All Rants

I want the feeling of being someone's person and them mine. Understanding eachother, making eachother feel seen when we've been chronically misjudged and mislabelled. Wanting to hurt people who hurt us, openly talking about our resentment and agreeing, encouraging further hatred rather than forgiveness that has always been pushed on us. Identifying our bond in song lyrics and poetry lines about connection and belonging. Adoring eachother deeply, eachother's beliefs, opinions, observations- how we convey said thoughts. I want to advocate for ourselves and others, write stories, obesses over films and TV shows, talk philosophy and sociology, vent, bake together. I want them to hold me close in every way. I want to never be lonely again.

My dad died and the whole situation is making me so angry in a way I’ve never been angry before. I feel like I don’t have anybody to be there for me the way I need them to be because the two other people in my immediate family are both being dicks about this. Neither of them seem to ACTUALLY care that we’re on the cusp of bankruptcy. One of them is a half wit who turns the kitchen light on when he wants to sit in the living room and uses the heater WHILE WE’RE IN A HEAT WAVE, not to mention whining about sweets and clubs. The first thing he asked me after dad died was ‘what’s going to happen to my football club?’ THIS WAS IMMEDIATELY AFTER I FOUND OUT DAD WAS DEAD. The other one is permitting this behaviour and allowing it to continue. On top of that, she keeps getting angry with me for everything as if I’m supposed to have all the answers about everything but I don’t! I haven’t had a second to grieve because I keep having to take care of everyone but nobody’s. Taking care of me.

why does everyone want something from me maybe if you fucking worked on yourselves you could be like me too maybe if you took a risk and cut your OWN fucking hair you could have my hairstyle too maybe if you LISTENED to your daughter she would like you as much as she likes ME FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!! OH MY CUCKING GOD MAYBE IF YOU FILLED OUT A FUCKING RESUME YOU COULD GET A JOB AND GET FUCKING MONEY JUST LIKE ME LITERALLY ALL OF IT YOU CAN DO YOURE THE ONLY THING HOLDING YOURSELF BACK

I don't understand why it's so easy for people to let me go? I barely have friends now because my ex-girlfriend of two years decided to create a story of how terrible I was. And all of my "friends" at the time, sided with her without hearing me out. And ever since then her words have haunted me ever since. I mean, it's hard to forget when she said, "I'd rather kill myself than date you again" and I didn't cheat on her. I even asked her what went wrong and she just told me "You're a good guy; you're a good boyfriend" but I'm tired. So... what went wrong? We did have constant arguments, but when she broke up with me, the days before. We didn't have a single argument. It was such a shock and a sudden decision to me since I was still training for my new job. Going to work while heartbroken, was such a terrible feeling. She lied. She didn't keep her promise. She broke every single one. So, I ask myself again. Why is it so easy for people to let go of me but, I can't.

My mom told me and my brother that we better figure out how we're gonna get our shoes, deodorant, perfume/colon, and other hygiene/necessities we need for school, bc the kitchen looked 'exactly how she left it' mind u the dishes were done, carpet vacuumed, floor mopped etc. And she doesn't pay us allowance or me anymore for watching my toddler brother, so I may have to spend my 50$ gift card that I got for my birthday for just me, on hygiene products and stuff for me and my brother bc hes 11 and only has like 10$, I want to cry so bad bro..like I can't even drive yet, im only 15 and its not like I have permission to go anywhere or do anything without permission, I literally don't know what to do, pls give me suggestions!!

My mom deadass got mad at me and my younger brother for using she/her for her in a conversation? I had said, "Mommy just said not the backyard bc its gonna rain, she just doesn't want the bike around her", She stormed in from the kitchen saying that we will adress her as mom or mommy not she or her, and that she's our mom, and that we're gonna learn today and such, she loves to mention whopping us so fucking tiring🫩

i dont wanna die. but i cant live like this and be okay. i just cant.

i hate myself so much. i hate my body so i dont eat and throw up. i hate myself even more for that then i cut. i just keep doing it and i dont know why. i wasnt raped. i have two loving parents. but i still cant stop feeling sad. i dont know what im doing anymore. i just feel helpless and weak.

They're gonna send me to the mental hospital again. Just because I wanna kill myself. WHY WONT ANYONE LET ME DIE? What's wrong with me. I've been suffering for so long. I've tried everything. Haven't I given enough?

I want friends. Good ones. That was my only wish my whole life. But my parents dont allow me. People think I suck because I dont have tiktok or any social media platform. I dont wanna be the daughter of engineers. I dont wanna spend my whole life devoted to studies. I js want friends. People who will cherish me and I will cherish them. Considering how alot of people have it alot worse than wtv is this. I feel like its weighting on me heavily.

I do not know what I am doing with my life. Seriously, all I do is think about the past, some errors I did in my past where I'm so ashamed to tell to anyone and afraid of people finding out how I was and then I feel they would abandon me. I feel like a monster and some days I feel like I'm irredeemable and deserve to die. I fantasize about being born more mature and with a different body, but I get an empty feeling when I know I'm in the present and can't do anything about my past. I really don't have any hopes for the future right now, and I feel so disconnected I don't feel like I can tell anyone about this. I feel I've become less sensible but at the same time more sensible. Every night I go with the hope of waking up and being born again. I try to be better, I still make mistakes, and I try to carry on, but I feel like I'm going to explode one of these days. I feel I'm pathetic.

first day of high school i can't do this anymore i barely tolerated living when I was on vacation and yall expect me to do this shit

my old alarm clock is driving me insane and I don't know why. I have this alarm clock that i used to use to get up for school, now I just use my phone alarm. But recently for some reason I can't stop thinking of the tune it plays when it goes off and every time I do I start to get anxious and have sort of a panicked feeling and I don't know why. Now I think about almost all the time leading to me feeling extremely anxious and overwhelmed. I think it might have something to do with school starting soon since that's what associate that sound with, but I'm not really sure and I'm now realizing this sounds really stupid when write it out.

i feel so bad for the people i left after making 2 friends online. i just dont want an online presence anymore but i feel terrible because i feel like i mislead them. i wanted friends too but then i just left, what is wrong with me? i left them both a goodbye message before i got rid of my account, but that still feels scummy. there was a connection, but i just couldnt be there and i feel so terrible for doing this too them. i truly hope they find good friends. i dont think i can ever make meaningful connections if this is just what im going to do. it is what it is for me i guess but for them i just feel so terrible. i apologized buts not enough. im so sorry

I met a misandrist the other day. She just came up to me and called me a shit and a stupid brown man (it was something along those lines). I'm like 16 btw. This, and it being in public. I don't know why, but it REALLY affected me. Anyway, hope whoever's reading this doesn't go through anything like this. BYE

i hate being alive fr fr, i want this to be over for real

i really don't know. my bf is great but he's so less affectionate compared to me that it sometimes bothers me. like i know it doesn't really matter, but he will rarely be affectionate with me. maybe like 10% of the time, and i feel bad for wanting to be affectionate i guess. and i know it has a lot to do with his childhood, but it makes me kind of sad. then i let it pass, and then it feel bad again, but idk how to talk to him about it cause i feel like i cant cause i dont want him to feel bad. idk and we just had an anniversary and idk he said we weren't going to do much for it and to not buy him anything and i didn't., just made him a card but bought our dinner., .idk just wanted to get it out., i appreciate him but i want more emotional vulnerability i guess.

My mental health was really bad but then it got better and now it’s getting worse bc of my cousin

My cousin makes me wish I was never born

I didn't sh in 3 months,i want to do it soo bad but it's summer and short sleeves what stopping me😭i still have marks from about 2 years ago though That's so ridiculous and embarrassing but anywayy