All Rants

Whatever Utopian system you thought would change society based on the inherent goodness of reasonable men has failed.

ive been living with constant body dysmorphia since the 2nd grade as im going into 12th. i have recently came out to my mom about this because shes been there and learned how to accept me coming out as lesbian, but all she said was "i dont know why kids and making this dumb trend about wanting to be a boy" and it made me realize that shes no different than my homophobic father, and that if i do go and change for me to be happy, she nor him would accept it. i feel gross in my own skin, i scratch at it hoping to be freed, ive cut it because it was the only way that made me feel like i was going to crawl out of it, im not well, my body is sick, im dying from anemia, and the least i wished for was for my mom to support me and realize how her words made me feel more disgusted with my own skin and mind, i hate this anatomy i was given, especially if it gives my father the "right" to comment on what a woman is supposed to do. clean and cook. its all he says. now then, farewell.

I wish not everyone was able to be a parent. I wish people actually learnt to take care of their kids emotionally rather than just physically. I hate how people expect so much of teenagers but turn around to be disappointments when the teenager expects something from them. To all bad parents out there, I hope you rot in the sadness you made your child feel while they were growing up having to tolerate you and everything you did because they felt like they would be helpless without you. I hope you remember every time they looked you with that sadness and betrayal in their eyes when they realized that the people who brought them to here and are meant to protect them will do nothing but hurt them. I hope you remember the moment they left your life and that the slight emptiness you felt then keep growing and growing untill there's nothing left for it to consume. I hope you realize how much hurt you made them feel and pick your ass up to make yourself a better person.

I used to want to be alone but now I want to be with someone who understands me. My other half will never understand me. I was young and gullible when I met him and I fell into his trap. He pretended he had a lot in common with me and was super nice to me. But later I realized we have nothing in common and he just pretended. And when family responsibilities got too much for him, he decided to seek someone else and he’s such a coward he couldn't even tell me and I had to confront him when I found out. He then tells me he changed but of course that was another lie.

Yesterday my mother told me that she always compares me to herself. I always knew. In everything I did, whether good or bad she would always compete. If I said I was stressed out she would list all the things she had to do just to prove she has more. If I was doing the dishes or even in the shower she would talk about how much faster she is than me. So no I'm not surprised, so I told her not to. Why do you and Dad keep doing that? I'm so tired of always having to meet up to something. I'm tired of always being reminded of how inadequate I am. Being told how slow I am, how lazy I am, how ignorant I am, how disrespectful I am, it's exhausting. And then you have the audacity to lie to me saying that it's all for the best? I read to you today a story I wrote about a mother who always criticized her child and how the child ended up. I wanted it to be a cautionary tale, but I forgot that you both are emotionally immature people that will never be able to empathize with anyone.

You’re too greedy. You want a family so you have something to show for. But you also want to just go out and have your fun and look for other women. You’re so old now and you try to say you are not “doing anything”. Like you’d tell me if you’re “doing something” right.

I hope you had fun with your fake friends. I hope you enjoyed being their chauffeur. I hope you don’t talk to me and try to buy me stuff because you feel guilty.

I haven't told this to anyone and I haven't even agreed to have this conversation with myself but I felt like I needed to say it somewhere. I hate my father. I hate the way he treats my siblings and mother. I hate that he treats me like stupid child that doesn't know shit. I hate that he underestimates what I've been through and how messed my life has been. I hate that he excuses him ignoring me for weeks by saying that he just isn't as good as having conversations as my grandfather. I hate how strict he is. I hate how scary he can get. I hate it when he touches me. I hate that he has to touch me to ask me to move aside. I hate that he has to touch me at all. He has his good qualities sure, but unless he fixes it, his bad qualities outweigh his good ones. I hate how egotistical he is thinking that he's above basic child care manners like cooking and cleaning after your kids or being there for them emotionally. I hate my father and vow to never be like him to my kids if I have any

i just want to be left alone sometimes... i wish i can just cut off all connections for a while without any consequences ik it sounds bad but i enjoy my own company and everyone else can just screw off i hate how we are social animals

I hate being like this like bro a tornado is NOT going to form, NOBODY is coming for you, NO you don’t have ovarian cancer because you missed a few periods, NO the car you’re riding in won’t crash, NO nobody’s watching you through your webcam you don’t need to alter the way you hold your phone just so the camera’s covered, nobody is going to crash their car into your room, a tree won’t fall on your mother’s room, the dude parked outside isn’t going to break in and kill you so put down the knife, the cat’s not dead she’s just sleeping deeply, they’re not laughing at you they’re just having a conversation, NO that clicking noise is not a faulty wire sparking, etc etc etc etc ughhhhh

i hate how much i assume like i jump to conclusions so fucking fast its unreal ive never EVER met a single person who does this even the smallest change in behaviour of one of my friends will make me think that i did something bad and they dont like me anymore even though i know its all in my head but god i hate it the most i can do is tell myself its in my head and forget about it but then i start overthinking and its so frustrating i wish i wasnt like this i wish i didnt overthink every small change ty for reading

Sometimes I think that everyone’s life would get better if I’m gone. My parents won’t have to worry about me and can sell the house for their retirement. My sister can get on with her life and have a baby instead of hanging around with me every weekend. My best friend could finally travel without having to wait for me until I can save up. I feel selfish for having these thoughts even though it seems selfless. I think my fav cousin would cry though. I’d hate to do that to her.

i hate the summer i hate how hot it is outside i love nature but the heat is exhausting and its a hassle to even go out i hate how summer always forces me to stay indoors and my parent is literally so sensitive to the cold so half the time the ac cant even be on and im just burning and sweating everyday i cant wait for fall to come so i can finally go outside and to make matters worse my mind is literally always talking and never shut up and i cant even control my own thoughts and the only way for it to be quiet for a moment is if i go outside but i cant because of the stupid heat god i wish summer never existed i know this rant might sound privileged compared to other rants but i need to get this off my chest or else i am going to fricking explode

i just want tofeel at peace pleasea i wish my sturglges would go away now pleasep iodt nwaont aohwtit oitoutjoutoutouttjtjrjrjrjrjrjrjrjrjrjrjrjrttrrttrrjrjrjjrjrjrjrjrjrjrjrjjrjrjsllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddimdofyitrrfimdoyitrfimdoyitrf

I start school in two days and I'm hoping my relationship will go back to normal. For the last 3 weeks my gf has been super distant bc of stress from 2 very important life changes. She doesn't text me all day until I text her, she doesn't ask to call and she'll leave me on delivered or read for hours. I know that when she's stressed she shuts down and doesn't like to be super clingy when she feels this way, hell she's even said that because we don't see each other everyday it's like an "out of sight out of mind" type thing and I'm trying to be super patient with her and I'm trying not to be annoying but it hurts me more everyday she does this but I'm scared to talk to her about it because I don't want to be another thing she has to worry about and I don't want it to be some kind of last straw and she breaks up with me. I don't want to lose her. this post makes her sound evil but she's literally the most amazing person ever & the one I want to marry. idk what to do.

i think the only thing keeping me alive right now is the thought of my absence i have people who care about me i have a good life and if i killed myself it would all be for nothing i would rather pretend i’m not wasting away than have my loved ones bury me

just let me be the fuck alone.

does anyone even still want me here? no one acts like it. actions are big. especially the bad ones. reminder to everyone: think before you speak- think about what you are saying, what is this helping, if you are just speaking to speak, if it has a point- and most importantly-, how will affect that person that you are saying it to?

i hate stupid noises so much and I'm not just talking about chewing noises or typing- i do hate thos to tho. every. single. noise. annoys. me. my mom always gets mad at me and she is just such a huge problem in my life all together. she causes me so much pain. this isn't the main thing that makes her make me want to kill myself, but every single thing that she does she makes a noise. Typing- her nails are hitting the screen at every letter. Walking- her flip flops and their stupid noise annoy me. Her breathing- her breathing is so heavy and i can hear the air going through each and every booger she has in her nose, struggling to get out. my dad breaths even worse though. there is a super simple way to do everything without making those annoying noises. I have super sensitive ears, so they probably don't even relize it, but i do. and when i bring it up to them they get so mad at me and tell me just to ignore it. i can. it is so bad. i can' handle it anymore. i hate this.

I’ve been struggling with postpartum depression for 2 years now I haven’t gotten better Ive pushed away and disrespected the people who “would” care about me. I have no family to lean on for support, I’ve honestly just realized how little resources I have and it’s been hard having constant negative thoughts of maybe I’m better off not here anymore. I’m trying so hard I really am I just don’t know how much more I can do dealing with this