All Rants

Like 👍 everything’s just hitting me. I don’t know why my body is so weak. Why can’t I just do what I want? What am I up against? Myself? Nothing? Everything? Like I hate my generation. Like it almost feel like everything will never go the way I want. I even got pets for myself because obviously they’re support animals… but like even then u can’t take as good care as u want to because maybe you can’t work yet or so many things. Like…don’t get me wrong I am so grateful I was Christian all my life…. I know what life is supposed to be like. And even then Christianity was freaking hard and it felt as if nothing was going for me. Things got worse and idk I was not rewarded… like everyone just undermines everything. And I’m starting to realize the importance of the people in your environment…like a lot. Because everyone’s letting me down.

I have a friend I consider my older brother and he's a very thoughtful as in thinks deeply person. Im not he likes to share his emotions and feelings a lot more than me and thats fine. Ill share every now and again. He knows I've had trauma and that I laugh about it now but he thinks its eating me away and taking up room in my head without talking about it. How do I prove im really ok? He just wants to help but when I feel fine how do i let someone help? We're also 15 and 19 not the easiest age for deep feelings.

i want a relationship, not platonic. idk why i feel this need rn. i want to talk to all my exs, everyone in the past. talking to a friend doesn't feel like it'll fill the hole i feel rn. i want someone to validate me and love me, even if it's fake i want it. that's all i want rn

Idk. 🤷‍♀️ I don’t think some people are fully conscious. Like when I look at some people I’m like…what are u really thinking??? Why are so so cold?? Every friend I made hurt me, every crush I had was a fail. Every idk chance I thought I had was fake. I don’t know what people want?? At this point I give up. I give up on them, on rules, on who I SHOULD be. I give up. You won. 🥇 I’m mad, I’m hurt. I’m alone, I’m lonely. I’m lustful, I’m not going to please you. I feel so many things, I’m tired of trying to belong. I never was, I just wanted a fun time. Everyone wants the same thing, to be known, to do drugs, to send n**des, to chase trends. I even like deleted insta… like that’s sad. 😔 but it’s not sad if you just stop caring. At this point if you really want me, you’ll have me. It’s not like I won’t be in public or even be watching TikTok. I’m here. Period.

I'm sad and I hurt myself too and I'm depressed and I'm 12

I need my dad. He's been dead for 5 years. He'll show up in my dreams but ill get some sort of nightmare or punishment in them if I hug him or touch him. Its not fair why take a kids dad. I was 10 I didn't deserve that.

thats the part nobody warns you about how somebody can make you feel like youre their whole world one day then wake up and treat you like you were never even part of it all them late nights all the shit you told each other all the promises all the “i love you”s and somehow they can just shut the door and keep walking like none of it ever happened no funeral no goodbye no fucking explanation youre just gone from their life while youre still sitting there trying to figure out how somebody you wouldve burned the world for became comfortable watching you disappear thats what makes people evil to me not leaving how fucking easy they can make it look

like i wanna be independent but also scared to be independent idk if only i can be independent but not have stressors holy shit

Ive been masturbation free right now for 3 days. Ive been doing it without realizing since I was 10 and am now 15. Stopping is really hard and I have gotten so used to it watching porn and reading kinks on Tumblr. Im determined to stop this time.

I feel like boys are boys. I’m literally going to turn lesbian… it’s not like I have a reason not to. Boys are fuckinf basic nowadays. Maybe they think I’m too much or I stand out so much. But every situation ship I had, I was always let down. My heart was pierced, and your heart isn’t that easy to heal. My life is bland. I don’t get the hype with everything in the USA. Everything’s so selective. And I feel weird for being actually thoughtful and not afraid.?? Do you want me to be scared? So you want me to change my whole life for you? I don’t get it.

A yearly festival I really love just ended and now I feel really low I met again some people I met last year at the festival and I was pleased to see they still remembered me and wanted me around their camp. it almost made me cry since I've always yearned for that big friend group that always does fun activities. I always thought it was too late for me, until they proved me wrong. And most especially I met someone (again) and this time things blurred between being strangers/ festival friends and something more. He says he's kind of involved with someone but I just can't believe everything we shared (even if it wasn't anything physical) was just because. we really connected spent everynight till morning talking and smoking under the stars. and for the first time in a long time I felt really understood and listened to without judgment. I was also finally able to look at someone in the eyes and feel they care about me. now all of this ends and I go back to my shitty life

I’m tired of always feeling like I have to tone myself down. I hate this state, this town, everyone here. All failed me. I went through so much as soon as I was born for about 14 years. No one fucng cared or did anything all they did was complain WHILE I was the one suffering. I couldn’t turn away… I’m done. I’m still holding myself back, there’s so many things wasted. I basically do nothing now. I mean maybe I wanna be a fckinf stripper when I’m older but what about all my other potential? I’m just mad. Everyone thinks they know me but they don’t. They really don’t. I wish people were humble where I’m at. I always have to give attention or GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE. DO THIS DO THAT. BLABLABLA. Like 😑👋. I’m really toning myself down I mean I really can’t be my fullness where I’m at. I hate it. I’m always sad.

Like everything so annoying my Spotify playlist isn’t hitting, I’m deleting so many games because everyone’s a crybaby online, I deleted my snap account with about 11k followers. I unfollowed everyone I knew on insta and removed them as followers too. I’m just annoyed. 😒 plus schools starting so I won’t be home all day anymore. I mostly likely will be lonely again like I want all my school years, just watching everyone else have someone. I think my taste is too specific, because nothing is inspiring me. But I mean at least I have only a year and a half left until I get to move and leave this place behind. My family. My state. My memories. My tears. My youth. My boredom. My hate. My insanity. Will all be away soon. I just wonder why wasn’t I able to shine? Why will I shine later? Idk. Like I’m not petty just self-reliant. I’ve learned my path for this part of my life, I know what I need to do, I wanna be left alone right now…

In Memory of the Comrades of August Storm In August 1945, the Red Army launched Operation August Storm against the Japanese forces in Manchuria. After years of terrible war in Europe, Soviet soldiers once again marched into battle, this time across vast plains, mountains, rivers, and fortified positions. Many were veterans of the Great Patriotic War. They had survived Moscow, Stalingrad, Kursk, the liberation of Europe, and the final battles against fascism. Others had guarded the Far East throughout those difficult years. They fought with determination and discipline, advancing rapidly despite harsh terrain and enemy resistance. Some returned home. Others remained forever on foreign soil. We remember those comrades not as numbers on a map, but as sons, brothers, fathers, friends, and soldiers who carried the burden of their generation. Their war was finally ending. Their sacrifice must not be forgotten. Eternal memory to the fallen comrades of August Storm.

Idk 🤷‍♀️ I’m fed up with everything. I just wanna move away, my life’s boring… my family doesn’t do anything for me… when I go to school they leave me out and I clearly stand out. It’s annoying I went through so many years like this I’m so excited and just ready to go. I wasn’t meant to shine in these uears and it’s hard but I don’t have nothing to really prove rn. 🙃 everyone’s just also so emotional I hate it. Almost like everyone I meet I have to treat like a baby… even when it’s on snap… like just everyone feels like bots. And my family so self centered. I’m so excited to just go away and ghost them and leave this lame state behind me. I’m never coming back.

Sometimes I feel like I wanna just go, and the biggest thing keeping me here is my kid. What scares me is thinking about what happens if one day that stops being enough. I don’t wanna keep carrying that thought by myself.

I'm at home now and it's raining hard, I was just thinking if I can really do this? What if I get tired? I'm a slow learner..

i really do want to die and let this hell end already, but i'm such a wimp and a moron that i cannot bring myself to do it.

I don’t know what it takes, either way, I haven’t figured it out. I feel almost delusional convincing myself I’m gonna die, because I’m exhausted and don’t really see a point in anything. But I’m too exhausted to try and do that myself, and partially believe everything is fine and will get better. I know I’ve bottled things up so much, I wouldn’t even be able to describe to someone how I feel, I actually dread telling people about it. I don’t understand the point in talking about my problems either anymore when no one has cared deeply enough or tried to understand enough, not to help me, but to hear me, even if it takes awhile. I’m so tired, I feel terrible

i really am nobody's favorite person, nobody's number one, nobody's best friend. there's a whole world out there, and not a single person would choose me first.