All Rants

I know it says no personal information required but I need to mention that I identify as aroace (aromantic and asexual). This means i don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction, I don’t look to pursue romantic relationships or sexual ones with my friends or people I know. I’ve been this way for a long time. But, I masturbate. Now I stopped two weeks ago, for many reasons including that I think it’s pretty messy and I hate mess. But since then I’ve been missing the nice (albeit short) feeling you get when you do it. It’s just really difficult and I can’t vent to my friends because none of them are asexual and they wouldn’t understand.

I like the casually rich people Totally savouring life's fine details No envy, I just feel bad of my luck

You know what. I don't want to matter to anyone anymore. Because then I can finally stop and rest and find peace. Mattering just means I am not done fighting and doing my duties, that there is still more the world wants from me even though I have nothing left to give. I am done. I am so completely, utterly done.

I'm completely exhausted by life. No matter how I try, I keep failing. There's always more to do, and no matter how hard I try to fix things, even when I seek external feedback and refine my methods, the results always fall short. I am not a good child to my parents. I am not good at helping my brothers either. My health is failing and I am constantly lonely. I wish I could talk to someone in my life about this.

i didnt get into leadership. but my friend did. im not jealous but it feels so wrong. she barely put any effort into her essay while i worked so hard to finish it and make it amazing. it’s all because she has connections with the leadership teacher. im really bummed out bcz i thought this would be a good opportunity to show that i have what it takes to be a leader. and yes my friend is amazing and she’s a natural leader but it kinda hurts you know. to lose an opportunity you tried so hard for to another person who didn’t really try. and it hurts sm because they said i have good qualities that could make me a good leader but it was just a mass email…so what if i super close to getting in but the slots were taken….or what if i was just rejected because my essay and application wasnt even close to standards….or what if it was good but my teacher recommendations tanked it….or what if they thought it was ai because i can use dashes properly….so many things in my control that i couldve fixed

I can't take it anymore. Life feels like shit and feels so hollow and unfulfilling, and it really felt I wasn't going anywhere with this I felt like there's no direction in life now and the only way out is the internet and spacing out through escapism in my mind as I don't want to face reality anymore

My life is shit as hell. All I want to do is disappear . But I don't want to die but I don't want to live either. My dad has started raping me and I want to self harm again but I cant because I don't have anything to hurt myself with. I almost attempted last week, and my mum is always at work so it feels like I am stuck alone with this pervert (aka my dada) and I cant tell anyone because my dad would kill me and my life would just be made a whole lot worse. Also I think my best friend has a crush on me and I'm not comfortable around him anymore. HE also makes a daily habit to annoy me, and I just don't feel right. What is wrong with me?!

I feel so boxed all the time. I feel like I can't breath like im every ines therapist and no one comes to help me or ask me " hey are you good?" And I think its because im to happy all the time, I feel fat and not me I constantly want people's attention and validation but I dont want to he to much, I want to talk to some one about it but don't want to be seen as a attention seeker. But sometimes when im talking I hear my vocie and it throws me off on how awful my vocie sounds ( to me at lest) my parents don't let me have any sort of online things, like Instagram, TikTok, Facebook not even Roblox, and I see why they won't let me have it, but I feel so controlled. And also my favorite vocaloid artist GHOST is problematic, like VERY. And when my friends seen they kept saying to me " im sorry for you loss" in a stupid mocking vocie, I told them to stop AND THEY DIDNT LISTEN. It's very hard for me to let go of things, I don't know why but it is. But that's all I can fit here so im done :/

my crush rn i liked him from last year at the end to the beginning of this year where i sat next to him in class but he was dating a girl. now its the end and i like him again but he has a different girlfriend and i sit across from him in class again :/ (hes rlly sweet, plays tuba, can pull of this one pink shirt, plays piano very well, really funny, and very kind)

my best friend who i used to hang out with every single day has all of sudden abandoned me and left me for dead. everytime i offer to hang out with her she tells me im a fat fucking slag who should kill myself and she also hates my family and my cat. she really hates my cat. shes currently ignoring me as we speak even though im crying out for help. she says im ugly and a chud and a fat fat fat fat ho. Hi this is the best friend I hate her so much she keeps making plans on days where i have work and only tells me on the day, shes an inconsiderate jobless prick. hi this is me again SHE USED TO CALL OUT FOR ME AND NOW SHE HATES ME. average employed fatherless evil brother bloodtest taking sexy bitchi hate her i hate her i hate her im taking new best friend applications your name has to NOT be kiarna and you have to be blonde and equally hot and swag thanks for listening

being in the health field is so fucking crazy. You literally cannot make anyone happy. tbh i don't get how people sustain full time in this field. i wish sometimes that I could go back to high school or earlier when shit wasn't as hard and it wasn't all on you. I look at kids and i'm like wait until you get to adulthood when shit becomes 10x as harer. i think being over 18 is so so so much harder than being a kid.

I want to see about getting an assessment/diagnosis but what if the therapist thinks I'm lying and faking it or what if I dont have anything and they think im stupid for even thinking I possibly did or something. Some of my friends think I have autism, my mother asked if I was bipolar a year or two ago, and idk if this is related to anything, but I want to lose weight (im overweight) but I dont even try. I eat whenever im bored, at the mall, near a bakery, literally anywhere that has food i like. The only reason I wont is if I have no money. I will get paid and within 2 days most of its gone, I dont know how im spending it so fast. I dont get paid much but still, I only have to pay my phone bill, so what am I spending money on? Food, snacks, sometimes doordash, random stuff I dont need. I want to exercise but I just wont. The closest thing to exercising ill do is walking around the mall and a shopping street thing. Thats not enough. Sometimes an hour or 2 of just dance.

I've been on and off with this fucking dude for 2 years now and we both are somehow incapable of leaving each other alone if I don't do anything he does no matter what we've hated each other and we have loved each other more than anyone else, I have 2 times tried to get him jumped, he has beaten me up, he has gave me the most joy in the world, he's cured my depression and he's been the cause of it, we see each other every day cuz were in the same school but next year I'm graduating and he's repeating a year, we can't stop going back last time we went back was in February what should I do. Most we've been without each other is 3 months and we've dated other people but all roads lead to fucking rome

my mom left me, I have heart problems

I'm sick and tired of my life and even though i have a partner, family, and friends i just feel like whenever i try to tell them something everything is my fault even the job that i used to love feels like a heavy weight on me now. I cant leave my job cause i couldnt find anything to switch to. im trying my hardest in life but it feels like every 3 steps i make i fall down 30 steps. I'm tired of it all i just want to have a normal life

I have been feeling so burnout from school that I want to kms, i cant handle high school anymore, i hate every second of it, i thought it was going to be great during the first quarter but it went to shit quickly, my grades dropping, losing my focus even though im on meds for my adhd, and I lost all motivation for even subjects I usually love. I hate my whole life now, but im too scared to tell my family because they have said it was a phase before when I had mental breakdowns and I havent told them that I have attempted before....I dont to be lazy anymore, and i want to be happy, but even with my friends it feels so suffocating, I cant handle basic bad news anymore. I hate myself so much. I have become so bitchy and mean and I hate it. How does anyone even love or care for me when I push everyone away, and I cry everytime I talk about something even remotely upsetting. I HATE MYSELF AND I AM SUCH A GODDAM LAZY IDIOT. honsetly i might just do it....kms idk im so done.

I wish i could just shut my mouth and forever stay quiet, i wish no one would ever interact with me ever again, i wish no one would ever look at me again and i wish i could be alone forever. but i also want to feel loved and i want to be around others i want to be noticed i want to talk i want to be normal, i want to move normaly without looking weird i want to dance and sing and close my eyes without thinking about anything else, i want my shame to dissapear. I wish i was born someone else.

I feel like absolute shit right now . My cat passed away a month ago and I’m still grieving him but I don’t want to complain. My dearest closest friend in this universe just said she might’ve gotten cancer, sarcoma cancer. I genuinely don’t know what to do without her. She always has the answer to all my troubles. If anyone understands me it’s her. I want her to live long enough to see me blossom into the person she helped me become. I want her to meet my future children. I want her here for when I make it. I do not know what I would do without her. She is my lense who helps me see the world clearly. I feel so helpless, I cannot even begin to imagine how helpless she feels. Her life has been nothing but tough, but I truly hope I helped make it a bit better. I will forever be grateful to all she has done for me and I hope she lives on for many more years to come.

i think everoyne i meet just hates me. i just recently scratched my wrist for pain with my cat scratches because i want to litterally kill lmyself but im a minor and im jsut a little idiot who cant kill theirself because im too scared to kms. i just want to die tho because i know im obviously NOT LOVED. by ANYONE.

i wanna kms beause everyone hates me and i want to die.