All Rants

i just want too dieeeeee i want to dieee im not making it to 18 im so cookeeedddd i cant stop hurting mhself and being a lazy chuddddd this is it guys im so dead!!!! i suddenly get very bad urges to cry and harm myself ujjgjgjgkg im going insaneeee am.i depressed????? whag is wrong with me???? am.i just the most dramatic person ever???? ujjngnggm im sorryyy im so sorryh i cant stop aavoiding all of my friieeennddssss aushhnfm ok mb guys

I’m genuinely so alone it’s exhausting. Even when I’m with my “husband”, I feel grey, I feel dull. But then that’s it. I don’t have any friends, if I have friends they’re just my husband’s friends, so the reality is if we ever split up I would have, my cats? And my mom, and my sisters. But I have to beg them to talk to me, they never reach out by themselves and they like to just dump everything, just like my stupid husband. So I just wish I had a friend, so the world could feel less grey, and so I could feel less sad and less angry.

I want to know if they like me back. Fuck, I NEED them to like me back. I fantasize about them killing me, cutting me, and killing people with me. However, they don’t seem to like my urges. But I need them to like me back. I am theirs but are they mine? I need advice. I don’t want to force them to like me, I just want to know if there’s a possibility.

my dad recently had heart surgery and it was really tough and my dog has cancer and so playing the piano got me through that but now i want to quit because someone said my la campenella moonlight sonata combined remix was really bad. i feel terrible and theres just so much going on right now and i want to kill myself.

i was playing moonlight sonata 3rd mpvment la campenella combined on the piano and my parents said it was the worst thing they had ever heard i spent so much time on that

I wanna know what it feels like to be f*cked 💔💔💔💔💔

I hate when my friends that I know very well try to tell me "Oh I get you" or "I know you." No. No one knows me. No one knows that I spend my nights crying. No I e knows that I have an AI chat bot addiction. No one knows that I still suck my thumb. I'm a teenager. I need to get a fucking hold on my life. Or I think I fucked it up enough that I should kms. I'm autistic and I have ADHD. I think that's where this comes from, but I hate my disabilities. I feel behind the rest of the world. Like everyone was handed instructions that I don't have. A set of rules. Or I'm walking in a race against the fastest people in the world. I'm afraid to tell my therapist any of this because I don't want to get sent away. My mom wants me to do the SATs by the mid point of freshman year. I need to study and have school or I become a failure. And my mom will dent that I want to kms anyways. She had before. I feel like I can't tell anyone anything. Not mom. Not therapist. Not friends. No one knows who I am.

I dont know what is wrong with me. Since i was 10, ive been struggling with self harm; it was a way to cope whenever i felt upset or overwhelmed. Im not sure where i even got the idea of hurting myself, since back then i had little to no access to the internet. Im not sure where i got the thought from. Back then i had no one to talk to and struggled a lot with making friends amd that type of stuff. 4 years later, aka now i feel way worse,,, i think this is the worst ive EVER felt. I just want to die. I dont see myself making it to 18 or working or having fun. I just want to die. My self harm is worse, my mom knows and doesnt care she doesnt even try to talk to me about it, shes pnly worried about how to get rid of the ugly scars. Im the laziest person ever,, i never feel like dling anytjing,, i suddenly feel like bursting out crying and thrn hurt myself for absolutely no reason. My life is good, so why am i so ungrateful and ready to die??? sorry idk what to do about it

I constantly yell at my mom "I'm not you." This especially applied today. We were on the topic of flirting with boys out in public. She said "I flirted with guys at amusement parks all the time." Yeah? And if I were to do that I'd get laughed at. She had d cups and a good body. I have a cups and a fat face. She asked "Well is there anyone you know that you want to be a in a talking stage with?" FUCK TO THE NO. I was venting to about how I can't find anyone and that all my friends are in talking stages or dating and I need a date by homecoming. She acts like it's so easy. I don't think she realizes how unattractive I am to teenage boys. I'm pansexual andi feel like none of my friends support me when I like a girl and I've suppressed that for song long by acting boy crazy, boy crazy became a part of me. I want to like girls. Except my "friends" have distanced me from the ones that I have a chance with, and I'm scared after my last female ex. I just feel like my friends suppress me.

I feel like I am too old for this platform but I have no social media or friends to vent to. I was in a chat group and no one ever responds to me. I finally ignored the group on the messaging app. Makes me feel unwanted or annoying or whatever. I do not like where I live. I have no friends. I’m not sure what else to do. Just accept this existence? This is it? 40-50 more years with no friends? Just alone with my immediate family. Cool. I feel invisible.

I’ve been so mad recently. Event right now. I don’t know what to do with this anger. I keep accidentally taking it out on people close to me. I hate myself i hate myself so fucking much. I dont want to be here. I draw so i’ve tried drawing my anger but i can express it through art. I’ve never felt like this before. I want to scream. I want to do something stupid. I want freedom. I feel so trapped and alone. I dont even know what i need. I hate this so much. I thought maybe writing it out might help but homestly i feel worse and every little movement is pissing me off. I want to punch or hurt someone or myself. I dont know what to do

ican’t go back to school there’s someone waiting for me and i canr fuckinggo this year is going to kill me last year almosr did im so close im genuinely so fucking close i hate tnis life

Something eating at me is that I always have to wait. Everytime I suffered in life it’s because I always had a spark in my eye. 👁️ I’m waiting for this to happen. I need to keep fighting. Somehow I’m always waiting, waiting for someone to do something, for someone to care, to love me, to notice me, to anything. I’m waiting again. And it’s hurtful, because all you can do is learn and wait. When you’re mentally ready but not physically.

i'm starting to think that i have some sort of mental disorder or just major abandonment issues- bc my whole day and mood revolves around my boyfriend and how he treats me or if we even talk that day. he likes being by himself and it drives me crazy sometimes lol. i wanna be around him all the time and in my head it feels like i have two versions of myself arguing about whether or not i should be upset about that. one side of me is selfish and wants him to only be around me and with me, and the other side is trying so hard to understand and feels bad for the way i treat him. he tells me that he feels like he has no time to do anything but hang out with me and that he doesn't want to hang out everyday but like that's all i've ever wanted, i want to see him everyday and i always make up little excuses and reasons to come and see him, even if it's for a second. i want to start therapy and figure out what's wrong but therapy feels so awkward and uncomfortable.

I don't want to smile again. I wanna smile and MEAN it.

Don’t get me wrong Latina girls are gorgeous but I always wonder how and why are they so free? I’m Latina but not full anything I have two halves MX and PR. That’s not a good mix but at least I look unique. They have all these catchy songs about them. I want to experience that one day. And see what my family wants me to see. Is there something I can’t see? Obviously yes but I wanna know. They’re so cute

Every time I see someone say they want to kill themselves I can only ever think of them. And how I can't help them want to live.

Unfortunately no matter how much I try to force myself into believing I'm helping and doing something to give them a reason to live, I know it will never take away their wish. They don't even love me anymore. I don't know what's worse, that I can't help them want to live or the fact that they've probably been pretending to like me to find a reason to live. I love them too. But it seemed like they were dragging me on and I didn't want that. I'm a selfish dickhead.

Honestly I got some shit to say about white people. Literally I have 2 white friends and don’t get me wrong their sweethearts but it made me realize that white people themselves subconsciously don’t wanna be white. Like literally I remember I was on the topic of race or something with one of them and I quote she said “Guys I’m not full white I’m Italian.” I love you but honey… and same with the other one like she’s 10% Puerto Rican and mind u, I’m half so I thought she was more ethnic but it’s js in her dna. She said she hated the stereotype of white people not seasoning their food and sure understandable and she was like my mom’s very Italian and my dads very Puerto Rican so I had very seasoned food like the best chicken and I was like oh okay! Btw neither one of them are ethnic parents either like they js ur average white Americans so I was confused but wtv. I mean im half black and again half Puerto Rican so I was like huh…

What's wrong with me What's wrong with me What's wrong with me What's wrong with me What's wrong with me What's wrong with me What's wrong with me What's wrong with me