All Rants

society has ruined my life. social media has completely ruined the beauty of life, the pureness of being a teenager, and enjoying the little things. i can't go out without turning to the side in the mirror and hiking my shirt up and recognizing that i look fat.

hi. i'm 16 years old, and i have no friends. i have no siblings. my parents are in the middle of a divorce, and all i have is my mother and online friends. i graduated at 15 from homeschooling, and it has completely ruined my social life. i can not stay clean for the hell of it, and it breaks my heart when i hurt myself because my mom makes me promise that i don't. i break my promise often. i have lied about my identity online to people, thinking i could fit in better, but it has made everything worse. i have only had a few real life relationships, and i've been sexually assaulted in two of them. i have been led on in one of them. the rest have just gone downhill, and we went our separate ways. i don't know how to make friends. i live in louisiana so it's hard to find teenagers my age who enjoy my niche interests. i love music, i love poetry, i love art, i love nature. i wish i could find people who liked me and my interests

It feels like I'm losing myself piece for piece and it hurts and I want it to stop I just dunno how to

I want friends so badly

goddam my life is shit lately. All my friends are gone, I'm fun of/bullied for being non binary and I feel like no one understands me. All I want is to be accepted with who I am, Be called what I've made vocal, and just be loved. My dad also frickin raped me. Still does. HAs been going on for a month. And my mum is never home cuz shes working all the time. so I'm stuck at home with this pervert. I want to sh again, Like I feel the urge, but I can't because I have nothing to do it with. And I almost Attempted last night but I backed out last minute coz I dont wanna die. But I don't wanna live either. I just feel like shit. And I feel neglected.

the amount of times ive seen my classmates cheat on tests in unfair especially when i get a bad grade after studying and they didnt even have to try and they passed

I miss him. Like, a bunch. And I shouldn't. He did me wrong by cheating on me the whole time and blocking me out of nowhere one day. I have a better guy now, and I love him to pieces, it's not like I don't. But he was so... real. The first relationship where I felt truly loved by a guy. He was everything I wanted and more. I know I should let him go, but it's so, so hard. He was a chapter in this book I call my life. I was merely a line in his. It's been clear.

What is wrong with me? I don't know what to do about this...i feel so perverted and weird, i have an obsession with my own blood. i want to see it, touch it, look at it running down my skin, i don't know if its sexual but i don't think it is. everytime i would get a cut i would just stare at it and i wouldnt cut on purpose but i would get so exited internaly when i did. I love the way blood looks on paper towels, it just looks so satisfiying. it's not about blood in general or that i would want to hurt other people its only my blood, sometimes i imagine bad things happening to me and my blood splttering all over, but i dont want to die its not about that im not suicidal... i started cutting myself a week ago, i don't even really like the pain its mostly just about seeing my blood. i cant stop, my leg is covered in cuts. I feel so empty and disgusting i dont know what to do, i cant talk to anyone about this

today is my 16th birthday, barely talked to my family and spent hours crying in bed. my gcses are soon and i've fucked myself over, i'm failing quite literally everything so i won't even get into sixth form. i just feel like my life's gone to shit, without gcses in maths and english I can't follow the career path i wanted to take, in all the english mocks i get grade 1/2 (grade 4 is a pass and is the BARE minimum) which is nowhere near enough. every single sixth form requires a pass in english. i feel so bad about myself because my parents genuinely have tried to help, they've spent loads on revision resources but i haven't even touched some of them. i haven't done anything productive in a long time, it feels like all i do is rot in bed and suck money from people, at this point i've basically given up with my gcses as i do not see much point in trying now with such little time left. i'll most likely end up working a sad job for the rest of my life.

I feel like I'm drowning. I know it's cliche to say but I feel like there is nothing left. I see no future, I see nothing. I reach out to family and people I care about, but I feel like I'm not being heard. I feel like my mental health is declining very quickly. I have panic attacks to where I can't breathe, or I cry and can't breathe. I'm so use to keeping everything bottled up that now I am physically and mentally losing my mind, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm uninsured, half of my siblings don't speak to me, and honestly, I'd rather die. will I act on it? nah, I would never. I don't have the balls. I just want to breathe again. someone stole my light and I will never get that back. I just need to keep pushing.

I used to be 8 days clean. My metal health is really bad and I haven't told anyone. BUt whenever I see my brother he makes jokes sometimes like "you ruined the family" The land deep. That was repeating to me during class today and I almost started crying, and had to go to the bathroom to calm down.

Ever since I was born I have been the favorite. I have a 12 year age gap with my brother so Im the "baby" of the family. Ever since he has gone to college he has been the favorite. Just one day my mom decided I hate you! I hate when my brother comes home because my mom gets annoyed with me so fast and he makes it worse because he's the favorute and then yeah. And I'm always getting yelled at when he is home because im the punching bag, not him like he always was. And I take private dance lessons and I was working on a Ariel and finally got it and my teacher is so supportive and when I started crying she was like what? And I was like your th most supportive person I've been around since September. And she felt bad but that goes to show how my mom isn't as supportive anymore and my brother gets all the attention. And when I showed my mom she was like now woek on your posture its bad. But in auguest if I got it she would have been so so proud:(

I always feel like I am genuinely going insane when I am near my family. I have heard them repeat the same things to and about me more times than I can count of my fingers. I feel like I’m not real when I’m near them, they say horrible about me straight to my face while I can’t help but detach myself from everything. I’ve tried everything to help myself from lashing back and loosing myself, but I cannot do anything when it comes to them. Everything they say goes in one ear and comes out the other. It seriously feels like an out of body experience, because I zone out constantly when this happens. It’s pleasant to not hear them, but then again I feel like a psychopath.

I feel awful for my brother. he’s always been the butt of the joke in this family. i love him more than anything, and I always understand how he feels because our parents are narcissists with massive egos. I’m the youngest child, he’s just three years older than me. my parents have always been in a bad mood near him, and they just love to pester him about everything, it drives him insane. he’s leaving for college soon, and he’s trying to teach me tricks on how to deal with our parents, but everytime he says something it just makes me feel even worse for him. imagine being the oldest child and having to watch your little sibling go through the exact same emotional abuse that you’ve experienced. our parents have never once tried to communicate with us after fights, and rarely apologize to us. they also only focus on our grades rather than how we’re feeling, which is a major factor in why he’s moving for college. I just don’t know what to do, knowing that I’ll just end up in a loop.

i am so tired. i just want to die and nothing else. that too immidiately

One day I'll stop listening to ABBA-The Winner Takes it All...

The best i do is survive on my own, be better than myself yesterday and still get envied upon, and the evil eye gets to me, no protection Does it mean I'll stop? no.

I am a 15 year old girl. My mom used to neglect me before I moved in with my grandma, locking me in a room with the dog, leaving us alone or locking us in a car for hours to sell drugs, accusing me of sexually assaulting my siblings at 5 YEARS OLD when I didn’t even know what genitals were or what sex was, using me to steal things, selling my stuff for money, lying to me, making me take care of my siblings when I couldn’t even take care of myself. Blaming me for everything, forcing me to eat when I was full, which doesn’t seem too bad but she did ground me when I threw food away because we were poor and couldn’t afford much food. I developed (currently undiagnosed) Trichotillomania which I suspect turned into Trichophagia. I also believe the whole food situation gave me a sort of binge eating disorder because I often force myself to finish all of my food even when I am full, and I eat at unnatural speeds, which my grandma often makes fun of me for even though she means no harm.

i hate my mom so much

Boyfriend just broke up with me two days ago. Even before this my mental health was in really bad condition, but I tried to get better for him. Now I lost my entire reason to live. Yesterday I tried killing myself and my sister contacted him. he just texted "I should have never been born" and didn't reach out to me. I asked if he wants to visit me and he refused