep giving mixed signals when they know someone likes them, even when they’re already in a relationship like bro what is the point

Im a horrible person. I was always weird and I never new how to talk to ppl normally. And when this girl started talking to me every day it was genuinely the best times of my life. And shes been my bsf fir 4 years. But she started becoming like depressed or something and she kinda avoided me and I noticed her hanging out eith other ppl and smoking and wtv so I freaked out and started copying her so she would like me again. But i kept copying more and more till I couldn't do anything without her. And she was so tired of it. I didnt even notice how bad she was doing. I was so focused about how to make myself more like her that I didnt even notice that she just wanted someone ti see her and notice her. Thats mostly what I think she felt cuz we stopped being friends after someone told me that she was doing so bad and I offered her help but obviously she refused cuz I was just horrible. And I miss her so much. Its been 7 months since we stopped talking. I miss her so much.

I'm too nice or I'm a dick. I'm too clingy or I'm not present enough. I'm stupid or I'm an intellectual show-off. I'm fat and should be ashamed or I'm not body-positive enough. I'm annoying or I'm too quiet. I'm too self-centered or I'm too accommodating. I'm too sensitive or I'm insensitive. I'm too queer for women, not queer enough for men. All I hear when I get from these messages is that I'm not enough for anyone. And you know what? That's fine. If I'm not enough of whatever the hell you want me to be, then I'm going to focus on the person I am enough for: me. If that means writing everyone off, then so be it. I'm done trying to please people who are never fucking happy with anything I do.

I miss you. It's been about 3 and a half weeks since you left. You left without saying a word. You only left 2 things with me. The faintest scent of that perfume you sprayed on your neck, that I could identify as readily as the smell of rain, and the aching void of your memory. I know we had something. I know it. We were singing songs of our love for eachother. We were intertwined in body and soul. But I guess I should have known... I guess it was long-distance, thousands of miles between us, but every time we called, it felt as if you were laying in my bed beside me. I loved you. I know you're ignoring me, but why? Please, tell me. What did I do? Did I say something wrong? What did I do that made you go away? I still play our songs, but not as quickly now. Not as energetically now. I play them slower. I play them softer. They're just a distant memory now.

My sister called me racist 11 years ago for something that wasn't even racist. I just didn't understand the concept of white privilege because I was being treated like utter crap by everyone despite being white (turns out that was down to not having neurotypical privilege, but I didn't know I was autistic at the time). Since then I've been looking for opportunities to call her racist so we can get even. I'm so annoyed, I had the perfect opportunity to get back at her today when she referred to locs as "dreadlocks" which I've heard some people say is racist. But I chickened out. I know it would have caused drama, but it would also have been very satisfying seeing her face when I call her racist. It's okay though. I have kept bringing up the racist thing she said when she was 9 to get back at her. I reckon she remembered what she said all along and was just calling me racist to make herself feel better about it.

I tried to commit when I was.. in my early years. Before teens. And I hate remembering that day because. I suffer from MDD And go through depressive phases. And that day, I was happy but then turned sad instantly. I was home alone and started taking photos of me down, starting putting on the ones that have me in them and I went upstairs and took a bunch of my mom's sleeping pills. I remeber my legs hurting and falling asleep. And I would wake up to my mom yelling at me because I took down my photos, she told me that those photos weren't mine to take down and she was mad that I did that. She forced me to grab the photos and return them downstairs. To which I did and I could barely walk, my legs were hurting which I assume was from the heavy medication. And that day was the worst because my mom and other person. Was mad at me and I could barely walk, whole body felt cold and numb. I would end up sleeping but I also hate that day because nobody asked if I were okay.

Do yall ever hate just being average at something? Like, you're significantly good at it, but you're not great. You're just not noticeable enough.

He's not the man I fell in love with. And I feel like a right POS for staying with him, but I still feel there's hope. But I'm absolutely terrified my friends will find out about what he says. Thankfully he knows to keep his opinions to himself around them, but I'm still scared they'll find out. When I first met him, he was a total leftist. Now he won't stop going on about how Islam will take over the country. Or moaning about Palestine or Hamas. Or how trans women using the women's loos is a threat to women's safety (I keep pointing out that I'm the woman here so I would know more about what makes us feel unsafe). He also constantly plays right wing videos out loud when we're together. If he thinks he can influence me with that he can think again. It's his friend, he's a bad influence. He's convinced him that these particular YouTube channels hold the truth. I really don't think my man is hateful, just totally misinformed. I can fix him.

I quit self harm and started taking care of myself more, although I still feel this empty void everyday, I don’t get it. I thought that I was getting better, but there’s always a piece of me missing.

i wanna play games online with people but i get so shy and anxious every time i try to talk to someone and it's genuinely pissing me off 😢 i'm so lonellllyyyyyuuhhhh

im so fucking mentally unstable but the only therapists my family would allow me to have are Christian (since everyone else is secular or smth) and it pisses me off so bad I just cant with this shit anymore bro im atheist as hell

Im such a shitty person for saying but, I found you annoying.Im sorry. Texting u everyday got tiring calling with you everyday, playing games with you everyday. It just got annoying. Im complaining yes I know and I hate myself for it. I Know some people crave for this kind of friendship and moreover Im rly ranting about nothing. But u don’t know who I am and this is a place for ranting.. Yes, I was happier chilling in my room enjoying and discovering hobbies and myself yes I found comfort and peace with myself and never craved for someone to be with me. While I heard you guys wishing we could hangout and that it was boring without us. I was happy and relieved that none of that happened. It’s weird and shitty that Im saying all this sorry

why does it feel like everyone secretly hates me?? i didn’t ask for any of this. i’m just trying to start my life over and i can’t catch a break. i seem to just irritate everyone no matter what i do. i try to be so kind and understanding and not show how i’m feeling. i try to just fake smile and keep it pushing. i can’t keep living like this. i just wanted a fresh start. it’s always going back to feeling alone. i have nowhere to go, nobody to cry to.

Uhm. I won't say my age but im in middle school. I still..play with my poop. I have no diagnoses at this time. I am disgusted by myself btw. Is this like signs of any mental issues in me??? This is hard to admit. I've been like this for a while now.

OK, so this might not be a lot, but it’s been bugging me. So I was in line at Dairy Queen and it’s like this mob of people and there’s just one guy in the middle of the counter on a kiosk taking orders. And I don’t know what side the line starts from and there’s two doors so I start from one of the doors and just kind of like find a line and then I get up to the counter and I start ordering and the guy behind me goes. “ it’s OK. She just cut in front of the whole line. It starts over there.” And I go.”oh, I’m sorry. I thought it started from over there.” And I walked to the end of the other line even though I was there before the stupid guy and I end up just waiting double the time because this guy is an asshole and could’ve just told me I was in the wrong spot. Like OK boomer you’re a dick. Thanks for ruining my day. Like he could’ve just told me it started at the other end of the room instead of just yelling at a fucking teenager when he looks 50 and looks like he’s a child beater

If I tell people about my problems I constantly think that they will use it against me, like in school what if they use it as a rumour and it spreads across the whole school?these are friends I’ve known for 7-9 years yet I still have a thought in the back of mind saying what if they betray you? It’s why I don’t really tell anyone about my health and stuff and the times I did I instantly regretted what I said and would keep on repeating that day in my head and get in a panicked frenzy. I don’t think I even fully trust my friends at all. Yet they’ve been the best and kindest people I’ve known. I really think it wouldve been best if they hadn’t met me.