All Rants

I wish sometimes life wasn’t so centered on others

i hate how when something bad happens i just go back onto that stupid ai roleplay website to pretend to be the child of my favorite ship. those two characters would hate me irl, if i was their child they’d probably kill me for being such a disappointment. i hate how when something good is happening in my life something bad immediately happens after. i was doing so good, i had been off that website for two weeks but then i just had to go back on it. i’m so sick and tired of this cycle… im never going to beat this addiction… its actually probably too pathetic to be called an addiction… its just me being a fucking chad

STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS STOP IT YOU KNOW WHAT YOURE DOING STOP IT

I wish my family talked more. They probably think I want them to talk less but that’s the opposite. I think they need to talk more because if I wanted you to talk less then where would that get me.

What's something you have to deal with regularly that nobody else seems to understand? I’m always dealing with something that always seems only limited to me. I think my family wants me to prove myself because yes they admire me and have good feelings. But they’re waiting for something special to happen when o want them to realize that there’s nothing special happening. The things that’s happening is what’s happening now. I’m always putting on a show for my family because I grow so fast, I am very agile. Not adaptable. So when you can’t adapt to every fricking thing but you can somehow always pull through with it. Everyone starts to expect you to be spectacular but when you suffering. And just growing from your suffering. People usually grow from idk having a boyfriend or something normal. But I seem to only be admired after it’s something I have suffered through. And that doesn’t mean I was in the wrongs it’s usually me suffering from others faults.

What's something family expects of you that feels unfair? Everything. Literally everything. But unfair doesn’t mean bad. So many things can be unfair but sometimes there’s no other way. What I think is really unfair is how I’m always the ones dealing with unfair.

I just feel like a really shitty and lazy person right now. My father told me to clean something, and I thought it normally looked like that. After a little bit of bickering I just decide to go to the garage and get over with. Once I come back, he starts asking me why I didn’t want to wash it. I said that I think it normally looks, even when it’s clean. I start going back to my room. He then starts yelling me and cussing at me. A few minutes later, he gets my sister and tells us that he’s done of nagging us. He then leaves to get the milk or something idk. And here I am typing. I feel like it’s all my fault, if I just obeyed none of this would have never happened. I’m sorry I was born. I’m sorry for it all. I’m sorry I’m stubborn and lazy. Please forgive me. I should have never existed in the first place. And for those who think that’s a dumb reason to leave, I kind of left out some of those details. I’m sorry you had to read this. I am so very sorry.

im dont letting boys walk all over me im done im done im done

i wish girls ACTUALLY stuck by "girls support girls" bc in this highschool culture its completly bs. youre telling me ur a girls girl but sent a girls nudes around?? and dont get me started on friendgroups bc do one thing and theyll use it as an excuse to drop u and ruin ur entire highschool life. anyways if ur going into highschool ik it seems nice to have a friendgroup but it almost never sticks togther, find 3 good close friends and stick by them.

Like even worse the more people seem to want more validation the worse everything else gets. When u want validation EVERYONE follows ONE MAINSTREAM TREND. So when you want to idk 🤷‍♀️ do certain things, you just can’t do it in peace. Because everyone follows one thing. Like don’t be scared to be extra.

I feel like a bird in a cage. -LG

i seem to allow a lot of disrespect as someone who thrives for leaving men who don't treat me the way im supposed to be treated

What's something about the world today that makes you feel hopeless? Something I recently have come to terms with is that thought that as much power you can feel, there can always be a downside. For example some people can feel on top of the world but I feel hopeless. Today is so sad because it’s around everyone else, TikTok, insta, snap, Reddit, literally any app. Twitter, Facebook. All feeds the same thing and yes they all play a part. The more petty I get the more I wanna just Throw away. And I realize so many things are feeding egos. I feel hopeless because everyone wants validation or friends or follows. Or an aesthetic. Or a true friend. When all I wanted after everything or everytime I got rejected by so many people, all I want is peace with myself. I’m not meant to be seen or admired by my peers. I’m meant to be the admirer. It’s sad for my child self who believed she would be so popular and pretty. But it’s hopeless. It’s one way or another

I hurt my ex girlfriend and want to get back with her more than anything. She says I disgust her and I want to make things right. I wronged her and made a stupid decision on impulse and want to prove I can make it up to her. I love her more than anything else on the planet, and it makes me miserable every day knowing I hurt her. I've considered taking my life but I don't want to hurt her anymore. I can't explain everything here properly, if there's anybody willing to listen to me it would be greatly appreciated.

What's a moment with someone you care about that left you feeling misunderstood? So many times this has happened. I remember the biggest one when I remember feeling like my sight or idk a crack in my mind. I was outside on the sidewalk with my dad and my uncle. We were just vibing since my dad was stopping by bc my uncle was in town. I was about to be a freshman. And I got invited to a really good highschool where u can graduate with an associates and you will be ahead. But at that time, I was so sad and so depressed I was going through hard things in my head. All I wanted was to go to my neighborhood school and start with everyone else I went to middle school with, bc I wanted to be young and drink and whatever. I remember looking to my uncle about it and asking for his thoughts, he said something along the lines of “these people won’t matter and you will be ahead”. I asked my dad so many times LET ME GO TO MY NEIGHBORHOOD SCHOOL. Always no no no. They always look at me like I was dum

What's a moment at work or school where you felt completely invisible? Always. All throughout school I felt invisible. 🫥 like I was either embarrassed. Felt like a idk what it’s called but I was always chasing someone. Or idk 🤷‍♀️ felt left out. Nothing special happened to me in school and I still believe im in puberty and im about to graduate lol. 😂 so im still the same person I was two years ago. I remember one time in middle school. I was so embarrassed of my friend group, everyone else has perfect friends who were all gorgeous and I wanted that so bad so I was following people on insta talking to them irl but they would literally just think I’m even weirder than I felt. I was friends with lesbians and they were just so like idk their language and dressing embarrassed me. When I didn’t feel that way. I wanted to be gorgeous and they never left me alone and yet I stuck with them bc no one else wanted to be friends…

I hate everyone. I can’t anymore, I’m done.

I’m really tired. Everything is just my fault apparently? I genuinely can’t go without a day being blamed for simply existing. I hate this family, and I’m only a teen. I shouldn’t have to experience this as someone who’s still having a childhood. It’s like everything is against me. Is everyone just a bitch or am I the bitch? I don’t have anything to deal with whatever situation is happening, so why add more fuel to the fire? This happens so frequently that I can’t deal with their bs anymore. I’m so sick and tired of everything, do I really deserve this? Is this truly my fate?

I’m soooo angry at myself, I keep revisiting same stupid cycle of overworking myself and this time I DIDNT EVEN MEAN FOR IT TO HAPPEN! I chose a job I thought was gonna be easy af and I even gave my schedule, but somehow, I accepted full time hours and long ass hours and it’s been killing me seriously and now I had the opportunity to switch to part time, cuz I also found a different part time job close to home and within my field of study And I asked if I could work 2-3 days, I wanted to only work 2 days but ended up saying I could work 3 days just because I felt sympathetic at how my work place seemed to needed help (it probably didn’t but my dumb ass just wanted to be helpful) so now i feel so stupid cuz I’ve now over booked my schedule to accommodate both jobs and I’m so annoyed right now and annoyed that I keep putting myself in stupid situations where I risk burn out, where I’m over working, where I’m in environments that don’t serve me, like ugh I’m so unbelievably frustrated

Like 👍 everything’s just hitting me. I don’t know why my body is so weak. Why can’t I just do what I want? What am I up against? Myself? Nothing? Everything? Like I hate my generation. Like it almost feel like everything will never go the way I want. I even got pets for myself because obviously they’re support animals… but like even then u can’t take as good care as u want to because maybe you can’t work yet or so many things. Like…don’t get me wrong I am so grateful I was Christian all my life…. I know what life is supposed to be like. And even then Christianity was freaking hard and it felt as if nothing was going for me. Things got worse and idk I was not rewarded… like everyone just undermines everything. And I’m starting to realize the importance of the people in your environment…like a lot. Because everyone’s letting me down.