All Rants

What's something about the world today that makes you feel hopeless? Something I recently have come to terms with is that thought that as much power you can feel, there can always be a downside. For example some people can feel on top of the world but I feel hopeless. Today is so sad because it’s around everyone else, TikTok, insta, snap, Reddit, literally any app. Twitter, Facebook. All feeds the same thing and yes they all play a part. The more petty I get the more I wanna just Throw away. And I realize so many things are feeding egos. I feel hopeless because everyone wants validation or friends or follows. Or an aesthetic. Or a true friend. When all I wanted after everything or everytime I got rejected by so many people, all I want is peace with myself. I’m not meant to be seen or admired by my peers. I’m meant to be the admirer. It’s sad for my child self who believed she would be so popular and pretty. But it’s hopeless. It’s one way or another

I hurt my ex girlfriend and want to get back with her more than anything. She says I disgust her and I want to make things right. I wronged her and made a stupid decision on impulse and want to prove I can make it up to her. I love her more than anything else on the planet, and it makes me miserable every day knowing I hurt her. I've considered taking my life but I don't want to hurt her anymore. I can't explain everything here properly, if there's anybody willing to listen to me it would be greatly appreciated.

What's a moment with someone you care about that left you feeling misunderstood? So many times this has happened. I remember the biggest one when I remember feeling like my sight or idk a crack in my mind. I was outside on the sidewalk with my dad and my uncle. We were just vibing since my dad was stopping by bc my uncle was in town. I was about to be a freshman. And I got invited to a really good highschool where u can graduate with an associates and you will be ahead. But at that time, I was so sad and so depressed I was going through hard things in my head. All I wanted was to go to my neighborhood school and start with everyone else I went to middle school with, bc I wanted to be young and drink and whatever. I remember looking to my uncle about it and asking for his thoughts, he said something along the lines of “these people won’t matter and you will be ahead”. I asked my dad so many times LET ME GO TO MY NEIGHBORHOOD SCHOOL. Always no no no. They always look at me like I was dum

What's a moment at work or school where you felt completely invisible? Always. All throughout school I felt invisible. 🫥 like I was either embarrassed. Felt like a idk what it’s called but I was always chasing someone. Or idk 🤷‍♀️ felt left out. Nothing special happened to me in school and I still believe im in puberty and im about to graduate lol. 😂 so im still the same person I was two years ago. I remember one time in middle school. I was so embarrassed of my friend group, everyone else has perfect friends who were all gorgeous and I wanted that so bad so I was following people on insta talking to them irl but they would literally just think I’m even weirder than I felt. I was friends with lesbians and they were just so like idk their language and dressing embarrassed me. When I didn’t feel that way. I wanted to be gorgeous and they never left me alone and yet I stuck with them bc no one else wanted to be friends…

I hate everyone. I can’t anymore, I’m done.

I’m really tired. Everything is just my fault apparently? I genuinely can’t go without a day being blamed for simply existing. I hate this family, and I’m only a teen. I shouldn’t have to experience this as someone who’s still having a childhood. It’s like everything is against me. Is everyone just a bitch or am I the bitch? I don’t have anything to deal with whatever situation is happening, so why add more fuel to the fire? This happens so frequently that I can’t deal with their bs anymore. I’m so sick and tired of everything, do I really deserve this? Is this truly my fate?

I’m soooo angry at myself, I keep revisiting same stupid cycle of overworking myself and this time I DIDNT EVEN MEAN FOR IT TO HAPPEN! I chose a job I thought was gonna be easy af and I even gave my schedule, but somehow, I accepted full time hours and long ass hours and it’s been killing me seriously and now I had the opportunity to switch to part time, cuz I also found a different part time job close to home and within my field of study And I asked if I could work 2-3 days, I wanted to only work 2 days but ended up saying I could work 3 days just because I felt sympathetic at how my work place seemed to needed help (it probably didn’t but my dumb ass just wanted to be helpful) so now i feel so stupid cuz I’ve now over booked my schedule to accommodate both jobs and I’m so annoyed right now and annoyed that I keep putting myself in stupid situations where I risk burn out, where I’m over working, where I’m in environments that don’t serve me, like ugh I’m so unbelievably frustrated

Like 👍 everything’s just hitting me. I don’t know why my body is so weak. Why can’t I just do what I want? What am I up against? Myself? Nothing? Everything? Like I hate my generation. Like it almost feel like everything will never go the way I want. I even got pets for myself because obviously they’re support animals… but like even then u can’t take as good care as u want to because maybe you can’t work yet or so many things. Like…don’t get me wrong I am so grateful I was Christian all my life…. I know what life is supposed to be like. And even then Christianity was freaking hard and it felt as if nothing was going for me. Things got worse and idk I was not rewarded… like everyone just undermines everything. And I’m starting to realize the importance of the people in your environment…like a lot. Because everyone’s letting me down.

I have a friend I consider my older brother and he's a very thoughtful as in thinks deeply person. Im not he likes to share his emotions and feelings a lot more than me and thats fine. Ill share every now and again. He knows I've had trauma and that I laugh about it now but he thinks its eating me away and taking up room in my head without talking about it. How do I prove im really ok? He just wants to help but when I feel fine how do i let someone help? We're also 15 and 19 not the easiest age for deep feelings.

i want a relationship, not platonic. idk why i feel this need rn. i want to talk to all my exs, everyone in the past. talking to a friend doesn't feel like it'll fill the hole i feel rn. i want someone to validate me and love me, even if it's fake i want it. that's all i want rn

Idk. 🤷‍♀️ I don’t think some people are fully conscious. Like when I look at some people I’m like…what are u really thinking??? Why are so so cold?? Every friend I made hurt me, every crush I had was a fail. Every idk chance I thought I had was fake. I don’t know what people want?? At this point I give up. I give up on them, on rules, on who I SHOULD be. I give up. You won. 🥇 I’m mad, I’m hurt. I’m alone, I’m lonely. I’m lustful, I’m not going to please you. I feel so many things, I’m tired of trying to belong. I never was, I just wanted a fun time. Everyone wants the same thing, to be known, to do drugs, to send n**des, to chase trends. I even like deleted insta… like that’s sad. 😔 but it’s not sad if you just stop caring. At this point if you really want me, you’ll have me. It’s not like I won’t be in public or even be watching TikTok. I’m here. Period.

I'm sad and I hurt myself too and I'm depressed and I'm 12

I need my dad. He's been dead for 5 years. He'll show up in my dreams but ill get some sort of nightmare or punishment in them if I hug him or touch him. Its not fair why take a kids dad. I was 10 I didn't deserve that.

thats the part nobody warns you about how somebody can make you feel like youre their whole world one day then wake up and treat you like you were never even part of it all them late nights all the shit you told each other all the promises all the “i love you”s and somehow they can just shut the door and keep walking like none of it ever happened no funeral no goodbye no fucking explanation youre just gone from their life while youre still sitting there trying to figure out how somebody you wouldve burned the world for became comfortable watching you disappear thats what makes people evil to me not leaving how fucking easy they can make it look

like i wanna be independent but also scared to be independent idk if only i can be independent but not have stressors holy shit

Ive been masturbation free right now for 3 days. Ive been doing it without realizing since I was 10 and am now 15. Stopping is really hard and I have gotten so used to it watching porn and reading kinks on Tumblr. Im determined to stop this time.

I feel like boys are boys. I’m literally going to turn lesbian… it’s not like I have a reason not to. Boys are fuckinf basic nowadays. Maybe they think I’m too much or I stand out so much. But every situation ship I had, I was always let down. My heart was pierced, and your heart isn’t that easy to heal. My life is bland. I don’t get the hype with everything in the USA. Everything’s so selective. And I feel weird for being actually thoughtful and not afraid.?? Do you want me to be scared? So you want me to change my whole life for you? I don’t get it.

A yearly festival I really love just ended and now I feel really low I met again some people I met last year at the festival and I was pleased to see they still remembered me and wanted me around their camp. it almost made me cry since I've always yearned for that big friend group that always does fun activities. I always thought it was too late for me, until they proved me wrong. And most especially I met someone (again) and this time things blurred between being strangers/ festival friends and something more. He says he's kind of involved with someone but I just can't believe everything we shared (even if it wasn't anything physical) was just because. we really connected spent everynight till morning talking and smoking under the stars. and for the first time in a long time I felt really understood and listened to without judgment. I was also finally able to look at someone in the eyes and feel they care about me. now all of this ends and I go back to my shitty life

I’m tired of always feeling like I have to tone myself down. I hate this state, this town, everyone here. All failed me. I went through so much as soon as I was born for about 14 years. No one fucng cared or did anything all they did was complain WHILE I was the one suffering. I couldn’t turn away… I’m done. I’m still holding myself back, there’s so many things wasted. I basically do nothing now. I mean maybe I wanna be a fckinf stripper when I’m older but what about all my other potential? I’m just mad. Everyone thinks they know me but they don’t. They really don’t. I wish people were humble where I’m at. I always have to give attention or GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE. DO THIS DO THAT. BLABLABLA. Like 😑👋. I’m really toning myself down I mean I really can’t be my fullness where I’m at. I hate it. I’m always sad.

Like everything so annoying my Spotify playlist isn’t hitting, I’m deleting so many games because everyone’s a crybaby online, I deleted my snap account with about 11k followers. I unfollowed everyone I knew on insta and removed them as followers too. I’m just annoyed. 😒 plus schools starting so I won’t be home all day anymore. I mostly likely will be lonely again like I want all my school years, just watching everyone else have someone. I think my taste is too specific, because nothing is inspiring me. But I mean at least I have only a year and a half left until I get to move and leave this place behind. My family. My state. My memories. My tears. My youth. My boredom. My hate. My insanity. Will all be away soon. I just wonder why wasn’t I able to shine? Why will I shine later? Idk. Like I’m not petty just self-reliant. I’ve learned my path for this part of my life, I know what I need to do, I wanna be left alone right now…