All Rants

I think my mom is effecting my social life. Like in a manipulative way. She is like "oh you should make friends and socialize more" and when actually make friends she makes me overthink by saying stuff like "Why she hasn't called you for weeks? Maybe she is angry" ",Oh they both went out together? Without you? I wonder why" which eventually at some point makes me lose my friends

I have been feeling like shit my dad kicked me out and I have gotten depressed and started sh again and idk it's just hard I lost all my friends and I'm like 3 hours from my mom dad and sister

I don’t understand why nobody wants to be with me. It doesn’t even matter if its in a romantic or friendly way, Im always alone no matter what and im so tired of it. I just want to be normal.

My friend randomly ghosted me. But I feel like I should be fine since she talks shit on the person who’s supposed to be her best friend and talks about another friends kids behind their backs

I'm just sick and tired of how negative she is. How she's always antagonizing any person in her life. Like you could look at her funny and she would think you hate her.

I guess I’m an emotional person, in a way. Even when people aren’t yelling at me and are just talking to me (or someone else in my vicinity—like my teacher talking to the whole class) sternly, I start tearing up. It gets really hard to hold them back so I just wipe them as fast as I can. Even if it’s not a firm tone and it’s just a kind of stressful topic, I guess I subconsciously think I’m in trouble and start tearing up. It comes from constantly being yelled at when I was younger, and so my emotional restraint has weakened because any time a firm tone is used or it’s a touchy topic, I start tearing up and it’s difficult to control. It’s annoying to myself because I know there’s no actual real reason to cry when no one’s yelling at me.

I don't want to take this course, but I have no other choice. It's difficult motivating myself to study for something I'm not even interested in, even if I try. I feel so stuck and mourn the idea of chasing my dreams.

I just feel down 24/7. I feel like my feelings aren't valid because I have such a happy family and a decent life. I'm not struggling with anything like money or abuse from family. I guess it's just something more mental? In 8th grade I've lost my best friends who always talked beind my back, but I didn't mind because at least I had someone to be happy with. Then I got kicked out the friend group and I never had anyone close since then. I'm went on a class trip to disney world and just didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. I feel like anyone I talk to now just finds me annoying etc. I'm sorry if this doesn't make since to anyone reading this, I'm crying currently for no reason idk. I feel stressed from finals and I keep telling myself I'm doing my best but I feel it deep down I'm not somehow. My brother also just got into a great university and I can't help but feel upset for some reason. Like yes I'm happy for him, but I feel like a disappointment now to my parents. I just feel empty.

and i've been feeling like this for months. sometimes i will wake up and i'm nervous and my chest is too tight for me to eat food but i have to force it down my throat anyways. i'm fat and i could do something about it if i tried but my first hobby is always eating food. maybe if i had an ed or was more healthy i'd have more motivation and my friends would talk to me without me texting first and life would be better. there's also a specific person whose every message has me debating whether they hate me or not, and i can't talk to them about normal things because i don't know how close we are. they seem like the one person in my life who would be able to tell me things about myself if i opened up but i don't know what i feel about them, but every time i think about them hating me i get this feeling of anxiety. everyone else probably wouldn't care, and i can't bring up anything without intentionally making it sound like i'm joking.

and i don't want to die but i don't want to live either. everything is such a chore to me and i'm so tired all the time but i can't sleep early because i'll start reading something or scrolling something else and it drags me until 3 in the morning where i go to sleep and wake up at 7 again. i'll nap my time away when i get home after school anyways, its not like i have anywhere to be. i wish i was terminally ill then people would care and ask me what's wrong when i'm quiet and i say i'm fine, i wouldn't have to do anything at all, and the people who care too much for me to die suddenly can come to terms with my death. it's the perfect ending see. i tried hurting myself for the first time last week and i dont think ill ever do it again but i loved the way it looked bandaged up or bleeding on my wrist, in the perfect place for anyone who ended up seeing it under everything i wear to have no other explanation. and i imagine showing someone the scar, imagine the way they'd pretend to care.

i just feel so fucking lonely all the time. my friends don't hate me but they don't care outside of school, 90% of the social interaction i have in a day are sending tiktoks back and forth or talking about schoolwork and when i don't text anyone on my main channel of communication its completely empty. i'm so stressed about the things i need to do but i go home and i procrastinate and i don't have the motivation to touch them until its almost too late. all i do is get home, eat, sleep, and scroll or do some other stupid friendless activity. i don't want to be the loser whose only focus in life is school and ends up graduating highschool in honors with no close friends. my best friend has another best friend and nobody cares enough to be happy but they care too much for me to die. every time i think about telling any one of my friends i think about how little they care and how itll hurt our relationship, and my heart starts pounding and my chest gets tight. bye

I keep having dreams. dreams of what he did to me. Does anyone even know how this feels

I wanna kill myself, but not really. I just want to dissapear into fiction. I want to be in the Harry potter series, different life, different family, different person. But I just want to disappear irl too. I don't deserve to live anymore. I'm such a waste of cells and money. I'm so worthless, I don't deserve to be in a school as good as mine. I deserve to be put back in mainstream hell and bullied til I cut my throat open. I'm so fucking sexual too. Like, if you get to know me on a deeper level, you'll know how much of a hypersexualised PERVERT I am. I am genuinely the teenage scum of the earth. i really need to die. ASAP. and don't tell me to 'go seek professional help' because I don't need it. Viktor krum is my therapy. So, if you're just going to tell me to go speak to a therapist, Fuck off. I don't want the bullshit with social services again. I literally can not be arsed dealing with their meaningless bullshit. So, actually listen to me instead of asking me to go seek help, bitch

I’m on one of my heaviest period days, taking care of 2 kids, potty training one of them, homeschooling the other, doing all of the household chores, dealing with PCOS and thyroid problems and trying to diet/supplement to support it. Here comes my husband, playing with a pretend telescope saying “land ho” while looking at me, to show his attraction to me. When I say that I don’t like that and it doesn’t make me feel attractive, he says, “at least I tried”. I am just over it. I want to yell and scream that he has no idea what I’m going through. He doesn’t understand that I’m struggling with my self image because of all the health stuff and I’m tired because I do everything around the house. I’m sorry for not trying to make him feel sexy more. But I’m literally bleeding while keeping the house going. Please let me scream and cry and feel like a regular woman, not someone who has to be a slut for my husband to love me.

I feel like I am being overprotective by my parents. I totally understand that it is only for my good and for my protection but still I fell like it is restricting my freedom. Whatever others are able to do at my age I am not able to do. My live location is being shared to them , they check my live location from time to time, if my locating is off they would literally call me and ask why is it off. Okayy since I am studying out of town they do it for their satisfaction that I am safe. But even when I came home and go out with my friends he would literally check and call ask me as to why it is off even in home town ..... Whyyyyyy😭😭 Nobody else get this treatment in my fam only meee why. I also want to go out freely. One thing I regret to be born as a girl is this thing.

Im always so lonely.. i always feel like im the friend that people go to when their actual friends arent around and the problem is i get so happy and attached and i see them as very close friends when they dont even see me like that , it really crushes me. im always the left out one and it devastates me everyday. my phone is dry no one texts unless i text and i dont know how to live with the fact that no one wants to actually be my close friend. even the two friends i consider my best friends have their own actual best friends and lovers and im just there. even when i text in our gc they usually ignore me or reply dryly but i let it slide because who will i have besides them

I'm scared to go to school after a long holiday, but idk why this happens to me. I think I'm gradually forgetting my childhood (even when I try to remember it, I can't tell if it's real or just a dream), along with some of my jhs experiences. I can barely remember anything from primary school. Somehow, when I was in 11th grade, I either couldn't or refused to recall most of my memories from 10th grade. Now, I'm starting to forget things from 11th grade too. It feels like things got worse when I entered high school, especially during 10th grade. Maybe something happened back then, but I didn't realize how serious it was. Lately, this has been bothering me a lot. For example, when I try to remember my childhood, I can’t clearly tell what’s real and what’s not, and it gives me an unsettling feeling that sometimes scares me. It’s starting to affect my daily life, and I don’t really know how to handle it. Idk whether i should see a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or just leave it as it is.

These days I've been feeling like I need someone in my life. Not like a friend or family, but like, in a sense of romantic feelings. I want to have someone, but I feel it's near impossible because I'm a girl, and I think I like girls too. Like, I went to a trip a few weeks ago, and there was this girl, and she was so nice and a good vibe, and oil so pretty and everything. But problem was she's 18, and I'm 16. So that's one problem, but then of course, she's straight. It's like, what's the point of even trying to talk to her if I know there's no chance? lIKE, IT FURSTRATES ME SO MUCH.

im so useless, even tho i try my best to help i fuck it up everytime

I can't eat anymore.