All Rants

ok hear me out i’m a south asian girl, my fam immigrated to europe for the whole “better future” thing, so obv there’s a shit ton of pressure around school, esp math. like my parents somehow bring up math in EVERY convo. we could be talking abt literally anything and suddenly it’s “ur failing math” “ur grade is shit” bro I KNOW  and idk how to explain it but when someone keeps telling me “ur gonna fail” or “ur dumb” my brain just gives up. i’ll actually sit down to do math, then they start going on abt how i’m gonna fail, i get pissed, leave the math, and do smth else. EVERY. TIME. i swear the second i open my math book they spawn then obviously i can’t focus anymore, so i stare at the book, understand nothing, give up, and now somehow i’m surprised i failed with <30%. like yeah, my past grades are why they say this shit, but then where tf do u think those grades came from it’s literally a loop: bad grade→constant pressure→lose motivation→avoid math→bad grade.

I am in 9-14 age group. When I was around 5, I met this girl.. lets call her Tina. Tina is my neighbor’s niece; and we were the same age. Had the same interests. She would often visit her aunt Ms. A, and I would go across the street and play together with Tina. We became best friends. She quite literally knows everything about me. In third grade, i was lonely and had no friends. I would cry all the time but i would still get to see Tina every month or so, which made me genuinely happy. In fourth grade i was emotionally numb for a while due to a situation that had happened at school in mid October. Then Tina introduced me to her new friend, we’ll call her Mina. From then on, she chose Mina over me every. Single. Time. Tina made me feel like the third wheel. Then one day she said right to my face that she likes Mina more than me. 4+ years of friendship i thought was genuine in the garbage.. anyways running out of space so I’ll continue in another one

i feel like i don't know my sister anymore since she got pregnant. She got so rude. Just because you're pregnant doesn't give you a free pass to rudeness

I hate my teeth. I hate my nose. I hate my eyes. I hate my hair. I hate my arms. I hate my legs. I hate my stomach. I hate myself. I hate my nails. I hate my voice. I hate my smile. I hate my choice of people. I hate living. But I don't want to die. Why does life have to be so difficult? Why can't we all just get along?

everyday i wish i was dead, i don't wanna go on.

Why my fam gotta make a mountain out of a ant hill? Come full on verbal assault then deny wrong doing. Omg wtf is wrong with my family. All because the one is in drug withdrawal it's a blow up thing because the local pharmacy sent an incomplete text. They went nuts. CAN YOU CHECK IT CAN YOU CHECK IT. ARE THEY GONNA DO IT !?!!!?!? Then yell and cuss then deny it. And I'm good to them. I get evil in return. They're so hard to live with because they're addiction is too big. All of them are hard to live with. I was minding my own business here they come barging in my room as if the sky is falling or cracking open. My God I don't need this. The other defends them and denies wrong doing. FOR FUCKS SAKE I WAS THERE OK THEY'D DEFEND A BLACK SHEEP WHITE. FUCK ME FML SMH

Smile and laugh. Just smile and laugh...

the world has gone rancid, wars exploding every fucking where, death literally at our feet and the only shit some of y'all have to complain about is other humans. i truly cannot express the hate i feel towards, again some of y'all. i hope you pieces of shit had been born in a less fancy place other than your daddy's ass-palace and experienced fear, starvation and death. maybe if you had you wouldn't end up being such dickheads with shit sized brains.

Im sorry. To my friends and parents and siblings. I'm sorry for being so difficult. I'm sorry for being so annoying. I'm sorry that I'm the way I am. I don't blame anyone for hating me. I'd hate myself too if I were you.

i'm tired of putting effort into people who don't return the favor, i've helped, listened, hung out when i couldn't, with them so many times only to be repaid by abandon from them i know this sounds stupid but you know how when you're excited to tell someone something, see that they're online at the perfect moment, write them happily about that special thing to then stay on read or delivered for 5 days straight, doesn't that make you also feel like a piece of garbage you walk past on the street? it's there but too worthless to even interact with the only time they'll reach out, of course, it's when they need something from you oh? you're friend couldn't come to the concert? sure i'll be the replacement! or oh? you bumped into a guy i don't give thing about? that's so cool he definitely is in love with you! i feel like i'm constantly acting like someone i'm not to please and be appreciated and that doesn't even works! i still end up tossed aside! i have no friends

it’s crazy how one person can change the outlook of your day like I was having a kinda bad day just because of a compilation of things like it was my 2nd day and I had no friends but my sister did so I kinda lost hope for myself and was just about to accept I’m gonna be alone because I also had no friends at my old school that’s why I gave up so quickly this time but this girl talked to me on the bus and I’m glad I wasn’t to nervous or awkward because I actually kept the conversation going so I’m just happy I almost made a friend

For the past 2 years or so, I felt so trapped and so hopeless because I was so sick of everything being hypersexualised and I felt like as a man I would never find a girlfriend because I wasn't hyper masculine or super sexual or kinky. But recently, I don't know, I feel so free and confident about myself. I'm still not quite sure what happened, but I feel like I've realised that there is a version of love left for me that I want. For the first time ever, I feel free enough to express my romantic love and I feel a strange sense of hope that what I want from a relationship does actually exist in the world. I want to hold onto this feeling of dreamy, child-like romantic love and never let go. But the problem is, I'm scared I might go back to my mental state from before, I'm so so scared that I might subconsciously revert and I've never prayed harder that I don't go back to that earlier mental state now that I've felt something so amazing.

Why can't I just be normal? Why is it so hard just to bite and swallow? I know there are so much people out there that wish they have what I do. I need people to tell me. It just makes me feel worse. You think I want to feel uncomfortable in my own skin? You think I chose to be anorexic? It's not just something you can pray away. It's not just something I made up for fucking attention. And I'm trying. But it's so hard. And none of them make it any easier.

I don't know anymore. I just feel worthless. There's always someone out there that's better than me at *something*. It doesn't matter how much I try to learn and improve Im always expect to "be better" or "be more like someone else". And I'm tired. What's the point of trying if it'll never be enough? Not for myself nor for anyone else.

I don't know how to tell my parents that I want to explore other Christian denominations, primarliy orthodox ones. Very bapist mom and very Pentecostal dad, what do I do???

I feel somberness for my sister. Not in the way a human would pity another human being, she is an extremely independent and assertive individual with strong opinions. She practically raised me, and that's the thing I feel most upset about; she had to sacrifice a lot of her youth raising me and our other siblings. I'm the second to oldest, so I'm not much younger than her, but she's influenced me in a way that makes me confident and strong. She's a very beloved and beautiful person, yet she doesn't see herself in that light, and that's something that makes me cry myself to sleep whenever I stop to think about it. The more I ponder on these feelings, the more I realize how much she deserves the world. She deserved to be a kid, she deserved loving parents, she deserved to live under a warm roof with food available whenever. None of my siblings had that luxury, especially her, and it was just because she had a voice and she was using it when she needed help, but nobody wanted to listen.

Is it so bad that I don't wanna do something tonight after teaching all day? Hubby is retired and stays home and he's ready to go do something. Most times I do, but I don't want to tonight and I feel bad cause he's stuck at home yet again

my bestfriend and i always find ourselves in a trio with another friend of ours, at first it's fun and obviously all three of us but then they start hanging out without me till they don't contact or reach out to me anymore few weeks or months later that same bestfriend gets ditched and comes back running to me, i was gonna say i welcome her with open arms out of pity but no, it's only because i feel lonely though i'm not the real selfish one here, right? this whole thing has happened four times already, in the span of 3 years

i sometimes watch videos on youtube either pursuing a goal, reached it or are working in that career, and when I hear how hard they've worked I feel so ashamed because even I struggle and fail alot to handle the stuff in my own life, but hearing about people that are good at working hard, good or can manage their academics makes me feel awful,

I know pregnant women has a lot of hormones to deal with but its not an excuse to RUDENESS!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!