All Rants

For once, I man up and kiss her first. No waiting around, show her I want her back. I asked first, ofc, more than she ever did. I just had the guts cuz I was high. Now I feel guilty. Why? Did I put her in some awkward position? Did she feel pressured or something? the vibe was just off. I know when she kisses me that she wants it. When I kiss her I don't have that clarity that she's enthusiastic, even though I asked first and she said yes. This girl took my virginity years ago and I'm freaking out bc we kissed.

I can’t die yet. I can’t do this. I’ve been dealing with self harm and i can’t stop. I wanna disappear. But i still want someone to notice. Just someone. I can’t even get out of bed let alone have teachers screaming at me. Please. I need help.

feeling every post on this website so that people feel valued and important and heard is a level of empathy that not everyone will understand. probably about some people do but are too drained and thats okay. because ik. ik that y'all are trying so hard js to make it to tomorrow. ik that sometimes, or more than sometimes, y'all js wanna quit. maybe because it got too hard. maybe because you js wanna see if someone will care. and i care. i care too much even. love you all

Idk what to so i’ve been dealing with self harm and i cant let my mom see.

I don't understand why I can't do anything. I can but I don't.i just have to move but I don't. What's wrong with me I just need to eat, I just need to write, I just need to type, press buttons submit the emails the paperwork the applications but all I do is fall asleep all I can do is listen to videos while I spend the whole day trying to finish my meals,. I wake up and I'm already sleepy. This doesn't make any sense. I just need to move but I cant do anything. Am I stopping myself? What is even stopping me. I have the food there I have the books and notebooks there. I have hands I have legs. Why am I always stuck

hi so I'm having trouble at home. I am a teen w no siblings and both my mom and dad are giving me a hard time and its just so draining to be in this environment and it feels super lonely

Why? Why am I like this? Why am I numb? Why can't I cry? Why can't I put the cutter down? Why do I crave a sting? Why do I feel like a burden? Why do I overthink? Why does everyone hate me? I just want to be okay. I just want to be loved. I just want to feel normal I just want... I don't know anymore.

If I died nobody would actually care. They'd probably celebrate tbh.

I’m genuinely so pathetic. I’m switching schools this year because of my anxiety and I got rid of all my ap classes so I feel dumb now. I gained all the weight I lost from wrestling back. I can’t even handle social settings anymore. I get panic attacks from fucking noise. I can barely handle being in public by myself. My misophonia has gotten so so bad. Like what is this downfall

I'm tired of the legal aid that works with me I feel that he did nothing to help the situation😮‍💨It has been a free service so I feel like I have to be grateful but at the same time he did nothing to help my family that I myself did and could have done without him. There is a part of me that is angry because when I expressed to him that I wasn't being treated with dignity or they weren't conducting business in a humane way throughout this process, I got no response not even a " this is almost over hang in there you're doing great in this situation" and when i spoke up for my self and told him something wasn't helpful he was like "do it yourself then" This representation did not make me feel represented😮‍💨😔I've had to advocate for myself over and over again. 😮‍💨I wish I had gotten more help than I did.

Sometimes I really don’t want to get better. I don’t want my scars to fade, they make me feel validated. I don’t want to forget my attempts and struggles. I don’t want people to forget about this part of me. I don’t want to be too afraid to harm myself like I used too. But at the same time I feel so miserable and every day it feels like there’s just a pit in my chest and I hate that feeling with all my heart. I feel so weird all the time and when I take my medicine I just don’t feel anything anymore

In the grand scheme of things, I feel really lonely in life, my animals cheer me up and give me burst of cheerfulness sometimes, but it’s not a long lasting feeling of joy, my moods are not consistent and I don’t know how to deal with it…I wonder if everyone is acting, like acting acting like their personalities towards me or others aren’t genuine I wonder if nothing is genuine, even me, none of this makes sense but I feel lonely right now, even when I know my person loves me, I get extremely doubtful in times like what I’m experiencing now, and I’m wondering if it’s me, or what’s the fine line between being needy and my feelings being valid for being hurt I’m not sure..nothing is long lasting, I’m not being realistic because I’m emotional right now, no one would know how to respond to this spill if I went to anyone, it’s confusing and the message isn’t clear, which makes me feel odd for even having a thought like this

"How does it taste?" "It taste good." BITCH I LOST MY SENSE OF TASTE DESCRIBE IF ITS GARLICY OR SOMETHING 😭 "It's really good. You should try" Well, when my taste comes back. I lost my sense of taste and smell when I got COVID 2 months ago 🥀 I heard it does come back but it varies for people. Like one person can lose taste and smell for a day while others waited the full 6 years during the pandemic, which is my grandma.

I can’t vent to anyone because everyone I know is dealing with their own stuff. My parents just think I’m selfish while I’m insecure as heck and scared as hell abt the future. If there even is one I still can’t see my life past 18.

After a mass shooting, my friend completely switched up on me. I have a solid friend group of 4 and one person in the group named J went on vacation. While she was on vacation, the other two and me went out. While out, there was a mass shooting where one of our friends was shot (she lived and thankfully got to have a full recovery). Ever since J came back from vacation, she has picked so many little arguments with me and said hurtful things. She told me it was my bad luck that caused her to be shot and that if she was there it wouldn't have happened. She has since never reached out to me first. I have to be the one to text her to see what she's up to. I'm so irritated and upset about all of this so there's been a significant decrease in our texting. I know she's experiencing this grief too, but I've had it much worse! I completely thought our friend was dying in the moment and she's only known about it since she was okay. I just don't know why she's spiting me in all of this.

I feel guilty about writing about my mom like this, but I need to get it off my chest. It’s making me think suicidal thoughts, and making me feel like it would be better if I was dead or just somewhere else entirely. Since a young age my mom has made fun of my feelings, and how I reacted to things. I’m somewhat of a crybaby and my feelings get the best of me often in her presence. Every time she yells, scolds, or talks about sensitive topics around me I start tearing up and crying. Ever since I was young she would always tell me “Don’t show your emotions.” “Stop crying you’re fine.” “Why are you crying about such a small thing.” But I can’t help it, it’s like anytime I’m near her my tears just suddenly start streaming down my face, and my nose turns red, and I’m mumbling and trying to get my point across and then she says “Why do you keep crying, nobody will take you seriously if you keep crying. Why do you let your emotions out so much.” She can’t understand that’s how I function.

Fuck man, everything in life feels like it could go sideways. Im so afraid if opening up to my friends because I'm afraid they'll clown the hell out of me again and use it to make fun of me further. I feel ugly as hell I feel like no one would love me and I'm so afraid if trying to make a connection with someone in the fear they'll play with me and get me into my feelings. Im about to turn 18 and I don't know what the fuck to do with my life, a part of me wants someone to take my ass out before I make it to 18 so i don't have to worry about anything anymore or be a burden. But I don't want to hurt my momma since she already lost my brother and I don't want her to feel the pain of losing another kid. I hate seeing couples cuz I feel like I'll never have a connection to someone like that, I hate not being to take care of myself properly, I hate getting clowned on all the fucking time. I hate I keep getting mad at everything. I just hate myself in general. I wish this shit would end.

My family’s had a lot of health problems this year, from an Alzheimer’s diagnosis to cancer to brain surgery for a mass and chronic stomach illness. It’s been a never ending thing this year and I’m having such a hard time trying to process it or put it into perspective. I think I’ve been on autopilot, and while the worst of it is over, I’m so scared that something else is going to happen. I think about that a lot, and every time, I think: what exactly is it that’s over? I go back and forth from thinking about this year and it’s events so far as just a really bad time for me and my family or just life happening, bad stuff happening, like it does everyday for so many people. My family is starting to move on and I feel like I can’t. These events have really broken me down. I have struggled mentally in the past and I feel the same way I did then. I know things will get better with time but I’ve developed health anxiety that is kind of making it harder for me to relax. I just want to relax.

I want to die I don’t want to be here anymore

I feel like a fucking freak. I can’t handle being hypersexual anymore, I’m disgusting, I’m worthless. I hate it, I hate having these thoughts and urges, I hate thinking about things that genuinely disgust me. I just want to be normal, why can’t I be normal.