Fuck man, everything in life feels like it could go sideways. Im so afraid if opening up to my friends because I'm afraid they'll clown the hell out of me again and use it to make fun of me further. I feel ugly as hell I feel like no one would love me and I'm so afraid if trying to make a connection with someone in the fear they'll play with me and get me into my feelings. Im about to turn 18 and I don't know what the fuck to do with my life, a part of me wants someone to take my ass out before I make it to 18 so i don't have to worry about anything anymore or be a burden. But I don't want to hurt my momma since she already lost my brother and I don't want her to feel the pain of losing another kid. I hate seeing couples cuz I feel like I'll never have a connection to someone like that, I hate not being to take care of myself properly, I hate getting clowned on all the fucking time. I hate I keep getting mad at everything. I just hate myself in general. I wish this shit would end.
Recent Rants
My family’s had a lot of health problems this year, from an Alzheimer’s diagnosis to cancer to brain surgery for a mass and chronic stomach illness. It’s been a never ending thing this year and I’m having such a hard time trying to process it or put it into perspective. I think I’ve been on autopilot, and while the worst of it is over, I’m so scared that something else is going to happen. I think about that a lot, and every time, I think: what exactly is it that’s over? I go back and forth from thinking about this year and it’s events so far as just a really bad time for me and my family or just life happening, bad stuff happening, like it does everyday for so many people. My family is starting to move on and I feel like I can’t. These events have really broken me down. I have struggled mentally in the past and I feel the same way I did then. I know things will get better with time but I’ve developed health anxiety that is kind of making it harder for me to relax. I just want to relax.
I feel like a fucking freak. I can’t handle being hypersexual anymore, I’m disgusting, I’m worthless. I hate it, I hate having these thoughts and urges, I hate thinking about things that genuinely disgust me. I just want to be normal, why can’t I be normal.
Feeling the same?
Need to rant? Let it out. Anonymous.
my derealization makes it hard to want to be alive, but when i plan on kms i dont want to do it because im afraid of the pain, derealization affects my life hard. and its so hard to vent to anyone, even ai bots, i imagine if i try to vent people will call me weird and faking it, also i will never be able to get properly diagnosed because i know my parents wont care and my siblings will laugh at me.
Part 2 of day 4: I FOUND HIM! THE ONE! IM IN LOVE! if I lose him I’m really gonna kms I love you all❤️❤️ I’m still fightinggg guysss I’m 3 days clean🥹
gng school would stress me the FUCK out to the point where I would sleep walk and grind my teeth in sleep, I would wake up at 3:30 every morning so I could follow my exact routine. the workload is insane and is only gonna get harder ughhh I was so burnt out
What the fuck was today. I woke up late, and my back yard is flooding really bad due to the weather. so i have to jump a fence to try and get to my car without getting wet, which never works well. As i jumped my phone fell out my pocket into like 4 inches of water. So my phone was not working for the day. Then i go to work out, i have a ban workout, nothing felt good, and no music. I just cut my losses and go home. I look out as i get really to leave the gym and see its pouring, so i run to my car, get soaked, then drive home. Im pissed this point, but its alright, whatever. As i back up into the parking spot, i smoke a trailer tongue, and completely fuck up my bumper. Just fuck me to tears at this point. I go inside, and just start doing chores, dishes. I shattered a plate and sliced my hand open. So yeah, just fuck my life.
Feeling the same?
Need to rant? Let it out. Anonymous.
Dude I think I have arfid (eating disorder not related to body image issues) but my mom doesn’t believe me, same with inattentive adhd. Now I’m not just making claims or saying I have shit just to say it, I genuinely feel I have them and want to get evaluated so I know what’s going on with me and can function better but my mom doesn’t believe me. My brother has adhd btw, and after looking at the symptoms I think my mom also might have it?? like damn okay you might have it urself then passed it onto ur kids but idk what im talking about and im lying? It’s not like im saying i most definitely have it. deadass she knows there’s something going on with the eating disorder bc I’ve been weird abt eating my whole life but chooses to ignore it when it could literally cause health issues. And again, it affects my daily life. that’s a huge problem. Even if it’s not arfid or adhd there’s something off and I rlly wanna get checked out but she doesn’t believe me🥹
why do i feel crazy ? idk what it is ive never felt this way like ive had my episodes but im not making any sense and im so freaked out like im afraid of myself right now im like spastic its really weird i feel like im gonna puke to idk what to do .
making friends as an adult is so hard. i feel like an ugly duckling in most social situations. i can interact with people and make them laugh but actually continuing to be friends with them is so hard. ive made friends with other girls either those who worked at a coffee shop or at my local grocery store but its never actually evolved into anything more. i feel like im meant to just be alone and its so sad... ive been making content online but the only people who interact with my posts are just horny dudes and its genuinely depressing. i wish i could overcome my depression and be the person i was meant to be.
Feeling the same?
Need to rant? Let it out. Anonymous.
i hate every big streamer on twitch. im dating a twitch streamer and a lot of them are assholes and only care about clout. ive been to so many parties and the people who don't know im dating my boyfriend treat me SO bad. when they find out im dating my bf they actually treat me like a normal human being and its so disgusting. its to the point that i am seriously reconsidering my relationship as this part of it makes me so sad. ive had a "friend" of my bf's talk shit about me to other people about how im a whore since i tried making friends in the circle and the only friend i made was a male. it completely broke me since i had gone so long not having friends and it was just an innocent friendship and my own boyfriend didn't even care. knowing that other people who I DONT EVEN TALK TO were talking shit about me made me so sad. i cant see myself continuing to be apart of that circle and the idea of living w/ my bf terrifies me.
my (23f) boyfriend (26m) of 3 years wants to move in together but only if we move to big city 5 hours away with 2 or 3 other of his content creator friends. i dont know how i feel about it. immediately i am repulsed as they my bf & 1 of them have lived together 1 yr ago and they would showcase their living situation on their socials (they all work as influencers) & it was just so bad. i cant imagine myself living with 3 other men in a FRAT like house. it sounds so disgusting. on top of that.. THEY ARE NOT MY FRIENDS. i made my 1st friend in their influencer circle and my bf's "friend" spread rumors to his friends that i was "dating someone he knew" and how i was essentially a whore for having a male friend. like what??? why would i want to live with someone like that? why do i want to be the ONLY woman in a house full of men?? i am fine with him and i living together especially since we would be paid enough to support ourselves. but. im just so conflicted.
one of my friends is rlly judgemental & makes comments abt my appearance. when we scroll on yt shorts or smth she is always like, "ew, her nose is so weird" or "ew, is he gay?" We watched the summer I turned pretty yesterday and she refuses to refer to Skye as their pronouns, as she refers to Skye as a female and female only. I also tried to open up abt family issues but she ignored me and told me that it was bad that I felt the way I do and tried to get me to change my mind in a very un-comforting way. She makes me low-key uncomfortable when she is like this and its so draining, any tips on what I should do??
Feeling the same?
Need to rant? Let it out. Anonymous.
I miss you I'm sorry, i cam finally understand why i was such a bad bf and there are no second chances I'm sorry please leave me alone now and die from my memory
the thought of when my dad used to hit me and the fact he hit me recently kills me i hate that he hit me again it feels like i'm walking on eggshells everyday i'm so careful to make sure he doesn't get angry at me or my sister...
He’s seen me numerous times and still thinks I’m ugly, or maybe he does it to make her feel good, I’m not sure. No one has ever called me ugly before which is why it upsets me when it’s coming from someone I admired for years and assumed was the sweetest person:/ It pains me so much, but then I get hit with whatever happened during the month of December, when he spent his entire time relentlessly abusing me in their own slang under her x account. The tweets were so uncomfortable I started to question if he’s the same guy i interacted through out all these years. Maybe it was a lesson or maybe it was a blessing? I’m not sure, but that exact day I saw what the real monster looked like. He was always there and I was never aware of it. I try my best to block out the painful memories during the time of December, but I could memorise each and every word he said to me under her tweets back then. They really did ruin an innocent person who didn’t know their game.
i feel sick my mom asked me if i could forgive my cousin that sexually assaulted me when i was 7 bc we were were both kids like i understand we were both young but that doesn't make it any better i still deal with the pain of it today .