All Rants

I can't even ask for help to solve my suicidal thoughts; I'll just end up in a psych ward and on a document ppl can see, which will affect my parents' chances of getting a new visa. All because this Fucking giverment HATES immigrants like ppl dont understand how shittty my life will get if I have to move again. I hate this. It feels like dying is the only thing that will free me. I wish I could go back to the times I wasn't so guilty; I can't stop hurting myself unless I'm distracted. I'm doing sh every 1,2 days. I hate this. I can't even die bc i know the same thing will happen.I wish I could hire someone just to kill me. I feel like I'm going insane.

I learned today that my mother really does hate me. She's told many people I'm too stupid to drive, too dumb to have a bank account, to rent, to live. She looked at me and told me she could have had an abortion. I told her we both would have been better off. I was raised in squalor. SQUALOR. She was a hoarder and we rarely had running water. She got a gym membership so she could shower on the regular and I had to ask to go with her. I've pulled living roaches out of my ears when I was in HIGH SCHOOL. I had LICE in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I ATE FOOD OUT OF The GARBAGE at public parks so I could sleep some nights. She spent so much time at the library but never picked up a parenting book never helped herself to help me. She would shut herself up in her room, send me off to do whatever. She was more upset at my not sympathizing with her NEAR molestation event than my telling her I had been sold by my god damn long term babysitter

My career is dead. I am a programmer who is now forced to watch AI write code for another AI to review before asking for the cycle to repeat. I am expected to applaud this harrowing change as I, a simple horse, get to watch cars be invented as I am guided to the glue factory. I need help, I need to burn this hellhole into the ground. But alas, I must endure, try to keep earning while I can and hope to god that these systems will collapse in on themselves soon.

nobody cares. It's so humiliating when everyone knows something is wrong with you but can't be bothered to help. My friends know I'm struggling, My family know I'm struggling but it's like they don't care enough to actually know why or to help me. Just because I won't kill myself or harm myself they all think I'm fine but I'm really not. I feel like I'm at the end, that I can't keep trying anymore. Every small spark inside me is gone and I just feel empty. I feel like an attention seeker silently begging someone to notice what's wrong with me and help me or hug me. But they never do and then I feel guilty for being an asshole or avoiding them. I just want this feeling to end so I can be normal and carefree again.

I wanted a place of my own. Where I could just post my beautiful pictures and thoughts for myself. I hated TWITTER. It was filled with yours and hers filth. I wanted to start afresh, and Threads felt like a peaceful place. It was nice and quiet, free from your filth. All I wanted was to reminisce all the beautiful memories and post pretty pictures. I wanted to grow there silently away from yours and her snake eyes, and yet, I somehow got caught up in the same filthy trap again. Wherever I go, i get caught up with the same thing. I can’t peacefully use any fucking social media platform without you guys hijacking it and making it all about yourselves.

longest I’ve gone recently without having a severe split wootwoot

It genuinely baffles me the unbelievable amount of people that think they need to post the most insignificant shit online. Its a genuine obsession these people have and the need it quite literally validation. Validate your fucking self and you will see maybr 2% of what you post is actually a social benifit. We dont care you took the trash out, and neither do the 20 bots that commented. But god bless your got the validation for throwing the trash out . Almost makes you wonder if people would still prepursuing the dumbass shit they do if it wasn't promoted

Now why is everyone in my life trying to kill themselves… like guys ahe if you die ILL BE SHATTERED. I don’t want to call them selfish cause I’ve been there, I have times I want to kms too. But the reason I don’t is because I love people. So sometimes I just get so mad at them for wanting to leave this world. I just want to make everything better but I can’t.

You fucking suck. You think I’m mean? I’m mean because you’re an inconsiderate fucking pos. Idk why I love you. Every fiber of my soul wants to be with you. And sometimes I wish it would go away. You don’t make any effort anymore, you do more for your friends than me, you blame me for everything.You don’t even share your life with me you call it “we both exist together” I hardly matter to you. But I love you more than I’ve ever loved someone. I just want you to show that you love me. Why is it that hard? Is it cause I’m not enough?

If my bf breaks up with me soon I called it early. I can smell it. But I’m going to hold on till I cant. Cause I just fucking suck.

I'm like the most awkward person EVER, especially when im alone in public, i dont think there's ever been a time where I went somewhere and didn't even slightly embarrass myself, i mean I've accepted it but sometimes people take my awkwardness the wrong way thats why it can get complicated but I know there are people like me so just know youre not alone😭🫶

I RESPECTED YOU I ADMIRED YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO? Create fake twitter profiles making absurd remarks against me even when I was KIND to you. You and that BITCH gaslit me sneakingly so much that I became a VILLAIN?? I remember what the fuck you and that bitch did to me last Aug- Dec. The day I found out the truth, I was so relieved so FUCKING relived, I felt disgusted to even call you a friend. You are a snake for a reason FUCKING POISONOUS SNAKE All this while I thought why was that bitch acting up for no reason. Turns out, you were the one whispering her weird rumours about me.. All for what? For a mess you created. Have some SHAME YOU PIECE OF FILTH SHAME!

The way you fold quickly to the point you insult the fuck out of me when that bitch starts acting up in her stories for some attention is literally disgusting. Where the fuck are your morals?

i fucking hate when people make me wait. it’s like i get reminded of every time i’ve been stood up after expecting something good from someone. maybe i should stop expecting anything from others because i know for a goddamn fact that they’ll always fail to deliver, they’ll forget, because things don’t matter to them as much as they do to me. everyone just speaks and makes a silent promise and fail to deliver, move on and forget, and act like everything is okay. i hate when people make me wait because i’m reminded of the fact that my competence is glorified because everyone else is incompetent. i can wait because i’m used to it. it’s exhausting to be the one with initiative. can’t anyone else move and be the one to take charge? to begin something without me having to take the first move? to plan and allow my brain to rest?

idk i just feel overwhelmed with everything lately. my family has been getting on my nerves so much and i constantly feel left out or like nobody really listens to me. my sister can be so rude to me sometimes and i feel like i do a lot for her but i dont always get the same energy back. i also feel kinda lonely which makes things worse because i dont really have that many people i can just talk to whenever i want. idk i just wish i could have a period where everything felt normal and i could actually enjoy myself without overthinking about family, friends, school, my future or literally everything at once.

My friend’s venting and it makes me realise that I’m not the only one feeling like that, but instead of feeling relieved I just feel… I feel like “oh, so that just proves that my things dont matter.” And i just… i dunno. It somehow makes me feel like im a bad friend and an idiot. I wanna tell them how I feel, but i just cant, and seeing them so easily saying the same things that’s been on my mind as well… am i really just an idiot? A pathetic one. But I wish I wouldn’t be like that.

Bitch, I know your stupid games. You say some shit to grab my attention and when I fullfil it you go back crawling to that cvnt. You want to keep us in your never ending oscillating loop until you devour each and every one of us. Sun my ass You are a BLACK HOLE YOU ARE NO SUN THWRE IS NO LIGHT IN YOU

And your shameless whore ass who likes to pop other girls wants to stalk me everywhere? Keep a tab on me ? Do you even realise how disgusted I feel? A pervert who goons at other girls is somehow keeping tabs on me everywhere. Lmfaoooo Disgusting Literally disgusting

Icarus my asss Bitch, you’re a fucking Void. You are no sun. All I see is deeeep dark void in you

Don’t you feel disgusting? Don’t you feel ashamed of what you did? Do you even reflect on your pathetic behaviour? You’re a grown ass UNC and you are still whoring around like a mad dog