All Rants

I can’t believe my lazy hairy ass is still lying on the bed during this Independence Day. Why am I like this? My only source of entertainment is shitposting online and interact with e girls. I should probably kms

Who am I? I know who I am, I know what I am, but I don't know me, if that makes sense? Like, I know my name, I know my gender, Im all fine with that, I'm more than content with it, but I don't know what I like, I don't know what I do, I don't even know what I enjoy anymore, nothing appeals to me, nothing makes me happy, nothing brightens up my day, no one starts a conversation with me without wanting smth, nothing to ever do, so who am I? Besides my name and appearance, who really am I? Cus I can't define myself if there isn't anything to define besides name and appearance, I need to define hobby's in which I have none, I need to define interests in which I have none, I need to define the things that make me, me, yk? And I don't have any, besides what I look like, I'm just. Existing. And I don't know why I'm even alive, if life doesn't have anything for me.

How r yall doing. Bruh idek what to say to yall. But see ya later Alligator.

Very sorry if you're someone who does this, but I cannot stand people who make posting about their pets a majority of their online presence. Like, oh my God, yes, I think the antics your dog/cat gets up to is very cute! Can you shut up about them now? We all know what they look like, we all know you adore the stupid inane things they do, now talk about something interesting for once!

I'm scared to live, but I'm scared to die? I'm weird

I miss you so much, H. i think i'm still in love with you... even though you hate me and you have a boyfriend and he's one of my closest friends. You're prob not even into trans guys... esp not fem ones. I miss you, i stuck by you through the worst of your addiction but me making a joke abt the extreme mental health crisis i went though even before you went away is too much? I miss you, i want you, i would be so good to you

Does anyone even care about me? I feel invisible, like Im better off dead, no one would even notice. bye.

So i (17) work in a cafe style place. Normally, per shift, we have 2 cashiers, 1 busser, 1 to-go station worker, 1 apps runner, 1 entree runner, and 1 expo (also 2-3 chefs, one on grill, one on hot bar, one of apps). Today, we had 4 fucking people in the cafe.... despite 6 being scheduled. Me on expo, someone we'll call Niah on To-go, and two girls we'll call Alyssa and Jenn. So, what happened to those two workers who were also scheduled? One, we'll call her Mel, was cut at the beginning of the shift, before we even opened. The second, we'll call him James, was cut an hour into my shift. James was my runner.... Additionally, we had no apps runner today nor did we have a proper chef for apps. So this girl, we'll call her Diana, had to do the entire apps station (fruit cups, salads, soups, etc) and run it all by herself while I had to expo and run food. The real kicker is that every role has individual side work. I was stuck doing the side work of 2-3 people pretty much by myself.

I find myself using ai no matter how hard I try not to. I need it to write me porn or to vent to. I try to come here instead when I need to vent, but I just wanna hear something back and I don't here. I can find real porn and I can talk to real people, but whether that or ai I still just feel more alone.

I cant wait to see you graduate. I'd be there for the family that wasnt. I'd push you for the siblings who couldnt. And I'd kiss you for the boyfriend who cant even look you in the eye. You deserve so much better, meine liebe, I'd give you the world so you couldnt suffer again. Mein liebling, I wish to marry you, but you are blinded by a man who gives you a gift as a sorry for each time he hits you, for each time he yells. You are at my house more than his, while he hangs out with other women. Please love me back like I love you. Even if you dont, I'd still take care of you until you are stable.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. it feels like im js some girl whos feelings arent important. every time i try to open up, im dismissed. every time i try to talk abt my problems, im ignored. i feel like i walk in my friends shadows. i feel like im slowly starting to become like a nobody. all the ppl i knew and cared abt, left. all the ppl i knew i could talk to, forgot abt me. i dont even feel safe in my own home. ive tried to end things, but i chickened out. i wrote my feelings down, but stopped when ppl foud my book and read all my problems. i tried talking to someone online, but my laptop and phone was checked when my parents were emailed abt what ive been doing on them. i cant even find comfort within myself wthout my parents arguing every night.

My insomnias getting worse, it takes me 7-9 hours to fall asleep now, my girlfriend who lives in a diff country is getting abused by her parents (despite her brother trying to get custody to help her) the police don't care and hung up on her 13 times, her country doesn't care, she recently got frightened by smth and I've been worried sick about her, I don't want anything to happen to her, I'm also being dragged into drama I don't wanna be apart of, my friendships are dying down, no one talks to me anymore unless they want something or I'm their last choice of who to talk to, I don't have anything to do, I'm always scared someone is out to get me, I can't talk to anyone cus I just get pushed aside of not cared about, I'm scared of my life because I'm going into adulthood in 2 years time and I'm not ready and don't think I'm gonna make it as a functional adult, I've had a few close friends kill themselves in the past years, and Im really struggling, whilst always being depended on, i sh

I don’t wanna think about living anymore, it’s getting too hard

my best friend in the whole world stopped beig frinds with me. he still loves me. i know he did it for his mental health because he overthinks about me hating him but i just cant imagine why somebody would leve somebody they love, and whats so wrong with me why does this happen with everybody i meet ive made 4 peoples now mental health work i fucking hate it and i was crying at the park this lady was fucking staring at me go away

im so exhausted and i started scratching myself a lot it's smt ive done b4 but it was always really minimal but now its every day and i wanna make myself bleed but i hate pain and i also feel like a poser bc when im happy yeah i think about it still but i dont get the super strong urges and i feel so fucking fake for it ive also been struggling with food and my gf bc shes also struggling with stuff and i cant open up to anybody bc im so emotionally closed off and i have a good life, good school, good friends, good family, i have nothing to be sad about. yet eevery fucking day theres just a sadness that lingers so much. and i think about how sometimes it would be better if i just mever exsisted bc life is hard bruh i dont wanna kms but i hate this so much and i feel like my friends dont llike me as muvh as they used to and im so physically and mentally numb i cant even cry h8 this lmao

My dad has been dealing with mental health issues for a long time js last year he had a manic episode while we were on vacation and he still wont get help he struggles with severe bipolar and schizophrenia Js last night he called me in tears and then started talking to himself. It makes me feel awful abt myself. Because ig im not enough for him to get help.

I think people would leave if they knew the real me i've masked pretty much half of my life and now im scared to show the real me even though its what I plan to do this year and im really scared cause I feel like people are gonna leave me when they realize the mistakes i've made and they are going to hate me and my actual identity and especially my parents and some of my friends will probably laugh at me and make fun of me or even just silently judge me because of they're beliefs and thats what scares me I dont want people to not like me I want people to love me for who I am and I dont want to be a burden I dont want to admit I've been struggling cause Im scared they are gonna see me differently and then they leave and I'll have no one to talk to again cause of my really bad social anxiety which tbh is part of the reason why I started masking in the first place but I hope everything goes well and hopefully they will like me for who I actually am.

its so hard to believe there are good people in the world. it feels like im always reminded theyre arent everyday. ive been thinking about killing myself for awhile and its just been passive suicidal thoughts but god i think i wanna do something stupid someday im just so fucking tired

To be a lost memory that has reached its ending, a story closed forevermore to the people I’ve been with But the blade lay beside me, glittering in all its shine Its light bouncing right into the socket of my eye Brighter and brighter, it seems to shine …

Im both sick with that fucking lettuce parasite and on my fucking period. I cant wait for it to pass.