All Rants

Hello, I really don't know how to start this, but I'm scared. I've been going through really bad cycles of depression lately and eating has been getting harder and harder as each day passes. I've been forcing myself to eat meals when in front of people.. but I never actually feel hungry. Whenever I am alone, it's time spent in my room, and most of the time I am in here for more than 10 hours a day. I weighed 135 Ibs 2 months ago. I was satisfied with my weight, and any loss I've had (23 Ibs), wasn't intentional. I currently weigh 112 Ibs. I can't hide it anymore. I'm scared. When my dad found out I've been struggling with eating, he threatened me. He said he was pissed and he just wouldn't stop from there. Now all he does is ask me if I have eaten and when I say no, he tells me I should just stop being this way. It's not easy. He just acts this way around others. He's never this caring when we're alone. I don't know why. He only ever calls me dramatic.

it hurts. it really does. -vb

i have been saving money for months. i have three concerts i really want to go to, and i have over $500 saved. im going to a concert this weekend and when i find the money, theres only $80 left. my mom stole the rest, after i hid the money and tried my hardest to keep it saved, which im not good at. the one thing i was proud of saving. on top of which, this makes me seem like a spoiled brat and i know, but my dad is pulling my gas card yet, my parents dont want me to get a job???? im so stuck on what to even do. im in my second year of college, but i cant just cut them off because they pay for my school and apartment. im so torn.

I'm not sure I have a funny rant. I have plenty of pet peeves though. Like today crossing railroad tracks I wasn't doing anything wrong whatsoever yet this car behind me honked it's horn. The tracks are rough ok you have to go slowly because they're bumpy. The idiot couldn't get by me fast enough. If they wanna bust their tires, wheel axles go right ahead. People are so ignorant when it comes to driving. And always in a hurry despite grocery stores being close by. I don't get it. Even grocery shopping people want to zoom through the store like the end of earth is 5 minutes away. Or it's a Nascar race or something. Newsflash you're not getting out of life alive so slow TF down. It's hard dealing with that especially when you deal with anxiety.

today i quit my job after two weeks of staring it. it is a service job + cleaning. i did everything i could, my boss texted me saying im not friendly enough with people, that he could move me over to help “around the kitchen” i have never felt more humiliated in my life, i feel so bad. all i wanted, was to be financially independent, i wanted to prove i could be taken seriously and do something. im so tired.

I started masturbating in preschool. I didn't know what it was, I would touch myself, and feel good, and that's all I understood. fast forward to now. i've learned what it really is, and it has just gotten worse. I often feel hypersexual and needy, and its disgusting. I'm disgusting. I can't seem to stop myself from wanting to be touched inappropriately by anyone. I'm not getting better. -vb

My friends most likely hate me.my parents think I’m dumb and pressure me.i cant do anything right.i always get into fight with my”friends”.nothing makes me excited anymore.I’m insecure.i know one day I’m gonna have to to send a goodbye message to my friends or block them.they think I’m selfish.I’m sensitive.but sometimes the worst things in my life are my friends..but on the positive side,I have real friends,kind and supportive ones,who I really love,and those bad friends,the ones who slap me harder when I accidentally hit them hard by accident because sometimes I don’t know my own strength,in the future i don’t know if Ill can take it anymore.I realized that my pets,my cat.my dog even my mom will leave me but I know that’s how life works but I’m not ready for that..I’m scared of losing them,again..those bad friends of mine?I can’t just say”let’s not be friends anymore”I’m scared of what they think.if what they’ll do.one of my “friends”talks about drugs and scars and killing.

this is lowkey a non issue but lemme explain, my moms black and my dads Dominican Puerto Rican and Colombian. I’m 50% black, 25% Dominican, 12.5% Puerto Rican, 12.5% Colombian. I feel like its a handful to say all four but like I js say I’m one or two things and not the other that’s still a huge part of me so it’s js a little confusing 🤔🤔🤔

i feel like this is a bit of a dumb thing to complain about but i recently modded my ds so i can play games online with people again but i feel too shy and nervous to actually talk to people 😭 i really wanna but i'm scared to cos i don't really use social media cos it makes me miserable 99% of the time

school fucking sucks. its only the first week and ive already cried five times. the teachers are annoying, the people lowkey suck, and the stress of all of it hurts. i wish that the system was more reasonable. like, when it comes down to it, i only really need to take math, english, and science. and even science isn't really necessary. school should be about learning what you need to learn, not who can get the highest gpa.

I’m lowkey sad bc I have eczema, as if that’s not enough to deal with ppl stare at me like I have some kind of disease. It’s on my right arm, spanning from my like upper forearm to kinda past my elbows if that makes sense? It’s pretty much like in the middle of my arm and it was so itchy and I wasn’t able to get any specific medicine or relief for it so it scarred. The same with my hands in the winter. They would be super crackly and dry from the air, they would constantly sting and hurt and i had to use expensive wash for my hands. like I hate it so much bc it hurts and people stare and give me like blatant side eyes. obviously it’s not normal and you’re gonna have a reaction but that’s not a reason to treat me like an alien. the scars take forever too, the crackly skin on my hands happens like every winter and hurts with every movement, it’s so annoying.

I don't even know what to do anymore tbh. i'm sick of begging, apologizing, and promising to be better, when I know damn fucking well that I can never be good enough for you. no one can. not even yourself. who put you in charge anyway? you're not even my mom. -vb

I'm sick of it all! My relationship, my work, my hobbies... they can all go to he'll. I could really care less!

I also struggle alot with socialization and feel so sick in my mind that why can't I socialize normally like other people, I feel like a freak, I'm an outcast, Getting constantly bullied everyday

I wanna commit suicide so bad, I've been depressed since this year, I don't wanna go to school because I feel really depressed cause of how judgemental and gossipy my classmates are , I even hear gossips about me saying I'm a teacher's pet just because my teacher had praised me, I also get physically bullied alot I got elbowed , hit and got thrown stuff on my head, I tried reaching out to my parents but they said it's my fault I'm getting bullied, That I'm a idiot who should learn how to socialize, I'm a person who doesn't socialize that much and has only 1 friend that even uses me only talking to me when she needs something but when I wanna talk to her and hangout during lunch she ditches me for her other friend, I also always had my stuff stolen in school, Constant insults thrown at me, I keep hearing that I'm dumb, ugly and fat! Please I wanna die already.. I don't have anyone to lean on... I feel so hopeless please...

i feel disgusting every day bc i touch myself when i cant help it. also my fuckass mental health is draining every day

fuck ass hypocrite. you raised me to be just as pessimistic, bitchy, and straight up rude as you are, and I'll never forgive you for it.

I am honestly quite done with everything now. Everybody's expectations of me and my own spiraling mental health are taking a toll on me. I genuinely cannot help it. I'm so tired always. I just want to sleep. I don't find myself interested in anything nowadays. Work, studies, people, even social media. I'm quite burnt out of everything. Yet despite all this, I'm still existing. Yes, existing. I feel like a passenger in my own body. As if my life's on autopilot and my brain is constantly shutting off. I'm becoming self-destructive to the point even, my friends are getting worried. Despite this, my parents continue to hound me 24/7. Sometimes I wish something would happen to me just so that they would NOTICE that their child isn't OKAY. I'M NOT OKAY. Atp IDK what I'm even yapping about. My mind is constantly going a million miles per minute and it is SO HARD TO STOP. SO HARD TO DO ANYTHING. I'll sign off by saying, NO, I am NOT suicidal. I'm just a human being tired of this society.

TW: MH,SH,SI I have struggled with depression since i was 9 along with unalive thoughts and actions, i had asked my mom if i could possibly have depression, she said it was impossible so i moved on, during my parents divorce, i began SH and was taken to a therapist, this therapist diagnosed me with BPD. My mom said she was crazy and wouldnt tell me the diagnoses till i was 17. I went unmedicated for anything till i had a huge mental breakdown at 16 which cause me to do irreparable damage to by body with SH and unalive attempts. I had many manic episodes which caused most of the damage. I also developed what i believe is OCD in which everyone i've asked including 2 people who were diagnosed agree. I asked my therapist and he called it a phobia. (I've gone through 6 therapist at this point) at this point, since i was 12 aside from when i was 16, i have hidden any mental issues i've had to not risk the mental hospital. How to I communicate that i am struggling to make her listen?

Ever since COVID, my spouse and I stopped being intimate. I kept trying to help, listen, support, care, and then she finally admitted she didn’t trust me with her heart. Multiple years of counseling with no change. And the added message that I don’t support her goals…which I’ve been the primary source of income for nearly five years while they got accredited in their field, which was three years ago. Every time I want to talk or plan, they don’t have ‘bandwidth.’ I’ve isolated myself except for family. There have been many reasons why they’ve retread emotionally with things that have happened to them. Just … lonely. Sad. Old.