All Rants

Ive always struggled with maladaptive daydreaming from trauma but it became so real to a point where I made up another version of me, someone with a different life better in ways I've always wanted but worse in other ways. His story ends before he turns 18 and I'm about to turn 18, I'm so scared of losing that other version of me, I always told people I don't plan to live without him and die at 17 but I want to live now but I'm just so scared everyday.

I feel like no matter what I do I always come up just a bit short. I put so much effort into every thing that I do and I always get SO close to achieving my goals but shit always falls apart at the last second.

I wish I had someone real to talk to. nobody seems to care, not in any real way. at best it's a performance.

I’m addicted to crystal. I’m 19 no one knows and I’ve been sober for two months until two days ago…

i dont really understand how i feel. i hate myself so deeply, but i think im funny, cute, or i feel like im a good person. ive been dpressed for around five years now, and ive started to feel comfort in my depression. i cant explain it. im so used to it and now i feel like i dont want to leave. i like having something to cry about. i think im like this because if i get better, i never know when the ground is going to crumble underneath me. i never know when im going to fall back into that dark place that i tried so hard to leave. i never know when everyone will leave and ill be left with nothing

They are a fucking parasite. They’ve been eating away at my heart and mind for almost 2 years now. There’s been flirts, touches, laughs, blushes, clothing exchanges, cries, secret swapping, trauma, and a shit ton more. And then I have to leave them and sit with my aching heart. Why can’t I just get over them? They’ve been in multiple relationships when I yearned to be that other person and those feelings still latched on. I want to fall out of love with them. I want to. But I can’t. I don’t know if this parasite or sickness or disease has a cure, but I need it.

I don’t think they care anymore. I’m so fucking tired and I’m always angry at something and I just get so fucking sad and my parent just “sedates” the suicidal thoughts with concert tickets and shopping trips and new, shiny things. It sedates it, sure, but now I just want to die even more with the guilt of it all on my shoulders. I’ll go to the concert and wait for the best of fall to come. Then I’ll lay dying on fallen leaves with music floating into a dying corpse from earbuds. Then I will be happy and they’ll finally notice.

I want to die. I got nothing going, I feel useless even though I tried my best to be something better...

i wish my parents weren't maga and homophobic. im their daughter and everything they support stands against me. how could they

how do i stop feeling bad if talking to others about it makes them feel bad and then they tell me that and if i say i was just trying to talk about my feelings then it counts as guilt tripping which makes me feel bad! i dont know. i dont know what to do. i dont have anybody to talk to. it hurts so bad. i dont want to anybody to pity me i just want them to like me anyway. im selfish. why cant i just meet somebody that clicks. im so bad at talking to people. theres something wrong with me and i dont know what to do because all of my favorite hobbies make me think about how i cant share any of them with anybody. i want to die. this has been the worst month of my life. i keep making excuses

Day2: Today was really hard but I’m doing better.. even if ppl hate me I don’t care I’ve been bullied so many times. I’ve been clean for about 2 weeks now. I’m eating better and stuff.. I just need new friends they actually care about my feelings! I’ve put down stuff I used to cut myself.. I hope I won’t pick it up soon.. I don’t like how I am! I really want friends but all I have is Snapchat and ppl normally don’t have that… I’m starting to forget the world and how bad it is and it’s messing me up.. I just wanna hide from others~

hi. i dont know where else to go. i dont really have any friends in real life, at least not any that im close enough to text out of the blue. i tried to stop posting on social media earlier this year because i was scared of strangers following me. i joined a discord server of online friends and when i did they said i could "vent anywhere i want." but i think they were just saying that to be nice in the moment. one of them just told me im a negative person who doesnt like anything, and that i insult them all the time. i dont mean to do this. ive never meant to insult any of them. i thought i was doing okay. im constantly afraid of talking to people because of guilt, that they'll find out im actually a terrible person. but apparently i'm actually miserable and it shows. i thought they didnt care about the things i know they dont like. i cant get new friends i already lost one friend group when i was 14 and it hurt so so so bad. and now im an adult and im still maladjusted FUCK!!!!

I want to fucking kill myself my brother keeps on breaking my shit and then my family keeps on making fun of me cuz I’m ’different’ from them and they call me names

i feel like no one cares anymore. can we get this rant to 50 pls? pls? i need it. i need to know that someone out there cares because i wanna fucking kms so fucking bad. can i pls have 10 notes too. im sorry, im asking for too much but i need to feel seen i need to feel like someone cares and someone knows.. pls? im scared imma kms but not scared iykyk. my arms are covered in scars. its cus i use a safety pin so i have to do it so fucking often. i did it 42 times on the 12.8 im 14. i turned 14 on the 8.8. i didnt think id make it to 11. i dont have a reason to keep going. i dont have a reason to stay. pls?

hey uh can someone send a kidnapper or murderer or serial killer to me pls? i need it? i go to firbank and in 8k and alwyn cameron? PLEASE? im begging. i dont wanna kms but want to so fucking bad. i want to be dead so fucking bad pls i need help plssssssss someone do it plsss tell me you are an indian scammer tho if u find me thank you so fucking muchhhh

i’ve been disassociating a lot recently… i don’t know why… i just have been…

fuck you elly i hate you I will never forgive you for how horrible you made me feel

I'm not enough I never will be i'm a failure I don't wanna be here I should die and never come back I'm useless, filthy, trash I don't belong here i'm fucking ugly i'm stupid fuck daily affirmations this is what I really am.

I'm a coward. A mistake, something you look at and go- "i feel bad for them!" NO no you fucking dont. thats why the scars HURT i dont wanna go! i really dont. but the pain is already stating to numb when i do this so I will keep going.

Why the fuck did we have to get neighbors that act like fucking untrained gorillas? If you wanna climb a tree bang on it or swing on a rope go to the frickin jungle wherever you belong. It's sure not near us. Geez.