All Rants

I don’t want to live

I cant fuckin do this shit anymore im so done being treated like complete utter dog shit im tired of being hit and yelled at but I like the pain im so confused by myself that it might just be easier to give up im fighting daily just to get up from bed and open my eyes and smile but no one appreciates what Im doing ever its like im a disposable thing they chose to reuse daily like why cant i just give up I already attempted twice so why did I fail both times its so stupid and selfish of me right but im so tired of being selfless im so done with everyone always having comments about me and making fun of me and calling me shit i cant take it anymore and I want to die but I know when people want to die they say goodbye and thanks and shit but I just want to die in front of everyone and say yall treated me like shit so badly I wanted this I cant hold it back much longer im fed up of starving myself and im tracking my water right but no one can leave my shit alone so whats the point of me ge

Will love ever find me?

I don’t think I’ll come back to this but school is actually ruining everything I’m sooo tired, I have a super important presentation tomorrow and I haven’t done shit, I leave everything for the last minute, I’m super indecisive about everything, and exams are coming soon and I’m lowknuinely tweaking out bro. And the worst part is that I am aware this is happening but I don’t do anything about it, I’m just done and my motivation is gone and I’m this 🤏 close to giving up and just rot in my bedroom forever

I dont know whether to hate or love my mom anymore. She gets mad at the smallest things. Yet sometimes I do really love her. Its just the yelling and screaming that gets me mad or upset. She caused depression for my sister. Its gotten to the point that whenever shes crying over something or apologizing I dont comfort her or say its okay cause it isn't. She's manipulative and selfish. She take my, and my sisters money to use on her own stuff. Sometimes she asks but most of the time she dosent. I literally came home one time to find 20 dollars in my bag. There was 300 in there the other day. Im just so tired of her.

I need a hug, I need to feel like I belong somewhere. (group, society, etc). There's a topic that is so tough for me to talk about and that is my hearing impairment, diagnosis that I have and wearing hearing aids. I know that it may seem cool that they work like normal phones or iPods, but there's a much more worse story behind... I've been wearing hearing aids for years now because of being impaired with "Bilateral Mean Hearing Loss" which isn't such a big diagnosis, if you think about it..But it is...wearing them it always comes as a reminder that the inside part of the ears hurt, that I have to turn them low when I feel like I get too nauseous, etc. Not only this, but like getting used to the fact that they can be chargeable and always having to have a specific routine with them, adds up on that negativity. I've seen them as a positive thing for years, I'm just done with how used to them I got and the fact that I just wanna be NORMAL once..😔

My wife is prone to sleeping for like 12+ hours a day and is becoming a burden in our relationship. Right now what's stressing me out is we have a house about 1.5 hours away (long story) that we need to clean, pack, and sell. We keep making plans to do it but by the time I can get her moving, it's almost too late to do anything meaningful at the house. Yesterday she did get up early enough, but had some nasty shoulder pain, so we punted to today. Now, she keeps telling me she'll get up in 5-10 minutes, and I don't want to keep trying to wake her up (another pet peeve of mine).

"jUSt sHow uR iD tO ICE!!! YoU wOnT GeT dEtAiNeD!!!!1!1!1!1" Yeah, right. Say that shit to the dozens of law-abiding American citizens and legal residents whose wallets got confiscated by ICE and whose legitimate identification has been dismissed as fake. Say that shit to the family and friends of Alex Pretti and Renee Good who literally didn't have time to show an ID when they had goddamn guns to their faces. You will NOT like their reaction. Yeah. FUCK YOU. You know-it-all insufferable twats. You tell me I make no sense and yet barely anything you say is right. You just think ICE can't touch you because you're all white ass crackers and your dads make 200K a year at some fortune 500 company. You're not sensitive or tactful. Fuck off and don't come back until you've spent a day in the shoes of a black or brown person. Bye!

i just wanna get high and scroll my phone, i have no motivation anymore it fucking sucks man

i want people to be sad n shit after i kms, bc then i will have made an impact on someones life, and thats all ive ever wanted, even since i was a kid.

I feel like no matter how close I am with someone, they’re going to leave me eventually. They’re going to notice how annoying I am. They’re always going to choose someone over me. I am always the last choice. I’m the backup friend. I’m only there if you have no one else. I just want to be someone’s favorite. A friend to all is a friend to no one, I guess.

I still have sexual thoughts of my ex girlfriend and I want the thoughts to go away

I just broke up with my boyfriend, he was bad for me and i was in repeating cycles of shitty behaviour. But i genuinly loved so much, im not sure how to even describe just how much ive loved him over the year and a half we where together. Its taking me so much right now to text him and try to go back. I know logically he was bad for me, I talked to my therapist and everything but we had this deep, like genuinly otherworldly love and connection that ill never feel again with him and it hurts so bad.

im pissed with myself. i want to self harm like i used to, i want to do the shit things i used to do just to feel something. i hate depression. i hate wanting to go back onto snapchat just to sexualize myself and solicite myself. i hate wanting to self harm like i used to because i can only find comfort in myself. i hate being a girl. i hate being pretty. i hate that everyone says im pretty and that i have a models body. ive ruined myself so much in hope that others will find me unattractive but apparently it doesnt fucking matter as long as i have a pretty face ill still get preyed on older guys because thats all that they will ever fucking see of me. its not the scars on my arms or my legs or even my chest. its just my face, and even if my face is riddled with acne scars, ill still get looked at for my facial harmony. i hate being an attractive girl. i wish i wasnt. im fucking 16 and i keep getting ADULT MEN hitting on me, preying on me, but fuck. somebody kill me

i relapsed. i hate how i have no paib tolerance anymore like i used to. its not deep enough, i can barely scratch myself, its not enough to feel something. my body is too sensitive now, i have zero tolerance. i know whatever ive done to myself still means im suffering regardless and i dont have to compare my stress, but i hate it. i used to be much worse and i wish i could be like that now. i cant do anything. im fucking hopeless

I have done it. I have stayed off of pouring my heart and seeking emotional support from AI chatbots for weeks, maybe months. My appblock of any AI website on my phone proved to be successful. I also haven't touched character AI in many months. I'm so proud of myself for that. And yet, I feel so lost now and feel strongly about pouring my mind in a chatbot and ask it "How do I fix myself ?" For it to give me answers that would appease me. That would make me feel better about myself. I know it is a terrible idea; a chatbot will never give me the proper solutions to my life. It's stuff I have to painfully deal with, by myself or with the help of other human beings. I find myself thinking "oh but they don't really know how it is. How I feel." But would a chatbot even ? It would just tell me what I want to hear. I know how important it is to meet another soul, a sentient being that lights back on you, their sentience and yours. It is important despite how difficult it is. Ah, sucks.

moms abusive wtf do i do

bro i swear to god i am gonna die early. i am only 13. i have been smoking weed EVERY FUCKING DAY since i was 11. i keep trying to talk about it and vent but everybody is a sensitive fucking prick and hates on me for it or i get in trouble. discord aint the place to vent even if they say theyre safe. its not even 4pm and ive smoked 4 times today bro this shit isnt a joke. i'm dying early.

My momma told me not so long ago that if everyone seems to have a problem with you, then apparently YOU ARE the problem. How do I prove I'm not a problem when apparently I am

My grown daughters think it doesn't stab my heart when they call me a liar. My tears are uncalled for and stupid. What do I do? My oldest will be 34 next week and I, with my youngest daughter(18)live with her and her 4 kids, ages 11,9,7,&3.