All Rants

i just want to be in love again and have someone love me back

I feel like such a chud. I actually really enjoy hitting things until I feel my knuckles bleed. But I see reels that always laugh at these kids for doing the same, do I just accept I'm destined to become on of them.

Why am i wanting ppl? I am tired of being stuck in a void of pure silence. Imagine being in solitary confinement. I dont want to be with everyone just someone who actually either likes what i used to do or makes me feel im not a soulless husk.

Last year I planned to make a big move across the country. I’m a teacher, so with the teacher shortage, I didn’t think finding a job would be difficult. My sister agreed to let me stay with her for the summer while I saved money and waited for a job offer. I’ve been applying since January and currently have 34 active applications. I’ve called schools multiple times, but only 5 have answered. None have answering machines, and despite emailing principals directly, only one responded—and it was to say the position was already filled. The schools I reached just told me to apply online. I even flew out for a job fair, only to find that half the schools didn’t show and only one was hiring for my position. Now, with only weeks until school starts, I feel defeated. It’s hard not to feel inadequate when years of teaching experience seem to mean nothing. The thought of changing careers kills my spirit and feel like a failure who made a huge mistake.

To the person who left me that note u genuinely js saved me from relapse tonight i love you so much i wish u nothing but the best in life.

was arguing with my male friend ab abortion (he says its murder, i say its healthcare) and we were talking ab pregnancy. i was explaining to him that some women js dont want to have to go thru the torture that is pregnancy and i was telling him the side effects and i was like “you wouldnt last a day” and he was like “well ive been constipated for months before and ive also had headaches so i basically know what its like to be pregnant” im being so deadass this is not an exaggeration those were pretty much his exact words. genuinely what is happening.

I’m so scared to die but on the other hand I want to so bad I’m starting freshman year next week and I feel so far behind. I struggle with school. I’m js not very smart. I don’t know basic addition or anything.

i wish i had cuter clothes i rlly dont like the majority of whats in my closet and what i do like i either cant wear to school or my mom doesnt like it (which means i cant wear it). its acc sooo annoying bc i love dressing in like tight revealing clothes i know it makes me sound like a sl\/t but i really do love it sm like ughh it makes me feel so pretty but my mom hates it and i cant rlly wear it to school so im always dressed in stuff that makes me feel ugly and it makes me hate going outside like i dread social events sometimes like when i know i cant dress the way i like idk ugh can we js get rid off these sexist ass dress codes let me dress like a sl\/t it looks so good

I wanna cut so bad im 2 days clean

i want a bf soo damn bad like it,s not even funny anymore i want someone to talk to and hug and kiss and text and call and all that stuff i just wish i wasnt so picky because ive rejected so many guys so it kinda feels like worse yk because i could probably have a bf rn if it werent for me. also guys one of the guys i rejected literally told my mom to tell me to talk to him more earlier tdy hes so weird oml but anyways i just want a bf holy cowwwww like i cant keep watching these rom coms and reading romance books bc im genuinely going to explode i js want what they haveee aghh

there are some awesome teaches, angels, fair, just even, but then are some that are just evil and cruel

I think that San Marcos, California is suffocating. I hate living in this city where everyone knows each other, their moms, siblings, dads, aunts, uncles, grandparents, everyone is connected one way or another. I am connected to a lot of people and it just sucks the living out of me knowing well that this mid-city or maybe a small town knew me since I was a baby. And I just want to meet someone new. Someone that doesn’t know anything. That’s why I joined many programs outside of my region in school where no one knows about so the pressure of people knowing me is kind of small in chance. Another is my high school, I am not going name drop but it’s a school where EVERY SINGLE PERSON KNOWS EACH OTHER! I KNOW THEM! THEY KNOW ME! I mean it could be that I did link crew for two years, joined a bunch of clubs, and did so many programs. But it feels suffocating in a way that I cannot breathe without this thought of drama in my school or people shit talking me like I am a bad person.

My boyfriend keeps comparing our relationship to others online anytime we disagreement, I told him it kinda hurts because they are not us and its not the same but i understand why he would, he got completely mad at me over it. is this wrong of me?

I just went to go see the new Spiderman movie with my mom and we left leave early because the parents in the row behind us brought their 10 (not joking) kids with them, who sat next to me and in the row behind, who were talking nonstop, louder than the movie. I had no idea what was happening in the movie as I could barely hear the dialog. These kids were moving their seats up and down, climbing over them, and having conversations nonstop. It was overall just awful. My mom told them to stop multiple times, and they didn't listen. It's not the kids fault, it's the parents and they didn't care in the slightest. I finally told my mom I'm done and we got up and left. I went to the bathroom to cry angrily and calm down while she got us a full refund on everything. Going to the movies is so special to me and I love spending time with my mom and it just makes me never wanna go back :(

I just want to be heard, feel seen. I keep drowning, and everyone's first thing is to criticize how I swim. I know I'm not perfect, I'm not trying to be perfect im just trying to survive.

Then I must be a fool, I sure got nothing else going for me anyway.

Everywhere i go, im not welcome or needed. Surprised I'm not a domestic terrorist yet.

I wish i had a gun so i could shoot myself in the head and not live this life that has been given to me anymore.

"Fuck off and die."- My dad after refusing him sympathy for his fake illness

my dad is actually so horrible. he doesn't act like a parent at all and he just constantly insults me and belittles me, like he'll call me the r slur or autistic or say im weird or awkward or whatever. he just made me do all of HIS paperwork that i didnt want to do just because "he didnt want to do it" when it is literally HIS RESPONSIBILITY AND JOB TO DO THAT PAPERWORK. im so tired of constantly having to live with a horrible racist homophobic misogynistic man who refuses to listen to me or what i need im SO READY TO MOVE OUT