All Rants

feeling lonely it’s a horrible, unfair feeling, one I shouldn’t even be experiencing. I have friends, a loving family, and a pretty good support system. I’m never truly alone; I’m surrounded by people I wouldn’t dare lie to. yet, the feeling persists. as if I were locked in a cage. the more I think about it, the more I feel, the more ashamed I become. how can I feel lonely when I am loved? or perhaps I’m not, perhaps I’m just another person to be counted. my body is here, but my spirit has grown weary of it all. so I suppose, in the end, it doesn’t matter how many people surround you. everyone has the right to feel lonely. whether they have millions of friends or none at all. to me, feeling lonely means not sharing. not sharing one’s feelings, or how the day went. keeping everything to oneself breeds loneliness, all those feelings kept hidden away. they gnaw endlessly at the heart, the mind, and one’s eroding self-esteem.

Im sorry but sometimes i dont think my mind even belongs to me. I'd be here scrolling or js sitting and then my mind decides to flash an inappropriate image? What. Excuse me but thats not me...

Day 4: I hate this I hate me I hate who I am! As I’m crying in my floor with the break up texts from him! I want to die!! Get me out of this game world! I want to be loved again! I hate how no one sees my pain! I want to hide and cry til I pass out!

I just had a huge fight with my sister and she said that my best friend was better than me and I've been su!c1d3al for 6 years, I've gotten help, tried to get better, and everything keeps coming back to my sister who refuses to get help for grief of our dead father, and takes out her anger on everyone, she's been making me want to d!e again and I'm terrified of relapsing on $H

I’ve been seeing this girl for probably just over 2 months now it initially started casual but she developed feelings fast and I was slightly attached but knew I didn’t want a relationship but was trying to get into it, she found out she was pregnant a couple weeks ago and it’s been a roller coaster since, I caused a pretty bad argument to start out of panic and distress then we were fine then we had another huge argument and then we were fine again, last time I seen her was last weekend and we had been texting back and worth since as usual but now I had a couple weeks to calm down and think I came to the conclusion I didn’t want a relationship or the happy ending scenario I’m pretty sure she was hoping for, she wants the baby I don’t but obviously that decision isn’t up to me, in response to my long polite and respectful message about how I don’t want a relationship but I want to be involved she said I won’t be involved or on the birth certificate and to leave her alone I’m stressed

basically since ive been young i have had no internet restrictions like i mean none my parents didnt give 2 fucks ig it made me turn out.. weird when i became older ofc i hid my inner thoughts i use C.ai and it helps me feel better but when my sister found out who vapes and drinks even tho shes underage found out she told my dad my brother and now i feel disgusted with myself i keep all of her secrets but she wont keept one of mine fuck you seriously shes always leaves me out also my older brother does that too i feel like my whole family hates me in every way possibe even before they found out about my C.ai i sometimes just want to die not that my problems were that bad but ive been bullied since kingergaten like when i was young and those words stick with me i have random thoughts to get a kinfe and stab myself

I believed for most of my life that I was inherently selfish and cruel, even from back when I was in elementary school. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts (passive, I do not plan to do anything to myself, I never will) for a decade now, and it's become heavily upsetting. I feel no desire to better myself, considering I've lived most of my life like this so I don't know if there would be really any way to reverse it, but I'm just worried. I don't want it to get worse. My family just revealed that they've known for quite some time, and they still aren't doing anything about it. I can't take the action to get help myself because of the situation I am in right now (insurance, financial, driving, all that). I'm just not sure where to continue, but I know I can't stay in one place for the rest of my life. I'm scared.

i've had a headache ALL DAY i've slept 3 fucking times why is it not going away

im struggling with school work because im on march content STILLLLLL! obv its the summer break until September but i struggle in my classes as a nuerodivergent im doing my mocks and gcses soon i wanna cry bc i didnt learn anything in maths and i got a low grade but the decided to keep me in a set im quite obviously struggling in.... i asked drop my language subject but was refused bc its mandatory to take it

I DID NOT USE YOU I JUST WANTED TO HAVE A BESTIES 4 LIFE FRIENDSHIP PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME PLEASE

I wish I could tell you, I want to but I don't know how you'll react. Will you care or say I deserved it? Will you blame yourself? Will anything change? I want to but you've never listened or believed what I said, why would you now?

I miss you being my bestest friend, i really do. I didnt want you to leave me. I really didnt... i want you back but i dont know how to tell you that. My feelings are mixed up. I dont want to be strangers... but i also dont want to be your friend again... i dont know... Its been a very long time since we messaged, im scared to message you but im also desperate for our friendship. Ugh... i want those times back again.

I'm so fucking done with my face, my looks, my family, and everything. Fucking hell, I'm fucking obese for my age, I've been trying not to eat, I'm on Ozempic, I've worked out but I'm still so fat an I feel like I'm gonna stay like this my whole life. Fat and ugly. My parents say that it's just shaytan messing with my head but they dont understand that I hate myself and how I look, all my sisters are prettier and skinnyer I'm the only ugly fatass disgrace. School starts in a month an I weigh 79kg bro I'm so fucking fat I wish I could just cut the fat off my body but it won't work I fucking hate everything and everyone

guys something that’s haunting me is that my doctor looks like Kevin Leonardo ALOT. and even talks like him too I’m scarsd

What's a relationship dynamic that's been bothering you but feels too complicated to address? That's actually kinda funny. The relationship I have with my fam is like a ball of yarn. So twisted you never know how they're gonna act or react. And if they're drunk you may as well forget talking to them whatsoever . But to address it? No they don't want to talk about it.

Would the karens really be bold enough to spray something on me? They live above us. And if they actually did that would be assault. Coming in I felt a mist of something minorly. Then my eyes became a bit irritated. Yes it was sprinkling rain out but not quite to that degree so was it my imagination? I don't think they'd be that bold even though one time they did blow a confetti bomb out their window on our walk. And leave mess for us. The moment I saw it it felt like an act of aggression. Fam thinks I'm crazy. I just simply don't trust them because I heard them blurting out before "id shoot their ass". And for the sheer fact they tried to get us evicted without talking to us. They better pray they didn't spray something on me. I still don't think sprinkling rain would mist like that but what do I know. Maybe I was imagining things. I hate not being on good terms with neighbors despite them starting it. Fam don't get what I have to deal with and will down play near everything. Sigh.

I hate that I cry, they're not crocodile tears, I'm not doing it for attention, I know no one cares, why can't you believe me?

I don't belive i'm a human. Not because I resonate with another species, or because I wish I was something else. I don't belive i'm worthy of the title of a human being, like i'm a just sick amalgamation of flesh and bone made to pose as a person. People luagh. They love, they have experiences and make mistakes, people are flawed yes, but not too this degree. No human being could make mistakes like it's their only purpose, no person could be so suffocating in their actions it hurts just to be close to them. I feel as if I were to call myself human. I would be doing everyone a disgrace by putting myself on their level. I can feel, I can think, but never to the extent as others. I am less, i'm a tool on legs. A thing meant to serve others to find purpose for myself, becuse if I am not of use to others, I am not valued. And therefore my existences isn't justified. My life is a cruel joke made for people to consume and discard as they please, and that is all I am.

Am I really a jackass for not really caring abt my friend’s mental health problems or shi like that? I, ofc, dont want them to hurt themselves or suffer, but I also can’t really feel sympathy for them. I just feel.. indifferent. I mean, I will always try to help them, but what I actually feel will never be revealed, I hope. I just don’t care. Actually, expecting me to care about ANYTHING is the least thing people should expect from me, but I will do it anyway, just so I don’t look like a bitch. Bruh, writing ts feels so pathetic, I really am just a jackass. Fuck this shit tbh eeuuuuugghhhh

Ever since my youngest sister was born ive felt like im just there and today ive realized it wasn't just a feeling, ive find out a secret my mom kept from me just because she knew my sister would look bad if I found out cuz it was about what she has said about me, when I thought for years it was someone else