All Rants

I feel myself falling back into that hole again. All my emotions are becoming uncontrollable and i really have no idea what to do. Im 15 and all my friends are horrible except from 1. I thought that a boy liked me because we've been talking but now he's ignored me both in school and out. I know it sounds like a small problem and it is but i've had a really hard couple of years and i finally thought i was ok again until everything went to shit again and now i have even less people around me to support me. Every time i talk to my mum about she just says "oh grow up what could have possibly happened that would make you like that" That's the problem i have no reason to feel so sad so i feel even more like a failure and a shitty daughter.

i hate my hypothyroidism. All it does it push people away because i somehow become to much of a burden after they find out. It makes me feel useless and that i'll never achieve my dreams. All i want is to make it through a day where i can come home and not instantly feel tired or that i cant do anything else. Why can't i be like other girls my age, I just want to be able to go out and have good friends, but i know i'll never be able to do that. I feel like such i failure to my family and i wish i could be as good as my sister, as smart, as popular, i wish i was more like her. I really don't know what to do anymore because everything i do feels like a mountain to climb and i'm slowly the energy to get over them, soon i won't have any to even move a step, and somehow i'd rather then then continuing to let people down over and over again.

I struggle with my identity as a bisexual individual, feeling immense disappointment in myself, particularly due to my mother's negative reaction towards my orientation. This internal conflict often leads to overwhelming sadness, and I find myself in tears frequently. I have developed harmful coping mechanisms, such as self-starvation, which only deepens my sense of despair. The weight of these emotions is heavy, and I find myself wishing for an escape from this pain.

I've started detaching from everything and everyone i didnt quite notice at first but there were signs for example i barely ate and i started detaching from my salah and deen i started becoming more lustful even as a girl who is gonna turn 13 in a few months and everyone criticized me for everything from the way i look,eat,drink,wear,act or everything in general and whenever i try to pull myself back up i just cant,I am a very cheerful and grateful person yeah but sometimes i get a wave of sadness and i just cant,crying has become my only solace these days and people keep making me mad i hate how people try pressuring me to do things i dont want to i hate went someone thinks that i should be more social when im just hurting and it feels like no one cares or more precisely no one knows i only tell the parts i want them to know and the parts i dont want them to know to myself.I try to not hurt myself but i cut 1 cut now and sprayed some deodrant on it and to be honet i hate it sm....

I’m in love with this guy (I call him RyRy!!) but— he told me he only wants to be romantic with me and NOT date. Like.. He kisses me, we cuddle, we tell each other how much we love one another, and quite frankly I feel like we’d be perfect together! I mean 3 days into knowing each other and we’re already saying we love each other PLUS (not really relevant) he knew my name wayyy before I told him and we’d never seen each other before EVER O_O Lately, he’s been pretty distant and I know he has a life outside of me but I can’t help but feel likes he’s gonna forget about me one day. I love him more than anything and I wish we could finally be together.

I have barely any tools. Besides hanging I assume the best suicide method with little available is to stab oneself in the heart. Left centre on the chest. Either way most people would have done it much earlier than I will.

So when I was younger I was about 6 or 7 at the time but I knew someone and they were like..12 so I was friends with them one was called Lexi the or kylesa or smth so they used to force me to hump the ground while throwing pebbles at me and this other kid who was a male and was 11 just straight up raped me in a bush and I did NOT refuse cause I didn’t know better so it wasn’t really my fault and now I’m 13 and STILL haven’t told anyone about it, my so called friends would also chase me with box cutters and I was in foster care moved 5 times and I’ve been put in juvenile for stealing and arson, and that sucks so uhh…yay

My mother is a fucking psycho . She is corrupt , uses dad for her personal benefits , made him lose his job and work for her , and constantly yell at him for not bringing home money. When he finally started earning he kept it a secret (even though it's enough for just him to survive ) she dug around and found out and keep accusing him of having a second family because he is not using it for "home" . She humiliates people and still expects respect. I was one hospitalized during a college trip and a guy helped me out until she arrived . I was still in my hospital bed when she started slut shaming me because a "guy" was helping me out and said if I wasn't a slut I would have female friends taking care of me instead . Like what logic is this? I have more girl friends than guy friends yet she sees one person and says something so derogatory . But she once caught her son watching porn in his 6th grade , she made sure to hid it from everyone . What a hypocrite . A psycho.

so I'm online schooled. have been and out the mental hospital for sucide attempts because of my mom. she yells at me so much over little things. like not cleaning my room the way she likes it so I really just wanna run away.

i have schizophrenia and i'm struggling with life and i have extreme anxiety and in so much pain i do also have problems concerning spirituality

I face revealed to someone for the first time online. The conversation died instantly. All the playfulness was gone. Idk if I’m that unlikeable when I was so nice to him. Am I the problem? Idk but i thought he liked me for my personality and not my goddamn face. I think I’m too naive for this. Maybe looks are everything in this world.”

I’m so sad I’m so fucking done I want to die and that’s so sad because I’ve come so far from that place but now it doesn’t even matter. But I won’t kms and I can’t because I don’t want to leave my bf and he almost died one time so now I know the pain of losing someone and I can’t put my family through that.

I fucking hate her so much , I want to get out of this house so badly but I'm so depressed I can't get a job. I swear I can live on just a few coins just give me a job and I'll fucking leave her . Why does she think she needs to be the judge of everything and she wants everyone to be wrong so she can feel superior . And that Bitch takes everything personally instead of responding like a fucking adult like how are we supposed to solve problems or fucking even be heard if you can't use your brain fucking whore . How tf did she became a mother ? I bed she forced herself on my father there is no other explaination for a psycho like her . Man I hate her and her son so much , why am I her daughter? I would have lived an amazing life if I was born to a beggar . What kind of curse is this ? Fuckk

I went to visit mom mom for the first time in a year and I went for Christmas I’m 14 and the oldest of 8 all boys (non of them live with me) and iv been having bad mental health problems and i wanted to talk to my mom about it but when i brought it up she made fun of me for it saying “what problems dose a 14 year old have” as i was telling her i cut myself and tried to kill myself my strangling myself she laughed and said thats stupid the next day Christmas she announced she’s having another kid a girl and iv already talk too her out how I wish I was in my siblings life’s but now a girl and she’s giving in my only baby clothes I had that I value and my nick name iv had for years and she’s going too forget me like she always dose as I tell her how I feel she just says “get over it” my mental health has only gotten worse thanks mom.

I'm this prolly sounds dumb but I live a privileged life but I still never feel happy anymore. I'm constantly exhausted in school and I feel like I have no moti nation to try anymore let alone continue to live but it always feels l like I'm never allowed to say anything abt it because I know I should feel happy. I'm also just feeling extremely lonely cuz I almost never see or talk to my friends anymore atp I've lost all contact with some of my best friends because they moved away and even though they moved like a ye a r ago I still blame myself for not keeping in touch with them even though there was basically nothing I could have done.

I wish i wasnt as angry or mean sounding, i wish i wasnt greasy or disgusting, i wishi told people my issues normally, i wish i wasnt greasy born right, i wish i was pretty, i wish i had a life, a job, studied hard. I should be working now. Yet i am not, i wish i brushed my teeth, i wish i was normal.

I feel like I have this strange obsession with wanting to be everyone’s favorite person and to be chosen, it just sucks when I’ve gone through my whole life knowing that I’m no one’s first thought, so I over compensate to try to be. It seems to come so naturally to others, where people just prefer them but I just feel as if I’m never good enough. I get weird and jealous I don’t show it but it’s a thought in my mind when I see somebody I want to be closer with be closer to somebody else. And I hate that about myself, I hate that I feel this way and I hate how I create my whole cause of hurt and pain because of this. I just want to be noticed for once, and not have to notice others first

I just don’t know what to do. My man hasn’t wanted to touch me or talk to me In weeks since he’s friend came into town. We live together and he used to be all over me. He couldn’t go an hr without texting me or calling me. Now I won’t hear from him all day and when he comes home from work he ignores me. Am I not enough?

I’m not really sure how to go about this. This guy and I were talking and flirting back and forth. We met on a dating app. He told me he adores me and really likes the potential we carry for a relationship. Today he tells me he’s not sure if he’s ready for a relationship and he didn’t want it to seem like he dragged me on, he asked me to come over last night I couldn’t and today he told me he wants to talk as friends and he just needs time to see if he’s ready for a relationship. Like kt makes me feel like why was he flirting and why did we go on a first date if he wasn’t sure if he was ready for a relationship.

J is really irritating and such a hypocrite i feel … distancing myself from her