All Rants

I'm so useless and lazy. I can't eat without my stomach aching. I can't do something for 20 minutes straight without feeling like I'm completely and totally exhausted. My mom hurt her back and I can't even do the dishes. She has a reason to not do them. But I'm just stuck on my couch being such a dramatic crybaby about the smallest things. I probably deserve to feel like this, anyway.

i'm so fucking annoyed right now. ohhhhh my god. i am cramping so bad i can barely move and my boyfriend has been on his game for literal hours now. i'm about to tweak oh my god. and he keeps mentioning his ex like oh ok.

i can’t admit that im lesbian or bisexual im not even homophobic i just can’t seem to support myself i know i like girls n i like guys too ig but i know i definitely like girls but i js can’t bring myself to admit it or say it bc everytime i do, i start feeling “straight” n i feel like a fake lesbian bc bisexual just doesn’t feel right lesbian does but i still like guys

i feel so mfkn stupid i can’t stop thinking abt my ex ik she treated me so bad n cheated on me w a guy even tho she’s “lesbian”, plus she kind of a pedo idk if it counts since i was 13 n she was 16 when we met i still want her from time to time she treated me so good before she cheated n we never had an argument ever its corny but i loved when she called me her princess or her baby even tho she ruined my trust for her i can’t get her out of my head like the way she called me sexy n the way she said my name i miss it sm nothing will ever compare to her but i have to move on i js can’t i’ve dated so much girls n guys after her but she’s always the one i think of at the end of the day

when will it be my turn to meet my bsf like everyone talks about how they met their bsf in middle school or high school when will it be me? im so sick of these bitches using me cs they know im loyal n i always defend my friends, no matter what but when i need to be defended im all alone i js wish it was my turn to meet a girl who will do as much as i will for her n that’s way more important to me than having a bf or some shit

Don't know who to be mad at, Unity Engine makers or Malware douchebags.

i hate all my friends so fucking much they always say i’m their “bsf” but their actions don’t show it. i only have one bsf n she’s the sweetest girl ever, she knows everything about me n she still stayed i love her sm i am so done being the one who tries to include evb, but when it’s me, nobody cares nobody ever cares to ask if im okay or if i wanna talk because when they do, its js some dude who’s gonna ask for my nudes after i know my friends talk shit when i’m not there but i’d never do that shit to them they love joking about my past right in my fucking face as if i don’t have feelings as well i really hope the worst for them in their life all i ever do is defend them, comfort them, do things for them when they’re scared, i sacrifice my freedom to hang out w them, n i get nothing in return im js a third wheel in this fuckass “trio”

If people in Anchorage Diamond Mall dont know how to lock fucking bathroom stalls then they deserve to be beat for their stupidity.

Sometimes I scroll through my contacts for hours looking for someone to talk to. Those hours are wasted crying alone.

I’m so tired of everything- specifically my parents. For starters, I have many siblings (I won’t say just because someone I know might know) and the age range is preteen to young adult. School is starting soon and I asked my parents if I could bring my phone to school. I am not a freshman so I’ve obviously been to school before but I’ve never been allowed to bring my phone to school. My siblings though, have been allowed to- even the youngest one. I asked and my dad immediately said no. When I asked why, he ignored me and just walked away. Literally all I wanted is to be able to listen to music on the bus but god forbid I’m allowed to do the one thing I want. I know it sounds dramatic but shit like this always happens where they say no to me but yes to everyone else. I’m sick of it and I feel like I should be rewarded this one thing since I’m literally the only one out of us who cares about our grades and life.

I'll never pass for any other gender. I'll always be seen as a girl. I'll never be enough for my dad. I'll always make my mom sad. I'll never deserve my girlfriend, the kindness she shows me. All their struggles will always be worse than mine. I'll always be just overreacting. I'll never be good enough at art. I'll always be ugly, no matter what clothes I wear. I'll always cut myself. I'll always be disgusting. I'll always skip back into old habits. I'll always want to die.

I have an eating disorder I’m pretty sure, starving and throwing up is semi normal to me, but when my mom found out I track my calories with an app she made a joke not even a day later when I tried to give the rest of my food to someone else she said ‘She’s just at her calorie limit’, I was disgusted, today she got mad at me again, and asked me if I was taking my meds because I was always moody, is that why you want me to take my meds, so you don’t have to deal with any negative emotions I have, thanks, not to mention she said she was going to take to my therapist about it and I said that it was fine and she knew about the app but I had never actually told her, I hope I can just get away with saying I briefly mentioned it to my therapist, hopefully it will work but honestly who knows, if things get bad I’ll say smt but idk how this works

netherlands is a fucking shit country, people here are all mentally ill. all karen's of the world live here. Fuck netherlands, they also think they know better than others while they don't and don't even realize this.

i hate ALL my friends. why does NO ONE care for me when IVE always been there for them and cared for them. even my closest friends, as i always reach out for them first. they piss me OFF SO FUCKING BADLY. i get that they have their own problems. i should be thinking that way every time i feel this way, yet im still feeling this HATE towards them. i cant even fit anywhere either. i fucking hate this. i hate this so much. why the fuck am i like this. why is everyone leaving me to the dust when i try and try to get them to fit in, to vent their problems to me, etc. i hate the people in my area.

So much is going on rn and I am so stressed but can’t seem to say no to peoples plans and I feel bad. But it is killing me and idk what to do I’ve been crying all day.

I just unscrewed the pencil sharpener and relapsed AGAIN. God, I'm such a fucking pathetic human being. Nothing even really happened to trigger it, I just wanted to feel something. I fucking hate myself for that. I'm such a horrible human being, I don't understand why anyone ever tries to understand or love me. I'm so fucking worthless. And the blood is seeping through my clothing. Great. If anything, I'll just blame it on my period.

Some litteral angel just sent me a note and im sobbing my fucking eyes out. You may know who you are, you may not, but you genuinely just saved my life. Thank you so much, I wish everything in life goes well for you. -K, ps: the advice about the relationships was actually so helpful <3

I'm scared to go outside because of all the people out there

I saw a comment on my recent rant and yes I relate to you so much, I took two classes in healthcare in high school, got CPR certified. completed 100 hours at my local hospital, and took a seminar class about public health. and yet my dream is to have a business, someone in law, or to be someone in psychology. The thing is when I say something about the three of my dreams they would dismiss it or say "why did you ever take a healthcare class when you could take criminal justice? Why didn't you take a psychology class or whatever fucking class" and I sit there going thinking "this is why I feel unsupported," like not every single decision or thought that I think has to be either malicious or negative. It can be "Oh wow you wanted to do this? Well we can certainly try doing this." I don't know it feels like I am introspecting into my own parents parenting and that made me feel shitty. BUT THIS IS MY FUTURE, YOU CAN DISRESPECT MY BOUNDARIES, ME, AND MY FRIENDS BUT THIS IS MY FUTURE.

I just want a friend. I sit in my room isolated and rotting all day. I have no one to even connect with. Please why can't the universe just help me this once.