All Rants

I don’t feel real anymore and I have lost so many of my friends in the past year from things that they have done but it just feels like everyone around me leaves now and i genuinely don’t know how I’m supposed to keep myself going if everyone leaves and time flies by without any semblance of myself feeling human and actually there in the moment.

my dad used to hit me when i was little and he hit me last week and im still pissed of abt it and i dont wanna live with him anymore i have nothing here and it fucking sucks he hit me over a disagreement btw it was over two cosplayers my sister liked and my dad talked shit about them for 20 mintues to my grandma and she didnt even say anything because she doesnt see him the wrong i said " stop talking shit abut two people who did nothing to you at all " and then he said your "jokin right" and then i said yeah bc i was scared ,super scared and he slapped tf outta me and i curled up in the car and cried bc why would my mom send me to his house and i even told her abt what happened and she doesnt even care :/

My dad threw water at me mid zoom call cause I told him to stop singing, and it honestly js shows how insecure of a 45 yr old manchild with a high ego he is, like god forbid he has to constantly seek validation from his 6000 college friends every day and works from home so can't even do shi off his lazy bum. Always argues everything with logic which is acc annoying af.

Sometimes I want to just try to kms just so my parents see how bad it is. Even if it doesn’t work just so they know I wasn’t ok.

TW: SH I just realized that it would be like so fun to like die you know because like the guy I like probably doesn't know I exist and every struggle I have is like overturned by my 16 year-old sister's anxiety (I'm 13 by the way) like my struggles don't exist. I might have depression or something but my sister's like "Well only if you haven't been finding joy in previous activities you liked for more then two weeks." And I've been able to help my two friends from Self Harm. I don't care anymore. I'm laughing while I'm writing this. I say I hate the world and my other friends are just like "Well you say that but your always so happy." Like I don't fricking care. Like I go to LDS church and the guy I like is gonna be a freshman and hour also goes to my church. I almost Self Harm relapsed like 5 minutes ago (I'm 3 months clean by the way). My mom like almost committed suicide like 3 years ago but my dad stopped her I walked I on the knife to her thoat.

I feel like everytime I say I, not ok or I try to ask for help I’m being selfish or lieing that I’m not ok. I don’t know if I am or am not ok but something is wrong. But everytime I say that I feel like I’m being rude to the person I’m talking to. Or like I’m fakeing it

How that one temptation comes to me late at night >>>> I'm such a fucking loser

I feel like I’m the reason I’m alone. All my friendships or relationships end because I end them. I mess up all the time and I just want one thing to work out but I mess it up everytime. Then complain abt it like it’s someone else’s problem

help i need advice so basically one of my friends is a they them and has a girlfriend but i still txt them like good morning and good night and shit like that but idk if im overstepping but they didnt tell me til like a wk ago and i do that shit cus im scared they gonna kts cus they have attempted before... and im hella scared... but like im a hypocrite cus i nearly attempted for the past like 10 days and i wanna tell them but i feel like a burden

I want to tell my brother (one of the only people I can trust really) that I’m struggling but I don’t know how. He struggled with a lot of the same things as me I think talking to him would help. But I think he would tell my mom or dad. He also is always busy and lives far away so I don’t have time to talk to him. How can I?

so... this week, i lost my phone in a lyft and the driver wouldnt return it so i had to buy a new one. then someone stole a whole load of my laundry. i dont own that many clothes as it is, i think like three and half loads worth of clothes so a whole load is a lot. i walk 2.5 hours to work everyday in humid 95+ degree weather. i got hit by a car the other day crossing the street. the car didnt stop. nobody did actually. nobody rolled down their window to ask if i was ok or even honk at the car. on top of that my credit card got sent to the wrong address and i need to order another one, but i didnt budget fir it to take another weej in the mail. i live in a hotel room with my mom, i have for a year. i moved to this state three years ago, i have no friends or family and no money for hobbies to even do by myself. everytime i speak the room goes quiet. i dont even try to make friends anymore, im so far from the person i used to be. im afraid to pray to god because i dont want to be let dow

Any tips on how to make carbon monoxide in a small room without a car

Should i block all my friends because keeping up a friendship is so fucking draining and it just makes me feel worse im always ignored and alone and im asking my bf for a break soon

i cant remember the last time i was truly honest about how i felt with anyone. then again, i can’t remember the last time someone took me seriously and cared when i opened up about how bad everything feels. it’s funny how people say they’re here for you but suddenly become deaf and blind when you need them.

i keep thinking about my future, not just in the ‘what will i become’ but rather realizing all that comes with getting older especially as a woman. i’m expected to have kids with my current partner. i’ll have to raise little people and try not to fuck up. i’ll have people relying on me that i don’t want to rely on me. appointments, payments, credit cards, work, money, all the shit that comes with adulthood is so daunting and scary. i’ve continually made plans to bail out of life in september because i honestly don’t think i can do it. i’m too big of a wuss to finish life to the finish line. it’s too much work. it’s too much pressure. i don’t want to finally get comfortable living at some point just to accept that i’m going to die and i wasted much of my life wishing it would happen sooner. it’s ironic though, the thought of being taken out against my will terrifies me, but i’m deeply comforted by having control over ending it myself. i’ve lost where i’m going with this, living is scary

My wife of 7 years told me that she is in an emotional affair with someone from work and told me she wants a divorce. She said shes had feelings for this person for months. He quit. She told him how she felt, he told her he also has feelings. I am a pretty emotionally detached person. I am working on that in therapy. She told me that she feels like she doesnt know who i am because i dont talk about my feelings and my thoughts. She told me even if our marriage was rock solid she would pursue this guy. She does not want to try counseling either. I am so lost. Broken, I do not even know what to think right now. We are still living together and she still tells me she loves me too. Cuddles up to me. Its all so conflicting. I am trying to work on myself but I really only have her as my only friend and she has been being cold to me some days and doesnt want to be around me. I still want to be her friend but she is so infatuated with this other person that she only talks to me about the divorc

im actually like spiralling so bad, i have cut myself 124 times in the past 8 days.... i didnt even do it on one of the days.. like shit got so bad i started writing my letters and i mean like i have drafts on my laptop but i started writing them out by hand, in swimming my 'friends' saw my cuts and scars and started questioning me, i just stuttered a shit ton and then i dropped 2 kg in 2 wks idek whats goin on like i calculated how much shit i need to die as in like meds and like how to strangle myself and all that shit like im only alive cus i told myself that one of my friends is worse than me... i js wanna fucking die.. i dont wanna be here anymore i need help pls.. any advice?? ill take fucking anything atp im so done.

Lately all I’ve been thinking abt is killing myself. The Olny reason I think that I haven’t is because I don’t want to be the first call that my sister gets from my family in years being abt me being dead. I can’t really talk to my friends because they have their own stuff going on and all my family has stuff to deal with.

Crazy how ill spend the entire day in my room without motivation to do ANYTHING. and my parents will have the audacity to say that I'm lazy and make fun of me for it. Like that will make me want to be w/ the "family" more... But no one my age can be depressed no I'm only in middle school I'm too innocent.

This happend less then 10 minuets ago. So my step mother brought out a box and keep in mind i hate girly things. Like necklaces and stuff like that. Im not saying all necklaces are girly im just saying i hate them. Anyways she brought out this box and opended it. My brothers got MODLE KIT CARS while me and my sister got NECKLACES. I hate this really much. She also said after giving them to us 'The lady said there real silver. You can put little charms on them!" Im really pissed because she went out of her way to get my brothers something like that and then something like this for us. It seems like im being ungratefull but you have to see it from my perspective. Its Bullshit. Really it is. I am not going to wear it as i dont like stuff like that. And my younger sister had a birthday and when she asked her pink or purple my little sister answered 'Yellow!" and the party was pink and purple. ABSURD. -A