All Rants

One thing no one can ever say about me is that I let go easily. I don't. Everything I've ever had has my mark on it.

(this is quite long) i'm 16, junior in high school. so my family is south asian, specifically indian. i've never been proud of my culture or happy about it. I've always gotten bullied for being indian, especiialy because my name is super long and very hard to pronounce. in my culture, having long hair as a girl is good. my hair is really long past my waist. I want to cut it to my shoulders. My parents aren't allowing me. My mom says that if I do that my dad will get mad at her. My dad doesn't like that I want my hair really short. my parents' marriage was arranged. my mom was 19 and my dad was 34. I've never told anyone, because it's embarrassing. My mom's so devoted to my dad like he's a good or smth. there's just so much misogyny around me. i hate it.

fuck im so scared, results day is tmrw. ik its not that serious compared to other people but fuuuuuuck i just hope i did enough to secure my predicteds

I’m honestly not sure if am going crazy or not. My parents seem normal and sometimes even supportive but other times they are heartless and scary and forced married and engagement is something that is brought up daily and I’m starting to think I’m gonna become a victim of this but on the other hand, I see them doing other things, taking me to college programs trying to get me to get my license and buy me things. I’m not sure if I’m going crazy or I’m seeing things but I’m actually hearing these things right now.. but something in my gut told me that I’m going to be another victim of forced child marrige and sometimes I taught myself that I’ll leave that I’ll report them but then I see they’re good sides and I see how happy and everything is and I just don’t wanna ruin anything……

I wait for someone to listen. I wait for someone to hear. I wait for someone to watch. I wait for someone to fear. I wait for someone to clutch I wait for someone to relate. I wait for someone to hug. I wait for someone to trust. I wait for someone, anyone.

okay I’m gonna say it. I genuinely hate my dad so much sometimes. I wish he was dead but at the same time not because I feel so guilty for saying that. I feel like I wouldn’t care as much about losing my dad compared to losing my mom or anyone else.

Everyone and everything is so overwhelming. I wanna cut of contact with everyone I know. Or atleast, people i truly care about, because I feel like they'll leave and hurt me, or worse, I'll hurt them first. People always leave. That's how it's always been and will be, so I learnt to leave first. Easier for the both of us. But this time there's this guy I like. I really like him and he likes me, but I'm going through alot of stuff. I struggle harshly with body image and food, and have depression in waves that push me to act in ways i regret. I know he'll leave eventually. I've pushed him away alot anyways. Better that I leave first, right? It'll hurt less. For him and me both.

I usually interpreted a compliment as some sick and twisted joke they're playing on me so I didn't have to feel heartbroken all the time, but that doesn't work and i end up shedding tears anyway. I ended up thinking or horrific and dumb certain aspects of humans are and I cry over that too. I want everyone to feel safe all the time and yet that is another form of apathy. I did felt home for a few years, even though it hurt me. It's deeply pathetic and scarring how much I want everyone to hate me already so I can finally have an excuse to kill myself. I want to go to emptiness cause feeling anything about anyone is terrifying. I hate having a brain that is capable of feeling. I hate being a human, I want to be a star.

I got involved with a guy I met at school this year, everything we talked about and did was consensual, after the break up, he started spreading rumors about me to everyone, he exposed me saying I sent him pictures, lied about fetishes I never had, saying I threatened him, falsely accused me of forcing him to touch me, made fun of the fact i'm depressed and my personal issues, when i found out about most of the things he had spreading, i got awfully mentally sick when remembering, due to this situation, his friends started seeing me as a threat and a disgusting person, i was victim, i'm miserable and can't put in words how much i'ts affecting me

nobody likes quiet guys. if you're a quiet girl, it's cute, but if you're a quiet guy all the girls don't want you. i try really hard to look good, go to the gym, and have several hobbies, but none of it matters. at parties or any type of social event i am absolutely dominated in conversation. i'm never gonna be that life of the party guy or even someone contributing to the vibe. sometimes i am scared that no matter how much i work on myself, i will end up alone because i'm so socially anxious around strangers

i fucking hate my mom, like im here doing ixl (which is a learning website) and i was also listening to music on spotify so i wanted to change the song but my mom comes at the worst moment and starts to yell at me even though ive been doing ixl for the WHOLE entire day like from 10am to 8pm thats all ive been doing cause she says if i dont do ixl she wont buy me plane tickets to go back to china keep in mind i havent been back there in 10+ years so i reaally want to go back but the funny thing is my dad goes back to china every year and he doesnt bring me and my mom and dad are like both the ones who are buying my okane tickets so i just think its super unfair

Hi guys I’m 11 but already thinking about death I hated myself for 4 years and it is starting to come back and I am clearly struggling but no body ever helps me or really cares

In 8th grade I got very close with one of my guy classmates, we were talking everyday for hours, i saw him as a best friend but he started acting weird after a while giving me hints abt liking me, i made it clear I didn't like him, I got a bf which btw was one of his friend, he still used to say weird shit like "im gonna steal you from him..jk" I ignored it cuz as long as he didn't bother our relationship I didn't care but then he started telling every1 made up shit, I got mad, we stopped being friends,I also broke up with my bf bc he was infact a dick but thats another story, we were about to graduate middle school and i felt so empty I decided to talk to him and we decided to be friends again but it was so different now I was happy he got over me but now he doesn't talk with me, forgot our inside jokes, everything was in the past, we have a streak on some apps and thats it, i miss my bestfriend

4 days clean with no urges 🥳 I'm so happy, just wish I had somebody to celebrate with since this is pretty big for me :(

i fucking hate my brother. i sometimes fantasize stabbing him. a few days ago he went to the hospital thinking he had a heart attack. i knew he was being an overdramatic little wuss, but there was a part of me that wishes he really was having one, and that he died. i do not think i would care at all if he died. i want to die too. i hate everything about myself and he has only made me feel worse. i hate everything and everyone and i do not care if i sound like some emo 13 year old when I am in fact 8 years older. I just want everything to end

I feel like I've constantly been disrespected and made fun of BULLIED even growing up. Like people often made me the target because I let them and I'm so over it. I feel like I've hit a place where I feel confident, but still the thought of running into those people again makes me sick. I never wanna have to go through that again. Maybe others can relate to the feeling of everybody around you having some sort of social "upper hand" over you that you feel invisible and powerless. I just wanna be confident in the fact that that's over with, but still. People can be so mean.

i'm always afraid to let people know how i truly feel, although i vent at times. but there's always a feeling i'm just forcing myself to vent. a feeling of needing to always put on a smile and laugh and pretend that i'm okay to not make things awkward with my family and friends. i'm afraid of being a burden all the time. the least i could do is make them feel comfortable. i know i'm not okay. i force myself to think i'm okay, just so i could move on. have i moved on? have i healed? i don't know how to answer myself anymore. i used to see so brightly, but now it just looks dull. i feel dull. who even am i?

My fam starts drama just because. For no reason. Made a scene for nothing about me taking the dog out and I wouldn't yet because I checked it was really fine mist rain that would of soaked us both and because I refused they went but he wants go now my god. I go well you take him if you feel so inclined. I generally walk doggo so I know when to and not to. It was just crap drama for nothing. My other fam is being dry and pushy because I haven't received a letter someone is supposed to send. Why is it a near everyday battle drama with my fam? I go through enough stress/anxiety as is. I don't need it. Doggo and I ended up getting rained on earlier anyway trying to out run it so I guess it didn't really matter. Geez it's the b s won't quit coming at me sigh.

my mom has fallen into the ai propaganda and is forcing me to use it (or rather shaming me for not). i wanted to teach myself some of the english syllabus since i wanted to do my exam early. i rambled to my mum as shes my usual person to go to about such things. i had found a really good source for one of the literature works i had to study but that was the only work with that level of detail in its notes. it also happened to be the only work which couldnt come out in the exam im studying for, so i was bummed out yk? anyway, shes the sort of person that cannot distinguish between rambling to get it off your chest and asking for a solution, so she insisted on generating me notes. i said i appreciated the help but i preferred finding actual peoples notes rather than potentially fake ai (its a niche syllabus, there was a low chance it'd find anything real. it tends to make up stuff etc) idk, she started yelling at me and pressured me in front of my family to get me to study!! hooray!!

I’m angry and sad and they’re mixing and it’s not fun. I don’t do well with plan changes, and my plans have changed in a way thatve made me need to state my boundaries, which for SOME damn reason makes people feel hurt, and so I’m stuck dealing with both my own emotional turmoil and managing somebody else’s. Then to top it all off people keep pissing me off with just little things that I know shouldn’t bother but, but I’m so fuckingggg UGH. Tonight is going to suck. I don’t wanna hang out with extended family, but I’m going to, which means getting misgendered, and honestly I could cope with THAT(I’ve been doing it for 7 damn years after all), what I can’t cope with is the fact that my mom told me to come hungry, yet when I asked what food there would be she said brisket. I fucking hate brisket, and so obviously I’m going to eat beforehand, but I’m gonna have to choke down at least a little bit of it to appease my family.