All Rants

my bestfriend and i always find ourselves in a trio with another friend of ours, at first it's fun and obviously all three of us but then they start hanging out without me till they don't contact or reach out to me anymore few weeks or months later that same bestfriend gets ditched and comes back running to me, i was gonna say i welcome her with open arms out of pity but no, it's only because i feel lonely though i'm not the real selfish one here, right? this whole thing has happened four times already, in the span of 3 years

i sometimes watch videos on youtube either pursuing a goal, reached it or are working in that career, and when I hear how hard they've worked I feel so ashamed because even I struggle and fail alot to handle the stuff in my own life, but hearing about people that are good at working hard, good or can manage their academics makes me feel awful,

I know pregnant women has a lot of hormones to deal with but its not an excuse to RUDENESS!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!

DAMN, YOU'RE SO FUCKING RUDE!!!!!! For fuck's sake, you keep acting like a total asshole just to be called brave! You should be ashamed of yourself!!! That's so disrespectful, you worthless piece of shit!! What are you so confident about, being so maldita? Just to say you're tough? You'd better watch out!!! That attitude of yours is so messed up there's no cure for it!!! Damn it all, you!! KA!!! KANANG MUTAGAM KAG TAMAN TAMAN NGA WALA NAY TAMBAL PARA MAAYO!!!LETCHEHAAA KAAAA!!

I feel like no one appreciates the effort I put into helping them. I’ll give good advice and they won’t take it. They also only talk to me when they gain something, but I’m no longer a friend when they are out of whatever it is that they needed me for.

Two weeks ago, I asked my mother if she needed me to help with her paperwork for jury duty, and she said no. Well, it's two weeks later and guess what - she just remembered the jury duty paperwork today. Not yesterday, not last week, TODAY! And when I did try to help, I later found out that no more can be done; she has to show up for jury duty now because of how slow she was replying after receiving a summons. I am very angry with her now because two weeks ago, she had a chance to ask me for help, but basically blew it by forgetting about it for two weeks. I could have helped her then and saved us the trouble, but she refused. I am also worried about her safety because she has to go downtown, which is not exactly in the safest part of my city, and I especially don't like the fact that there are some jurors who tend to be in the minority and hold up the decision process for hours on end! I honestly wished I could have prevented this, and wished that I can say more here.

Everything hurts so fucking bad

I’m so tired of this loop of relapsing

your genuinely the most toxic person i’ve met your rude your annoying and you shame people you awful i hate you so much and i genuinely hate being around you you make everything about yourself you think your better than everyone when your not i want you to leave you suck the joy out of everything and make everyone feel awful. Leave school go to public school no one likes you here you make me so mad that i can’t function with you and your spoiled and don’t know how the real world works. ANYWAYS messaged for this girl that makes me so mad i just wanted to write it out not necessarily not for relating i mean go ahead if u want but i just felt like ranting ok byee

No diffuse intuition, just blind striving and brute forcing my way into places where I wasn't wanted. I sacrificed the scientist to keep looking at the world in a fake way, to keep thinking highly of other fake people. The scientist doesn't matter as much on reason's bones. The scientist matters in a nomadic sovereignty against idols of man and religion.

I'm about to turn 21 and I feel like a failure. I'm currently 20 and I turn 21 in a couple weeks. This summer I finally decided to start getting my driver's license but I failed the behind the wheel test today and I feel so ashamed of myself for it. It makes me feel like I can't do anything right. I graduate college this year and I can't drive, I'm unemployed, I have zero research or internship experience, and I'm depressed with clinical anxiety. I feel so useless sometimes. I get scared easily and even doing small tasks like looking for therapy feels stressful and overwhelming at times. I feel like I've achieved so little with my life. I'm a total crybaby and I feel like I'm not strong enough to make my life better. I don't really know what to do. It's hard for me to see the way forward. I just don't want to feel alone anymore.

I envy these gothic macabre artist types who give their own philosophical commentary and seem to know true art from fakers and fake melancholists. I know I'm not like them. I would never be a goth, or I'm scarcely "gothic". I hate how many times before I sacrificed the scientist to avoid speaking up for myself.

Something that happened months ago is still on my mind, and I think I shouldn’t be worried because nothing with the people around me has changed but I can’t get myself to stop worrying.

I'm like a slow-motion train crash As long as I continue living that's enough but its hard as long as I continue though Honestly if I get meds or a diagnosis I think it could help. I want to be able to work. I want to be able to do things at the right time instead of spending most of the day sleeping or struggling, wasting hours. I want to but I think there's something wrong. But what if its not even something that's diagnosable. What if its just myself being like this. And I had no reason to be like this all along. All I had to do was try even harder. How do I know Im not just being dramatic. I don't know what to do. Its expensive to get it checked. It takes time and money we dont have. Im already not contributing enough. I havent continued college. I try to work from home but the electronics we have cant handle it. And when I find somethingI cant stick to it long enough because I fall back into being sick or sleep even though I want and need to stay awake. What do I do.

So i only have a few male friends and today i went out with them and my best friend and i ofc told my boyfriend and now hes all mad at me telling me i was so touchy with them and firstly i wasnt secondly he wasnt even there and we fight so much over my friendships even about female friends and im really slowly starting to fall out of love bc of this but i also cant ever break up because he knows so much embarrassing secrets about me like my dads a streamer and stuff and i know how he talks about his ex girlfriends and also i let myself down for so much shit he does and wants but the only thing i want like friends he doesn't even let me have them (sry for bad English im german) and whenever i have a problem with something he disregards my feelings and just always says hes sorry and he loves me but doesn't wanna do anything about it i jst cant do it no more

My mom is really grumpy and taking all her stress out on me because of financial stress, she said my financial councilor is wrong when he said something about parents needing to make sacrifices for their children.

idc if his dih is small his fingers make me wet anyways :d

Cuddling my body pillow gunnite

As if there's people defending the people who were setting fireworks last night. "Don't be so quick to judge" no i will be quick to judge because it doesn't take long for a spark to turn into a wildfire in these conditions. People in neighbouring towns have lost their homes. And it wasn't the odd firework either, it sounded like a whole display, it was actually scary.

If I meet him I’ll definitely fuck him hard (with consent)